I have returned to a book I have loved and found more wisdom to share. I am re-reading parts of David Brooks’ book, How to Know a Person, published in 2023. Christmas is here, and communication is the key not only to staying connected to your family but also to staying in touch with the world. His insights about how to actually communicate with people have helped me get through some interesting times. For example:

“I learned something profound along the way. Being open-hearted is a prerequisite for being a full, kind, and wise human being. But it is not enough. People need social skills. We talk about the importance of “relationships,” “community,” “friendship,” “social connection,” but these words are too abstract. The real act of, say, building a friendship or creating a community involves performing a series of small, concrete social actions well: disagreeing without poisoning the relationship; revealing vulnerability at the appropriate pace; being a good listener; knowing how to end a conversation gracefully; knowing how to ask for and offer forgiveness; knowing how to let someone down without breaking their heart; knowing how to sit with someone who is suffering; knowing how to host a gathering where everyone feels embraced; knowing how to see things from another’s point of view.” [Brooks, David. How to Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen (pp. 7-8). Random House Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.]

And:
“There is one skill that lies at the heart of any healthy person, family, school, community organization, or society: the ability to see someone else deeply and make them feel seen—to accurately know another person, to let them feel valued, heard, and understood. That is at the heart of being a good person, the ultimate gift you can give to others and to yourself [Emphasis mine]. Human beings need recognition as much as they need food and water. No crueler punishment can be devised than not to see someone, to render them unimportant or invisible.” [Brooks, David. How to Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen (p. 9). Random House Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.]

And finally:
“Many of our big national problems arise from the fraying of our social fabric. If we want to begin repairing the big national ruptures, we have to learn to do the small things well.” [Emphasis mine.] [Brooks, David. How to Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen (p. 12). Random House Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.]

“Big questions interrupt the daily routines people fall into and prompt them to step back and see their life from a distance. Here are some of my favorite questions that do that:
‘What crossroads are you at?’
‘What would you do if you weren’t afraid?’
‘If you died tonight, what would you regret not doing?’
‘If we meet a year from now, what will we be celebrating?’
‘If the next five years are a chapter in your life, what is that chapter about?’
‘Can you be yourself where you are and still fit in?’” [Emphasis mine.]  [Brooks, David. How to Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen (pp. 90-91). Random House Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.]

So to put it mildly, think about open-ended conversations that keep people engaged. Have fun listening to others, only pausing them if they get too wrapped up in their B.S. Ask them to move on without either of you getting angry. Try to find a happy solution to differences, and be at peace with the fact that no one will share your every opinion.

I encourage you to read David Brooks and learn something new. Emanate love to all those surrounding you this holiday season. Keep your fun traditions (Lego Villages and baking cookies!) and shed all those that bring you sadness. Sing joyously with the Christmas CDs (or Spotify! Or wherever you get your music!). Enjoy the baking, the loving moments, and the memories you share with your family and friends.

AND Don’t forget to buy my book, available instantly on Amazon (ebook version). for a terrific present! Thanks to all of you who support my work!

I love you all on this crazy Colorado night. Hoping for no power outages, insane wind, and maybe even a little moisture! Have a terrific holiday season, and if I don’t write until the new year, be at peace with me and my messages, with yourself and others for a little while.