Author Archives: Drusilla Tieben (Dru)

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About Drusilla Tieben (Dru)

I am a former police officer, crime analyst, profiler and trainer. I hold a black belt in Aikido. In the past, I've had to make immediate decisions for people in life-threatening situations. I applied the law, martial arts principles, and life lessons, in a logical and ethical manner, and helped victims gain a sense of organization and control over their lives. I wrote a book entitled Discover the Life You Want to Live which is based on my career and writing experiences. I started this blog to help people solve their own problems and to give recognition to all the entrepreneurs out there who have a community and global view and aren't instant millionaires.

How We Communicate as We Age

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Welllll…yesterday I was in music La La Land, wrapped up in tunes from long ago and far away for our next concert. So, I didn’t get around to posting, and I broke my writing streak! But “I’m back, baby!” Day 107, and counting up again! Frank Costanza-Seinfeld

Recently, I have been hanging out with a bunch of seniors and I have been pondering how we communicate, because we all seem to be talking at the same time and none of us are listening to what each of us are saying.

For example, I explain something or try and state what needs to be done, and the other person bounces back and said, “So you want me to do this (some task at hand that we’ve agreed to)?” And, I said, “No, I want you to do this.” And it goes back and forth like this verbally until I think they finally hear me. Or so I thought. Then, I get a text and they say, “You want me to do this?” And I text back, and say, “Noooo. I want you to do this.” And, then I get an email saying, “So I’m doing this, right?” At that point I get a little exasperated and say it one more time, hoping for the best outcome, or I say, “Never mind, I’ll do it.” So here’s the thing. Am I communicating the task clearly? Or is the other person communicating what’s in their head and not listening? Or do they just not want to listen or do the task at hand, even though they volunteered?

There have been several studies conducted on our aging brains over the last 20 years, and here are some brief summaries of what I have discovered that might be the cause of our communication dilemmas:

-Hearing Loss: Sometimes we just don’t literally hear what the other person is saying whether it is a physical manifestation, or background noise inhibiting what is being said. Closing the door to noises and speaking one on one to relay the message you intended is helpful.
-Elderspeak: We are so used to people feeding us (seniors) information in small bits, almost as if they were speaking to babies, and over-explaining topics, that we tend to stop listening when others use long sentences. While explaining things in a slower speech, not using complex sentences and repeating the facts may work for those who are really impaired. However, sometimes this method backfires on those who are still cognitively with us. We need to explain things thoroughly, but we need to continue to speak to adults like adults in hopes that they become better listeners, and thus better doers.
-Word Retrieval Failures: Sometimes we call these senior moments. We are receiving the information as a transmission, but we don’t know how to retrieve the response from our brain because the connections have weakened over time. For example, this is particularly common when we are trying to think of the name of a famous person or actor. I continue to blank on Elijah Wood for some reason. I have to look him up every time I am trying to relate a story or a movie he’s in (Frodo in Lord of the Rings, duh…) And I love his works, so why do I forget that?

These are only a few items that have been discussed in the National Institute of Health’s publication. Check it out and read this interesting paper on some of the earliest discoveries of our aging brains: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK97337/

Back in the early 2000s, there was much discussion about using technology to help others understand what we are saying. For example, there have been great strides in the speech to text capabilities and use of computers and phones to translate what is being said. This is a wonderful tool, and folks like Senator John Fetterman of Pennsylvania is a great advocate of this. He has a brain injury and uses technology to help him understand speech and the language of others. Sometimes I think groups that I am currently involved in could use this technique to relay messages. They would also benefit the use of this technology as a learning tool to actively listen.

In a Psychology Today article Language, Comprehension and the Aging Brain, the author discusses the concepts of working memory and  verbal fluency. “Working memory is our ability to remember and manipulate a small chunk of information in an immediate context, as opposed to committing something to our longer-term memory (e.g., to remember that information at some later point) or even just holding information while we jot it down but don’t alter it…” (commonly known as short-term memory).

Verbal fluency is being able to communicate information from any category and relay it to another person. “For instance, when asked to come up with as many names as they [seniors] can for a given category (e.g., plants or animals), [is] a task requiring them to search through word meanings that have been cognitively stored, older adults generate fewer terms overall and have less range in terms of the terms they come up with.”

This article suggests that “…print exposure, i.e., reading experience, not only helps by providing another source of information to draw upon when making semantic or syntactic decisions but also might even compensate for declines in those with poor working memory. For more information on this article see: Working Memory-Aging Brain

Some people have a hard time with my fast-paced talking and desire to always learn new things. They get brain headaches when listening to me. I try and slow down my process for them the best I can, but there is always so much to be learned out in the world, and I want to share that knowledge. I don’t want my brain to atrophy as I age. I hope I am in the classification called the Cognitive Super Ager, but who knows? I haven’t taken the tests. I implore you to read up on this phenomena found on the web. It’s fascinating!

https://www.nia.nih.gov/health/brain-health/how-aging-brain-affects-thinking
https://www.nia.nih.gov/news/cognitive-super-agers-defy-typical-age-related-decline-brainpower

I hope you all take a moment to appreciate this information and pass it on to your loved ones and friends who might be struggling. I know I will continue to read and learn as long as I am able, and I hope when my eyesight (and possibly brain) starts to fail, someone will read to me about new and exciting adventures and discoveries!

I love you all and hope you are enjoying every moment with your friends and families!

Overcoming Frustration and Riding the Peace Train

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Frustration: a deep chronic state of insecurity and dissatisfaction arising from unresolved problems or unfulfilled needs; the feeling of being upset or annoyed, especially because of inability to change or achieve something.

People like me are task masters and goal seekers. We always have lists, spreadsheets, lots of articles and books to read when we set out to learn something or try to solve a problem at hand. The frustration comes in when we cannot achieve a multitude of tasks that we give ourselves or have been given by someone else. We become frustrated because there are others involved in the equation and we are stymied into inaction. We can’t do anything about it because others are doing something completely different or nothing at all about it. We have to wait and see what’s next. We feel helpless because we don’t seem to be heard, or people aren’t doing the things we think they should do. We sometimes get angry at the person who we are trying to help or the person who is trying to help us.

In an article published in 2023 by Harvard Macy Institute at Harvard Medical School, the author talked about what to do if you have “…too much on your plate.” It stated that we begin to feel like victims and that “…we feel like there are so many things we have to do or are forced to do. The first step is to remember that you are the one driving. Anything on your schedule or to-do list is there by your choice, which means you get to choose whether to keep it on there in the long term, or whether to phase it off.”

The article stated that the first step is to assess just what you really need to do to get through the day or week. Second, it is important to see what is causing the overwhelming feelings. Assess what is the 20% that is causing 80% of the stress (the 80:20 rule). “If you can identify the main sources of the stress, then you can home in on ways to de-stress, minimize, complete, or step away from them. If it is not something you want to cancel, think about how you could delegate parts of it.”

The third step is to find ways to get through the next week, and the weeks after that. Maybe it’s just taking a day to get out of the house, thus out of your head. For more information go to their website:
https://harvardmacy.org/blog/too-much-on-my-plate

In my case, it was literally removing items from my work desk to focus on one task at a time. I moved the 20% stacks to the back desk so I could focus on finishing the book. Everything else could wait. And, the second thing was to stick to the morning cleanup, then writing until I went to work out. The first of my week was a bit of a clusterf*^$k, but the rest of the week went better. I refuse to let that feeling of helplessness overcome my thinking. My levels of stress will continue to be high, as the lists will always be there, whether written or just in my head, but I’m going back to the one thing at a time rule. I can only do the things I can do for now, and put off bigger life-changing decisions until later. I can’t let the anger of the world invade the space I need to solve daily problems.

There will always be some things that I can’t change right now, and I can’t quite let it go, but I can wait until I get some help on larger matters. I feel that we, as human beings, right now, on this planet need to take a collective breath, and turn off all the noise for now. We can only support each other and justify that our actions will bring about change in the world. Hope for the good things to come and try and ride the peace train for now. Love to all on this cold night.

Excerpt from PEACE TRAIN, Cat Stevens

Something good has begun
I’ve been smiling lately
Dreaming about the world as one
And I believe it could be
Something good’s bound to come…

I’ve been crying lately
Thinking about the world as it is
Why must we go on hating?
Why can’t we live in bliss?…

For out on the edge of darkness
There rides the peace train
Peace train take this country
Come take me home again….
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M9cJRqsKZKo

Interconnectedness

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Today’s reflection is about how we are connected in the world and how we communicate through the airwaves. The dictionary describes connectedness as the state of being connected and having a close relationship with other things or people. I believe that each person is their own distinct, physical being, but they can be connected to each other and nature in many ways. Connectedness is not necessarily bound by physical touch or language. Sometimes we just know something is going on, for example in a dream, or a stray thought. Years ago, I knew when each parent died. They came in my dreams to say goodbye. There are many examples that we have where we just knew something, the feeling that something was wrong, or got something in the mail that we knew was coming, and we called to check on the people that we loved.

We feel the emotions amplifying in a crowd, especially fear and anger. Perhaps that’s why we are feeling despair and discontent over decisions that are being made in the highest offices. We feel what over fifty percent of people are collectively feeling. Our interconnectedness is physical, emotional, and cognitive. Our global shared consciousness reaches out into all of our mental spaces. We are not individual islands and must become part of a bigger world, the ocean of mental waves.

If we share this despair, perhaps we can determine at a higher level that we are not alone in our thoughts and reach out to each other in our mental states. We should be free to keep the memories of the past, but make new memories and friends who share a common goal – protecting democracy and the people of all nations and races. Billionaires should learn from their families’ histories and be better human beings. They should learn how to connect with all those who are in need. Fascism cannot reign and must not be ignored in our society. It happened once before, and we wholeheartedly fought it. We must fight the good fight right now and restore a fair and balanced world. We have buried our forefathers and now we are the elders. We must act like the good and kind ones, and make progress towards fixing what has been broken, one little act of kindness at a time.

In Alice Hoffman’s latest book, The Bookstore Keepers, she stated, “Some things [will] always be remembered because they [are] handed down, things like love and memories and stories.”

For the rest of our lives, let’s remember the love and the beautiful stories handed down to us by telling our children about our past, both good and bad things that happened and what we learned as a result of our actions or in-actions. Let’s ask them not to repeat the bad parts of history and strive to make the world a better, and more peaceful place to live out their lives.

I love you all and wish only the best each day. Hugs tonight for those who need it.

Pause and Breathe and Schedule Worry Time

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Today seemed more stressful than others because I have a lot on my plate right now. So, of course I went searching on the web and found a bazillion articles on this subject. I found so many similarities of what to do but, this Calm website focused it a little for me. I don’t agree with everything, and decided to analyze what they were saying.
https://blog.calm.com/blog/what-to-do-when-you-feel-overwhelmed

Every self-help article has the classic how-to list regarding how to feel less overwhelmed. I feel I have embraced most of them and yet there are just those days. Here are a few of those listed from this website:

The first of the 12 on their list was to just pause and breathe. I tell this to people all the time and yet it is a hard step for me.

These articles always talk about talking to other people. I am good at that, but it doesn’t always solve the immediate problem. So I usually end up helping others solve their problem.

Meditation is another one that’s listed. I have a friend who runs a meditation class but my brain doesn’t shut off. It’s a practice, I know. So the main problem is how to schedule this time for the practice, right?

Journaling is always listed. I journal each day and try to let go of the day, but sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t. It just brings all the thoughts into more focus.

And of course every article tells you to get some sleep. Well, I can tell you I am like the woman on the show High Potential and sleep never happens easily. Neither of us know how to shut down our brains. I am so enamored of people who can actually sleep 8 hours a day. I have never been able to do that. And pills make me crazy the next day so I gave up on that!

There is always the Focus on What You Can Control. When did that ever work?

Get moving! I definitely know how to exercise and that has helped. And once the weather gears toward spring, I’ll be out in my garden. That is the best for me!

Break larger tasks into smaller steps. Trust me, I am the queen of spreadsheets and that still doesn’t help. You still have to do all of those things you have broken down so how does that help?

And finally, this was a laughable one: Schedule Worry Time. The article said, “Set aside a specific time to think about your worries. Outside of this time, try to keep your focus on the present.” Unfortunately, the worries are the focus in every present moment so I didn’t get that one. Who can do that?

So, I know baking, knitting, gardening, and walks in nature help me. I can bake, knit, and walk inside right now. I know we are in a time of chaos, and the status will eventually reach equilibrium. If we can be vigilant with our thoughts and actions we can get through the day without being overwhelmed. That’s what I am working on and hope the sun will come out soon. I love you all and feel the intensity of the world right now. Hang in there!

https://www.gettyimages.com/photos/cat-hanging-in-there

Old Person Day and Geeky Moments

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Being in the present moment, and recognizing that some days are just me being an Old Person, made me laugh out loud and enjoy every minute of this day. Today I tried to continue my research on care giving, but found out it’s a holiday and every agency is closed. So, after all of my errands, eye doctor, trying to find eggs at a reasonable price (HA!) without success, unloading and loading the dishes, and laundry, I settled down (if you can count being buzzed on caffeine!) at my computer.

Today, I learned two things:
1.         How to upload Instagram and follow someone. Big steps! I put my profile together but haven’t sent anything yet. I am following a couple of people but wanted to give a shout out to Aron to what he is accomplishing:
https://www.instagram.com/generationalopportunities/
He and a few others are creating something wonderful with kids and schools in Thornton, so check them out. I love it and am going to volunteer for them this summer (if they’ll have me)! We could all use their energy and talent in helping young people.

2.         Creating a Logo for my blog and books using Fiverr. I look forward to learning more about this when I finish my next books and want them to help me create the covers. I added it to the blog website and I think it’s not too bad for a first try! The project I’ll be working on next will be a sort of checklist for people who want to create their own S.O.P.s (Standard Operating Procedures Manual). I loved creating these set of instructions for my old jobs, and am now working on helping people create their own life instruction manual. Didn’t we all want something like this when we were growing up? I know I did. Parents don’t know everything and I have read soooooo many different books on the subject. I think I can do a good job of expanding on my first book which was kind of a manual (Discover the Life You Want to Live).

Being able to look back on all my agonies and mistakes from the past makes me hopeful that I can pass on my wisdom to others, along with a lot of funny stories about my crazy life! When I look back I see that I actually accomplished something, I think it’s worth a try to help others. After all, we seniors have time, right? (Lots of smile emojis with tongues out should follow this statement.)

Embracing our past triumphs and failures should be number one on our list of life. The second should always be helping others however we can. People don’t always reach out to each other, but we can change that and ask, “How are you doing today?” Maybe that will start a conversation. Love to all tonight and keep learning!

My Mother and the Zombie Apocalypse – Revisited

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I originally wrote this in 2013 when I first started blogging and thought it was relevant to today’s ills. With a few tweaks, here it is for your perusal:

I wonder what my mother would have thought about zombies taking over the world, or what some of us affectionately call “The Zombie Apocalypse.”  Would she have picked up my father’s rifle when she saw them come onto the farm? Would she have aimed and blown them away? Or would she cower inside her house and simply die?

I’d like to think that she would revert back to her old self – that self-confident young woman who went out into the world like That Girl, (a sitcom starring Marlo Thomas) the person she was before settling down into domesticity – marrying my father when he came home from the War (WWII) and having children.

I’d like to think she would be one of those folks who could defend herself and others – and generally take care of business to survive.

The world would certainly be different for her (and for us) if we had another catastrophic event. We would have to relearn how to take care of ourselves and keep ourselves alive. We would have to bring back those skills that we knew from a very long time ago, before convenience food and staying in touch all the time came into play. We would have to survive, not watch Survivor.

We go through a series of ups and downs as we grow older. Some of us embrace change. Others just sit on the sidelines, get grumpy, complain a lot, and become more afraid. Yes, we are getting older, but are we getting wiser? Here is an excerpt from my book, Discover the Life You Want to Live, about this very subject:

  • Each of us grows older every day. It’s how we continue to use our time that makes us wiser. What makes a wise person? It is a person we can respect. It is a person who is a hopeless romantic and a reluctant leader. This person has learned capabilities as well as intuitiveness. It is a person who can learn about new things every day. It is a person who has achieved mastery in something. A wise person gives a little to someone each day to make her life better. This is what I am working on as I get older – to be a wise person who is a role model, and a person that people will respect.
  • We are all getting older, but are we getting wiser? Are we learning and contributing something to society each day through our actions? Ask yourself, “Why should people listen to me?”  “What right do I have to give advice either to my peers or the younger generation?”  If you believe you have achieved everything you asked of yourself, in the above questions, then you have earned the right to be called a wise woman and be respected.
  • Women’s studies describe three archetypes of women:  maiden, mother, and crone. The wise women were known as Crones. A Crone is an idea that we can all embody to help the younger women (maidens). And, with modern medicine, we can become older mothers, which let us bridge the gap between all three. We can create a community that helps each other.

We do get older every day. That’s a fact of life. If we can believe in ourselves, do something good and stop with the “I cant’s,” we can make a plan for what’s to come. We can try to reduce the panic among our neighbors and ourselves if we just check on each other each day.

We can be happy with our lives when we finally leave this world if we can continue to do enough by helping those in need. Watching the news is a nightmare right now. If we can sit back for a peaceful moment each night and prepare for the next day, we’ll be okay. Check in with your neighbors and ignore the nonsense. Yes, things may get worse before it’s better, but we can take care of each other, if we choose this path.

It takes more time and energy to sit around and complain about everything. We have to take this energy and fix the very thing about which we are complaining. Become involved in the little things. And then, maybe we will survive in a Zombie-infested world because we have helped each other every day we live. Love to all on this planet tonight. WE WILL SURVIVE!

Play to Your Strengths – About Care Giving

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It was recently pointed out to me that I was good at researching topics and steering people in the right direction to get something done. I am especially good when it comes to making hard life decisions about loved ones when they need help. I took an inventory of what I knew and what I needed to learn about when it came to aging and care giving (family members and myself). I would like to share some things I figured out by starting with what I am good at:

I am good at cleaning up messes;
I am good at organizing everything;
I am good at researching a topic;
I am good at making lists and spreadsheets;
I am good at creating instruction manuals (Manuals in all the departments I worked in and a Manual for Life. (See my book Discover the Life You Want to Live);
I am good at helping others make decisions in their best interests.

I am good at researching and giving advice, but not so good at my actual caring process, so I am working on that! So my next step is to create a manual for my spouse and kiddo which will be advice and care instructions for an aging parent. I will try and explain more in the next few days after I’ve fully researched the topic. If you have advice, please send it to me! Also, here is a cool website that I am using: https://www.agingcare.com/topics

Love to all tonight! Stay warm and safe!

A Day of Love – Happy Valentine’s Day

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This is my 100th blog today. So excited that I believed in myself and kept at it!

I just read a book by Julie Ann Hatcher called Not Quite By the Book. It was the perfect Valentine’s day read. Nothing serious, but a sweet book about love in a younger person’s voice. Although I’m not a poetry devotee, I’ve tried my hand at it and read a few of the books that were required reading in high school and college. Hatcher’s protagonist is in love with Emily Dickinson and attempts to emulate her only to discover that her words speak to her, but Dickinson’s lifestyle does not. I thought this would be the perfect introduction to my survey about love:
https://drutieben.com/2025/01/15/valentines-day-questionnaire/

Although I did not get many responses, I want to share what I discovered in others.

1.         My first response came from a retired college professor emeritus. He uploaded it as a comment on the original blog post. Here is a recap as he didn’t exactly follow the 4 questions. I love it!
My wife is the love of my life. We celebrate our 50th anniversary this year. I have lots of falling-in-love memories. I was playing in a flag football game and coming off the field, saw the deep blue skies and rolling clouds against the mountains and stood gawking for a second. Turns out, my wife had been trying to draw notice of the sky before I came by. Our mutual love of that beautiful day helped draw us together.
Looking back, I now see love as an ongoing choice and commitment, almost a habit but sometimes very intentional and effortful. Love is the deep undercurrent that often goes unnoticed and other times you have to fight for. There’s no defining it really. Nothing that close to the core can ever be understood.

Here are the responses by the question I asked:
1.         What is your best memory of when you fell in love?
–Meeting someone at work;
–The day I feel in love was in November 2018 when I gave birth to my amazing daughter;
–Midnight rides along Skyline Drive from Lake Merritt in Oakland to Tilden Park in Berkeley, then roaming down to a 24-hour diner at sea level to have breakfast. The views out across the San Francisco Bay toward the Golden Gate Bridge were spectacular;
–My love and I went dancing on our first date and we were dancing. I felt so good in his arms.
–My boyfriend and I were playing Scrabble, and it turned into a friendly wresting match when a tile spilled onto the floor and under the couch. Retrieving it to see who won the game, I looked deep into his eyes and dared him to say what he was thinking. He quickly found the right tiles and put them on the board. He spelled: I LOVE YOU;
–I first met my husband-to-be on the mat at the Colorado Mountain College during an Aikido meet. We looked at each other and starting throwing each other around. It was intense week, and a prelude to what was to become.

2.         Who is/was the love of your life?
–Husband;
–My six-year-old daughter. She changed my entire world;
–My husband of 51 years;
–My sweet husband found me when I was 17 and we were married almost 50 years before Covid took his life. It’s been over 4 years and I look forward to being with him in the eternity-each day the thought “ONE DAY CLOSER” gets me through the pain and longing for his sweet hugs and kisses;
–My husband and son. They get me through all the ups and downs in my life. They are there for me and love me as I do.

3.         How do you feel about love now?
–Better late than never! We’re in our 70’s so we’re reconnected;
–I used to believe the ultimate love was a romantic love. Now, I know the absolute epitome of unconditional and perfect love can be the children we’re blessed to have and watch them grow:
–Comfortable. It’s different from the heady feeling of my twenties.
–I have been totally on my own since 2008 with a few one-time dates here and there;
–Love of family and friends is the most important thing in life—it’s not jus a ‘feeling,’ it’s a commitment to share, help, support, and enjoy each other. It’s work. It’s worth it!
–Stronger and deeper than before.

4.         What would your perfect day be if you could do anything you wanted with the person you love?
–Trip to the mountains and a nice dinner (with wine!);
–Spending the day relaxing, exploring, and spending time with family;
–Taking a scenic road trip, and stroll through small town streets;
–Going on a nature walk; later getting together to get a delicious dinner and maybe listening to some romantic music and dancing in a beautiful setting;
–It would being with the one that passed away again – to say ‘I love you,’ one more time;
–My spouse and I would fly up in a spaceship to circle the earth, looking down from above, appreciate its vastness, explicitness, and its beauty, free fall outside the ship, then return home in time for dinner. (This was my personal answer!)

Thank you everyone who participated in the survey. It was heartwarming to read all of your thoughts on love. We all love in different ways and connect forever to those whose love is meant to be. Here are some quotes to reflect on today:
“Love is the little silver thread connecting all of humanity, around the globe, century to century, forevermore.”—Julie Ann Hatcher
“Let love be your inspiration.”—Julie Ann Hatcher
“Those we love never truly die. They live on with us and in our hearts….our love gave them mortality.”—Julie Ann Hatcher on Emily Dickinson

And a poem by one of my Senior Choir buddies:
A White Rose, by John Boyle O’Reilly
THE red rose whispers of passion,
  And the white rose breathes of love;
O, the red rose is a falcon,
  And the white rose is a dove.
But I send you a cream-white rosebud
  With a flush on its petal tips;
For the love that is purest and sweetest
  Has a kiss of desire on the lips.

Happy Valentine’s Day. Enjoy your moments with your loved ones tonight! Order in or cook and binge watch C.B. Strike! Love to all!

The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz-Part III

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The final part of this message concludes the analysis of the Four Agreements. Here are the last two:

The third agreement, Don’t Make Assumptions reminds us to get the facts before assuming the information is true. Assumptions are based on our bias, past experiences, and fears. They can distort reality. We must discern the truth in order to understand the message. We conflict with the person because we take it personally and as a result our feelings are hurt. It is best to learn how to ask good questions to seek the truth. Assume nothing. Others may not know what we think or talk over us. Open communication can allow us to talk rationally and connect without dram. It’s a way to transform our sadness and drama. Ask for what you want and be content if the answer is no. Finally, this is a hard one: Relinquish the need to change others. Real love is accepting other people the way they are. They may not think like you, but that’s okay. Speak your mind, but try and let go. Agree to Disagree and move on.

The fourth agreement, Always Do Your Best emphasizes the importance of giving your all to every action and decision. But remember that your best changes due to your circumstances, health, mood, and a myriad of other factors. If you spiral in the trap of judging yourself or others too harshly, you will regret your actions. Sometimes people don’t meet our expectations and vice versa. If we can continue to stay in the present moment, and take actions on our ideas, we will get results. We will accomplish a great deal if we commit to action without reward. If we receive a reward, it is fantastic. But the doing is the most important topic in this case. Realize that the action may not be perfect. But we aren’t perfect. We aim towards mastery, but achieve as much as we can every day. Having a balance approach to life can help us reduce stress and be more resilient.

We strive for freedom, happiness, and love if we can delve into these agreements with others and ourselves. We can all have a profound impact if we create a daily practice, and cultivate our lives into being authentic, understanding, and attaining peace. I love you all tonight and hope you attain everything you wish. Hug your loved ones and keep them safe and warm, and always close to your heart.

The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz-Part II

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This is an extension of Tuesday’s blog with a more in-depth analysis. Ruiz believes we have been taught since childhood to “…fit into society’s mold,” which made us forget who our “true selves” are. If we can adopt the Four Agreements as part of our lifestyle, we might break through these limitations. Why wouldn’t we want to live a life of freedom, happiness, and love?

The first agreement, Be Impeccable with Your Word, is a powerful understatement. Our words are a power that create influence on everything. Words are not just sounds or symbols. Nuances carry energy and intention. They can heal, harm, uplift, or degrade. Every time we speak we can go in a direction of positive or negative. Inflection is key, and your intentions manifest through your outspoken thoughts. Negative and hateful speeches can bring doom and gloom to any conversation and create a world which we don’t want to live. Remember your history. This happened many years ago in Germany. A horrible leader used his words to manipulate a whole country, mostly intelligent people, into committing the most atrocious acts and enter them into a World War. Humans destroyed each other because he activated their fear. They became afraid of each other. Ruiz stated that “Whenever we hear an opinion and believe it, we make an agreement, and it becomes part of our belief system.” Being impeccable with our word can transform us, create a better belief system, and foster loving and healthier relationships.

The second agreement, Don’t Take Anything Personally, delves into the idea that people’s actions and words are reflections of their own beliefs and emotional states, not necessarily about us. When people react negatively to what is said to them, and they don’t believe the information is the truth, it is due to the fact that they are actually struggling internally to some message they know isn’t true. They stand by a belief or misinformation. They believe they are in the right. The vulnerability of this emotional turmoil makes us hurt, angry, or defensive, and we lash out. If we can take a step back and not be swayed by either praise or criticism, we become more emotionally stable. If we can have honest conversations and agree to disagree, we can make progress. In the movie, Dr. Strange, he is confronted by the Ancient One on a roof top in New York. Dr. Strange had a terrible car accident which crippled his hands (he was a neurosurgeon). In the conversation the Ancient One reminds Strange of his fear of failure. Strange thinks it’s what made him a great doctor. The Ancient One told him that fear was what actually kept him from true greatness. She tells him that was why he never found true happiness. Her last words to him were: “It’s not about you.” So let’s look outside ourselves, our fears and move beyond “taking it personally,” we might learn something new about the rest of the world. Ruiz states: “If you live without fear, if you love, there is no place for any of those emotions.”

Two favorite quotes of the day. Something to think about:
“Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.”― Maya Angelou; and
“When someone tells you that a term or phrase is more accurate/less hurtful than the one you’re using, you now know better. So why not do better? How does it hurt you to NOT hurt another person?”—Ron Howard

Part III tomorrow on the third and fourth agreement. I love you all and hope you take a moment to reflect what’s holding you back to embrace love in the universe and yourselves.