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About Drusilla Tieben (Dru)

I am a former police officer, crime analyst, profiler and trainer. I hold a black belt in Aikido. In the past, I've had to make immediate decisions for people in life-threatening situations. I applied the law, martial arts principles, and life lessons, in a logical and ethical manner, and helped victims gain a sense of organization and control over their lives. I wrote a book entitled Discover the Life You Want to Live which is based on my career and writing experiences. I started this blog to help people solve their own problems and to give recognition to all the entrepreneurs out there who have a community and global view and aren't instant millionaires.

We Are All Immigrants

After a stressful conversation today I wanted to clarify something in hopes that the person I spoke with understands why what she said to me made me unhappy. She didn’t like where my conversation was going when I argued with my friend. (We are friends but have differing opinions about things and can sometimes get a little loud. We will probably never agree about some things, but we continue to talk about it.) So, she kept sighing really loudly and interrupted our conversation because she didn’t like what I had to say. I am sad that something bad happened to one of her family members and I told her I was sorry for her loss. Unfortunately, she blames immigrants for all of her sadness on this subject, and blames them for all of our woes in this country. She thinks (her words, not mine) “they are all criminals” and should be “sent back.”

I am saddened that she has no place in her heart to understand that not every person that has been labeled  in a demeaning way as an immigrant is a bad person. After all, unless we are the indigenous people of North America, we ALL came from somewhere else, albeit mostly Europe, but other countries as well. And we as original transplants weren’t all white people. There are many colors of people who came here with hopes and dreams of a society that accepts them for what they are: hard workers who want a safe place to live. We should embrace that all people should be welcome here. It’s the fearmongering people in office who keep stirring it up that the current immigrants are all bad people and so many of us believe this lie.

Immigrants often get a bad reputation due to a combination of factors including negative stereotypes, fear of economic competition, cultural anxieties, political rhetoric, and the use of inflammatory language. Fearmongers continue to paint immigrants as a threat to national identity, jobs, and social cohesion, even when these perceptions are not based on reality. Let’s break that down a little. Here are some key reasons why immigrants might be negatively perceived:
Cultural anxieties: Differences in language, customs, and religion can lead to concerns about cultural assimilation and a perceived loss of national identity, especially when immigration waves are large or from diverse backgrounds. 

Political rhetoric: Politicians often use anti-immigrant rhetoric to mobilize certain voter bases, which can contribute to negative perceptions of immigrants. 

Media portrayal: Certain media outlets might focus on negative stories related to immigration, further reinforcing negative stereotypes. 

Labeling and terminology: Using terms like “illegal immigrant” or “alien” can dehumanize individuals and contribute to negative perceptions. 

Historical prejudices: Past waves of immigration have sometimes been associated with social problems, leading to lingering negative associations with certain immigrant groups. 

I know some of you don’t want to hear it but I will continue to point out inaccuracies about what you say in public. I hope that I will help you realize that not all immigrants are the same. They come from diverse cultures and backgrounds, and just like us, they have different skills and motivations. They want a good life for them and their families in their countries, but cannot get it because of government corruption or other factors that harm them. I will continue to point out the positive impact of immigration. Research has shown that immigrants can contribute significantly to the economy by starting businesses, filling labor shortages, and boosting innovation. I will continue to combat negative stereotypes by promoting accurate information to you, even when you have closed your mind to possibilities. The best way to combat fear and prejudice and challenge harmful stereotypes of these folks, is to not only promote accurate information, but highlight positive immigrant stories, and use inclusive language when talking to each other. I hope you can overcome your fears and stop condemning an entire group of people who are not so different than you.

And that’s the story for today. I still love you all and feel your pain, but this fear must stop. We cannot continue to pass on misinformation among ourselves. We have to take charge and do what we can, one person, and one day at a time. We have to care about each other once again, no matter what we hear from others. I’ll do my best to help everyone. Can you say the same thing?

You Know That You Had a Bad Day When…

Today, an 83-year-old woman in the grocery store thought I was her age. Honestly, I know I didn’t have any makeup on, and my eyes were red, but I was sad about being mistaken as part of the WWII generation. It was too much to bear today. I know I’m no spring chicken, but I am over a decade younger than her. This made me realize that I have to get some pep back in my step! I don’t drink or go out and party anymore so those aren’t even good excuses for me. Being tired is not a good look on me! Maybe I should have just stayed in bed today.

But, alas, things need to get done, and life goes on. When we just want to crawl back in bed, we need to re-focus and do something different for a few minutes. If you’re having a bad day, tell yourself it’s okay, and that we all have bad days, and tomorrow is a new day to start fresh. Tomorrow will be the time to bring back joy in your life surrounded by your friends. So don’t beat yourself up. Try and put your life on pause for a little while so you can rest.

I just discovered Forrest Frank’s YouTube video called “Sit if you’re having a bad day.” Worth the listen:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RWGkzGQVqZo

So remember, just when you think your day is bad, and you are looking older than you are, there are always worse things that might happen to you:
-Your horn sticks on the freeway behind 32 Hell’s Angels
-Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.
-You turn on the evening news and they are showing emergency routes out of the city.
-You realize that you just sprayed spot remover under your arms instead of deodorant.
-The bird singing outside your window is a vulture.
-Your income tax refund check bounces.
-Nothing you own is actually paid for.
-Your doctor tells you that you are allergic to chocolate chip cookies.
-Everyone loves your driver’s license picture.
-The gypsy fortune teller offers to refund your money.
-Everyone is laughing but you.

Love and hugs to all tonight.

Daily Words of Encouragement for Loved Ones

I saw this on a Facebook page (Thank you Mary Ann Steele!) and thought it was worth re-posting. These are wonderful statements that you can also say to your adult peers. Valentine’s Day is fast approaching, but we should use these words of encouragement in conversation each day to energize each other up during the long winter months.

So let’s explore a few of them:
I love you. Simply said, right? And yet we forget to say this to our spouse and children. Each time I talk to either, I always end a phone or text conversation with “Love you.” And they respond, likewise. We know we love each other, but saying it out loud makes it solidify once again in our minds.
You are enough. We are enough for each other. We don’t have to strive to become more worthy, more valid, more acceptable, or more loved. We learn that we are already there when we tell each other this every day that we live our lives.
Let’s figure it out together. We create the space to work together on something that we both need to do or understand. And by creating this safe space, we can eventually figure out a solution and solve the mysteries of life together.
You make a difference. We do make a difference every day if we are always striving for better ways to live and help others.
Never give up. Simple but not. If we can just hold on a little longer we will come back together to happy times. Ignore the daunting news blasts and don’t give up hope. We will survive!
You can achieve great things. Any person can achieve milestones throughout their lives. I am especially proud of my husband and kiddo for all the hard work they put in every day. I am proud that they feel they can accomplish great things in their lifetimes. I support them wholeheartedly.
You’re my favorite part of the day. We come home to each other and tell each other about our day. We talk about things that worry us and also what we can do right now. We make plans for the future and hope for the best.

The point is that we can give each other (or our friends) little doses of love each day and feel whole again. We don’t have to buy into the hate dump. We can remain positive and not go crazy. We can problem-solve together and fix what we can today, and forget about the rest.

And a dose of chocolate doesn’t hurt, either! I am grateful for friendships and family at this point in my life. More to come on love!

Love and Hugs to everyone who needs it tonight.

The Power of Journaling: Leaving Your Mark

I just finished reading an incredible book called The Frozen River by Ariel Lawhon. The heroine, Martha Ballard, (based on a real person in history) is a midwife in the late 1700s and her trials and tribulations make me thankful that I am a woman of a certain age with personal rights and powers in this century (so far). One of the things Martha performed in this story was recording all of her activities each day (with quill and ink no less!) in her journal. In one chapter, she praised her husband for teaching her to read and write (women weren’t allowed or encouraged to do these things in her day). He helped her create a world that opened up so many possibilities. He bought her journals, and created pens for her. She asks herself why the daily writing was so important to her. Martha’s answer to herself was because her “…markings will one day be the only proof that I have existed in this world. That I have lived and breathed…It is not that I want to be remembered, per se. I have done nothing remarkable. Not by the standards of history, at least. But I am here. And these words are the mark I will leave behind.”

WOW! WOW! WOW! 5-star reviews all the way!
Lawhon’s writing inspired me to keep doing what I do. She does her research, and gives amazing details that add to the story. She is a crusader for all women! And she unpacks her story at the end of the book like I do, giving explanations and facts about how the story came to her and how she drafted the book. And, what a record to have uncovered from the past. How cool is that?

So, to me, writing is not just a daily brain exercise, but a way to leave your mark on society. And, yes, we don’t have to write with quills, or even pens and paper, but computers allow us to journal every day, and help us leave a small mark of our existence in a world of unknowns. Daily journalling (or blogging) of any kind can help ease our tortured souls and send questions out to the universe. Even if they don’t get answered, we have aired our frustrations out loud. We have voiced our thoughts on any subject that comes to mind. Sometimes we are way off the mark, but other times we are spot on. It’s this discourse that is needed to have a sane and logical existence for all of us. Writing shouldn’t be about hate, anger, or craziness, just interesting ideas, and history to cogitate on, and maybe words that change our opinions of ourselves and others, and our interactions with others.

So maybe I’ve not taken a lot of paths that I should have taken, but I have found peace in this valley of the Foothills, describing daily life lessons in my little blog. My life is peaceful at the moment and I intend to keep it that way. I have a little piece of paradise, even though it’s really cold outside.

Today I hope you reflect on your life lessons and maybe write a few of them down. (There’s still time to take my Valentine’s Day questionnaire and get back to me!)
https://drutieben.com/2025/01/15/valentines-day-questionnaire/

There’s still time to get on board the love train and make your own noise (or journal them) and make your own mark in the world. Love reigns tonight and I praise you efforts!

Take Heart—Keep Fighting the Good Fight!

Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more…
Now set the teeth and stretch the nostril wide;
Hold hard the breath and bend up every spirit
To his full height. On, on, you noblest English…
I see you stand like greyhounds in the slips,
Straining upon the start.
The game’s afoot:
Follow your spirit; and upon this charge,
Cry
God for Harry! England! and Saint George!’”
—William Shakespeare, Henry V, Act III, Scene I

It’s not complicated. We can all be witnesses or take up the good fight for everyone. We can remain in the shadows or do some small and kind act each day we live. We may not become saints, but we can emulate St. George who is best known as a dragon slayer, patron saint, and Christian martyr. Legend describes St George as a valiant knight who battled a mighty dragon, saving a princess and a village. However, we don’t have to be martyrs. And we don’t have to necessarily be dragon slayers. Sometimes we can train the dragon to help us! We can use the tale to learn to embrace the struggle, his age-old conflict: the battle between light and dark forces. The light shines in each of us and overwhelms any darkness. If we fight the good fight and shine a light on every wrongdoing and misdeed in the world, we will all be known for our kindness and acts of bravery. One day, one good deed, at a time.

So when the fighting’s finally over and everyone is alive and well, you can settle down for the long winter’s night. Remember that there will always be things that go BUMP! in the night. Take heart and ignore them ALL for one brief moment (unless it is a burglar)! Rest easy my friends, and buy a cute coloring book from Amazon:
https://www.amazon.com/Creepy-Things-Coloring-Stickers-Poster/dp/1497206537
and be at peace for the time-being. Tomorrow is another day!

Enough said. Love to all on this frosty night!

Be Brave

Brave: Audacious, confident, courageous, daring, dashing, fearless, gallant, gutsy, heroic, resolute, spirited, spunky, strong, valiant, forward, hardy, stalwart, dauntless, indomitable, intrepid, unflinching, and venturesome!

I have been pondering the term cognitive dissonance and how to be brave in the face of adversity. Cognitive Dissonance means that when you present someone with true facts about a subject, the information clashes with their existing beliefs. Therefore, they experience discomfort, leading them to reject the new information to maintain consistency in their thinking.

To clarify: If you argue with someone about true facts in any given scenario, it makes them uncomfortable because they have to confront unpleasant truths about their reasoning. This leads to a psychological defense mechanism where they dismiss or discredit the information to maintain their current perspective or emotional state; this is often linked to confirmation bias, where individuals tend to prioritize information that aligns with their existing beliefs and disregard contradictory information. 

So here’s the dilemma: If you want to explore subjects that may be uncomfortable, for example copyright laws (recent conversation that left me frustrated!) or negative news, realize that facts that aren’t in line with the majority can trigger negative emotions like anxiety or anger, causing people to subconsciously push back against it. You have to realize that others may not want to accept information that requires them to change their behavior or admit they were wrong. They resist new (or old factual) ideas that you are presenting to them. This leads to what is called confirmation bias. Individuals tend to actively seek out information that confirms their existing beliefs and disregard information that contradicts them, even if it’s accurate

Sometimes the messenger feels a need to be trusted. In the sea of mistrust out in the world, the messenger must be brave and continue to express the significance of hope and respect for any person who is becoming the victim of misinformation. Everyone needs to be brave. They need to acknowledge the bias and prejudice in the world. They need to admit that copyright law exists for original writing and music. The works belong to the writers, composers, and the families. It is not a trivial thing and we have to learn to respect all of these folks in the music and literary industry and not violate copyright law. I don’t know everything about these subjects, but I appreciate it when people stand up for me and my vigilance on this subject.

I don’t argue the facts with others unless they are way off the mark with their comments (incorrect or inaccurate information). I respect that some people are brave enough to support us little people that are trying to do the right thing. I truly dislike when people tell me, “Well that’s your perspective.” It doesn’t solve the problem and it confirms that they weren’t listening to what I had to say.

So, I am asking everyone to try and look on the flip side. I am asking people to have honest conversations, and understand why respect and bravery are important when change needs to happen. We can be brave in this troubled world, and stand up for the folks in need. We can endure many wrongs if we stand up and fight for what is right. Get the picture? Endure any unpleasant situation and persevere. We are strong, bold, beautiful, and brave! Love and hugs to all tonight!

Live in the Moment

Today seemed to be a stressful day so I found some music to calm my brain. I am happy to say love of life is still out there if you look for it. So my message today is to simply Live in the Moment. Forget all the craziness going on out there and be at peace with yourself and others tonight.

My home
Is a girl with eyes like wishing wells
I’m not alone
But I’m still lone, lonely
When I was young
Always go below the midnight sun
Those days are done
But I’m still glowing

Ooh, la, la, la, la, la
Let’s live in the moment
Come back Sunday morning
Oh my, oh well
When you’re gone
Goodbye, so long, farewell

Oh, my god, I can’t believe my eyes
Wake up everybody you know
Come and watch the garden grow
I’ll see you when you get there—Live in the Moment, Portugal the Man
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=53hW7oxYVKI

Here is a wonderful collection that came up in my search for Live in the Moment. Wow! Wow! Wow!

https://singersroom.com/best-songs-about-living-in-the-moment/

Love and kindness to all of you out there. Stay safe!

It’s Not My Time

  • “It’s not my time, I’m not going. There’s a fear in me. It’s not showing. This could be the end of me, and everything I know. Oh, I won’t go.”—Three Doors Down
  • “We must use time as a tool, not as a crutch.”—John F. Kennedy
  • “Time is free, but it’s priceless.”—Harvey MacKay
  • “Time will not slow down when something unpleasant lies ahead.”—Harry Potter 
  • “A man who dares to waste one hour of life has not discovered the value of life.”—Charles Darwin
  • “Yesterday’s the past, tomorrow’s the future, but today is a gift. That’s why it’s called the present.”—Bil Keane
  • “It’s not the time in your life; it’s the life in your time.”—Bruce Springsteen. 
  • “Time waits for no one.”—Geoffrey Chaucer from The Canterbury Tales
  • “The time for action is now. It’s never too late to do something.”—Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

It’s not my time is a concept that we all struggle with throughout our lifetime, and yet there is no one clear cut answer to the question of when will my time actually materialize. We may think it will never come, or we may just avoid the question completely, especially when it comes to our end of life and we feel we haven’t finished everything we wanted to accomplish.

But what is time in the grand scheme of things? It can often refer to a mindset where someone believes a particular opportunity, situation, or life event is not happening for them yet. It suggests that a sense of waiting for the right moment, often tied to feelings of patience, destiny, or a belief that things will align when the time is right. If we settle for what is available right now, and it is not perfect, we may regret it. It may limit our possibilities. But a willingness to wait for something better creates inaction, leading to apathy in the present. Neither is a solution to resolve a current problem.

Sometimes, it’s not my time can be a way to avoid taking risks or making decisions due to fear of potential negative outcomes, creating a self-protective mechanism. We become afraid to think outside the box and just go with the flow with the rest of the world. We don’t want to stick out in the crowd because of fearful consequences. It’s crucial to assess whether it’s not my time is a helpful coping mechanism or a way to avoid taking necessary action. If we stay passive and let life pass us by, or take no action because of fear, we become victims, and that is not a good place to be. We are stronger than that as human beings. We know deep in our hearts we can make the time to teach others how to overcome fear and advocate for action. We know how to create that resilience in others to stand up to all of the injustices in the world.

Some individuals may strongly believe in a predetermined path in life, where certain events are meant to happen at specific times, leading to a sense of resignation or passive acceptance. I’m not ready to give up. I never believed in a predetermined life path and I’m certainly not going to give up and accept things that are just not right in the world, especially right now. I will keep shining a light (or paragraphs) on issues that must be addressed to help us heal and not be so angry all the time.

No matter how much we wish to stop time when hardship is on the horizon, we can’t go against it. The biggest favor we can do ourselves is to accept the passage of time, both when good and bad things happen. But the sooner we face our (and the world’s) troubles, the sooner they’ll be over. Every individual can make a difference.

So, yes, it’s not my time to give up. It’s my time to shine. It’s your time to do the same thing. I love you all and warm thoughts go out to you tonight!

What’s In It for Me?

I have been contemplating why people don’t get involved in other people’s dilemmas in life. Sometimes they just don’t know what to do. Other times, they only look at the personal benefits that they might gain by participating and when they can’t see any benefit of helping others, they don’t get involved. It is that self-centered perspective where the primary concern is one’s own gain or reward that stops people who could really help in a big way.

If people have massive amounts of inherited wealth and have not personally worked for it in a sweat-equity type of work way, the majority of them don’t understand or empathize with why and how the little guy suffers. They chalk it up to them as being lazy, or that they don’t deserve it. They don’t understand the concept of the greater good. The current lack of concern by many oligarchs is worrisome in the grand scheme of things. Helping all humankind rise up should be the number one priority in life, not how the wealthy or people in positions of power are going to keep their money.

None of us will always get recognition for our efforts. Maybe we won’t receive wealthy status in our lifetimes. And if we have to take a step back from the limelight to accomplish greater good goals, that shouldn’t stop us from doing all of those altruistic deeds.

Does something become true if you say it enough times? Not everything is true, and we shouldn’t keep bringing up lies and pretend they are real. But if we keep telling the truth to counteract the lies, perhaps we will see a light at the end of the tunnel. I want to keep reiterating the fact that each person in the universe can make a difference if they care about people who are less fortunate than us no matter what their circumstances are. That is the truth.

What’s in it for me? It is a lifetime of achievement and satisfaction for helping others that is worth more than any recognition or remuneration. That is the goal we should all strive towards.

Lemons and Legacy

It doesn’t seem like these two things are related, but hear me out. I went to lunch and afterwards went to swim in the pool. I was thinking about my baking and how I was going to send my kiddo some of the chai shortbread. And then I thought, “Ooh, the lemon shortbread is also good and I should bake those, too!” Which of course led me to, “I’ve gotta put that on the grocery list.” So, here I am making that mental list. Then, I sang our choir songs for a while, (I water walk/swim for an hour), and then my thoughts moved on to: “Why do we think lemons are a metaphor for bad things?” (This is my brain exercise and I have been turning into Sheldon from Big Bang Theory for years!)

The word lemon brings thoughts of something being poor, bad, or broken, or giving an unsatisfactory answer. Lemon symbolizes something that looks sweet but is bitter to the taste so that could mean negativity, disappointment, betrayal, or a bad or bitter experience. Finally lemon can be a metaphor for a defective product, for example a car that looks good on the outside but has significant flaws or problems underneath.

Next, I started thinking about the news (Pod Save America hosts were on Colbert last night) and thus my thoughts went a little downhill from there.

Over these last few days, the news has been somewhat abysmal, yet there are some highlights that I have been contemplating about, such as the loss of two great men in my lifetime, one more recent than the other – Martin Luther King and President Jimmy Carter. They left a legacy that will be hard for anyone to follow.

Martin Luther King Jr.’s greatest achievements include leading the civil rights movement, organizing nonviolent protests, and delivering his famous I Have a Dream speech at the march on Washington in 1963. The speech called for an end to segregation and racism in the United States.
-He was a leader of the modern American Civil Rights Movement in the 1960s, organizing and leading marches and boycotts.
-He was a catalyst for the passage of the Civil Rights Act of 1964.
-He organized nonviolent protests, advocating for nonviolent methods.
-King led the Montgomery Bus Boycott, a nonviolent protest that lasted over a year.
-He refused to allow violence, prison, or the threat of death to sway his goals. 
-In 1964, King became the youngest person to win the Nobel Peace Prize.

I was young when the civil rights riots took place, but growing up in the south you were exposed to that hatred and fear so it was absorbed into your very bones. I believed in Dr. King’s fight and contemplated how I might make a difference in the future. The injustices that occurred back then cannot be undone, and yet some of us learned that if we kept fighting, one neighborhood at a time, we could help others who didn’t look like us get the justice they deserved. Some of us still have hate in our hearts, but I will continue to strive to overcome that hate in others every day that I am on this earth. I commit small acts of kindness every day and that’s what I can do right now. I believe in Martin Luther King’s legacy. His message and model have reminded us over the years how to combat inequality today. 

Jimmy Carter might not have been the greatest president, but he made great strides. Here are some of the facts about him:
-As president, Carter pardoned all Vietnam draft evaders and negotiated several major foreign policy agreements, including the Camp David Accords, the Panama Canal Treaties, and the second round of Strategic Arms Limitation Talks, and he established diplomatic relations with China. He also confronted stagflation.
-As president, he set out to increase human and social services. He created the Department of Education, bolstered the Social Security system, and appointed record numbers of women, blacks, and Hispanics to Government jobs. In foreign affairs, Carter set his own style.
-After his presidency, President Carter emerged as a champion of human rights and worked for several charitable causes. He and his wife Rosalynn traveled as freelance ambassadors all over the world to help others. In 1982, he established the Carter Center to promote and expand human rights, which earned him a Nobel Peace Prize in 2002. He traveled extensively to conduct peace negotiations, monitor elections and further the eradication of infectious diseases. Their dedication to eradicating Guinea worm disease (dracunculiasis) was exemplary. Under his championship cases dropped from 3.5 million in the mid-1980s to just eleven cases so far in 2024.
-Additionally, Carter worked with Habitat for Humanity International, an organization that works worldwide to provide housing for underprivileged people. Through such projects, Carter has maintained a high profile; he was often seen on television, wielding a hammer, and helping with Habitat home construction or providing his opinions on the issues of the day.

I grew up in Georgia and remembered visiting his hometown when I was young. I never met him, but people loved him. I campaigned and voted for him when I was in college and was so proud people listened to me and also voted for him. His legacy inspired me to give to needy causes such as Habitat for Humanity, and volunteer and work on various local projects over the years.

So when we Lemons need to change our image (and thoughts, and actions…), we need to make lemonade and create our own legacy. Life may give you lemons every day, but you can make your own lemonade (or lemon melt-away shortbread cookies!) and find your way to overcome the challenges presented to you and keep a positive attitude no matter what happens. Do something great every day. Forgive and be happy with the accomplishments you’ve made in your lifetime so far. Achieve your lifelong dream no matter how old you are and forget about the naysayers and crazies for a little while because no one that I know of can predict my future. I love you all and send you warm wishes!