Author Archives: Drusilla Tieben (Dru)

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About Drusilla Tieben (Dru)

I am a former police officer, crime analyst, profiler and trainer. I hold a black belt in Aikido. In the past, I've had to make immediate decisions for people in life-threatening situations. I applied the law, martial arts principles, and life lessons, in a logical and ethical manner, and helped victims gain a sense of organization and control over their lives. I wrote a book entitled Discover the Life You Want to Live which is based on my career and writing experiences. I started this blog to help people solve their own problems and to give recognition to all the entrepreneurs out there who have a community and global view and aren't instant millionaires.

WHAT WE VALUE AND THE STORIES BEHIND THEM

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This is the time of year we think of our first memories of the holidays and reflect on what we learn. Alas, the walls of my memory divide the thorns from the roses, so I endeavor to think most about the good times or roses, and what lessons I learned to be the person I am today. Here are some thoughts on who I am. I encourage you to write about who you are and ask yourself: “Are you the person you want to be?”

I am the product of a southern belle princess and a country farmer. My parents grew up in the Deep South during the Depression and World War II. My father was in the navy and my mother worked in a department store. I am the middle kid. I am a Baby Boomer.

I was known as that weird kid because I didn’t fit into any mold of what a normal teenager was thought to be, those molds that others love to put themselves in. I grew up in an era where being smart, having coke bottle glasses, and being awkward and opinionated made me stick out like a sore thumb. In the Deep South, those were the very things that made ridicule come easily from my classmates.

My life was one of marching to the beat of a different drum and this lifestyle would get me into arguments with people of all ages. I would always fight the good fight, for what was just and right. Slowly, friends I had known since first grade systematically shut me out. We went our separate ways, and I never heard from most of them again.

As a young child, I began to question why people do the things they do. Why would they hold onto hate that was over a hundred years old? Why didn’t I feel the same way? I would ask myself, “Why couldn’t I just be that cute cheerleader who fits in?” You know what I’m talking about: the ones that fit the mold and went to all the cool parties; the one who was just part of the gang. Why did I have so many reasons to want to change the world? Why didn’t I just settle down and have a family like all the other girls? (OK, so maybe they were having kids at thirteen back then, so I said ‘No, thank you!’).” So, I kept telling myself, “I can make a difference in the world if I am given the chance.”

Finally, I did get that chance and many more when I became an adult. I chose the path to make a difference in the world, no matter how hard it was to obtain. I moved away to achieve the things I dreamed about. And I never looked back.

Even though I am now in the senior citizen category, I still categorize myself as that weird kid who thinks too much. I have been a southerner, and a country girl now turned city girl. I remember the Vietnam War and high school friends who never came back. I remember Iraq and Afghanistan wars and those who never came back. I remember so many firsts from my fellow police academy graduates. My classmates graduated to become some of the best and the first truly educated and understanding officers the state of Georgia had ever seen – the first African American state trooper in South Georgia, the first woman game and fish officer, the first women working as patrol officers for the Atlanta PD, and the first women correctional officers and trainers. I have been a correctional officer trainer, a police officer and behavioral profiler, and another first – creating the first serious juvenile offender program for the police in Colorado. We all broke down these barriers, women and people of color no longer designated to the secretarial or motor pool, back in the day when disco was hot, and cocaine flowed freely. I remember police friends who got so burned out they had to quit.

I went to college in both the 1970’s and again in the 1980’s. Some of my generation thought of ourselves as a lost generation because we were not the classic Boomer generation. We had different worldly causes than those of our mothers and fathers. Our generation wanted change, fairness, honesty, and hope. Today, I still get into a lot of animated and sometimes hostile discussions with people who are both younger and older and have differing opinions. I constantly remind myself that I need to try and respect their opinions even though I disagree with them. I want to have animated discourse but not the current hostility where no one listens to each other.

I am ashamed of the southern people that I see on television today that have so much hate in their hearts. I decided a long time ago that since I expect so much from myself it is okay to expect the best out of others, so I keep trying to make them understand love and kindness.

Today, half the people believe that our society cannot change for the better, even when I tell them that we control our own lives. There is still too much war in the world and less talk of peace and unconditional love. These were the visions of my bohemian hippie generation. I think there’s a need for people like me out there – one that still believes in those old ideals yet has a demanding work ethic to make change happen and make people believe in the future.

I’ve made my own way in the Wild, Wild West. I have fully participated in the world, I write and publish about things that matter, sometimes couched in fun mysteries, and believe I have made a difference. I’ve had my “fifteen minutes of fame” and am ready for the next fifteen. Are you ready? I wish you happy holidays and fulfillment in your lives.

Enjoy these puns based on songs while you spend time with your family. And try not to fight, just have a peaceful moment in time. Happy Thanksgiving!

Hit me baby one more thyme.

It’s all about that baste.

Give peas a chance.

All pie myself.

Talk turkey to me.

Did you hear about the Pilgrim band? They’re called “New Kids on the Rock.”

Turkey deeds done dirt cheap.

Breaking Free from Smartphone Addiction

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Okay, I’m gonna go all Grandma on you for this post. Picture this caricature, shaking her fist at this new generation (including parents of this generation) for a moment and bear with me.

I am worried about us not personally connecting anymore. I see people scrolling texts and sites on their phones everywhere I go, even walking down the street. The advertisements encourage this behavior, so we’ll buy more connectivity at home. No one talks to each other at home, during meals and family time, or out in the world anymore. Instead, they are addicted to “clicks and likes.”

According to many addiction counselors, a person is addicted if they are compelled to watch their phones for “clicks and likes.” They are seeking validation and a sense of reward by constantly checking for social media interactions like likes, comments, and shares, often leading to excessive time spent on those platforms. They become overly focused on gaining digital approval through these interactions.

The negative impact on mental health is the dopamine rush associated with receiving positive feedback. The dopamine reward system (neurotransmitter associated with pleasure) can lead to tolerance, much like substance addiction. The positive feedback loop encourages further engagement to seek more likes.

The desire for social validation is a key driver of this behavior, as people may feel a sense of self-worth based on the number of likes they receive. Unfortunately, excessive focus on likes can lead to anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, and neglecting real-life relationships and responsibilities. 

The other addiction is called Nomophobia, or cell phone addiction. It is a behavioral addiction that can negatively impact your life. The signs for addiction can include:

You can’t stop checking your phone, even if it has a negative consequence; you experience anxiety, agitation, or disorientation when you can’t use your phone; and you neglect your responsibilities or relationships. The compulsion is fueled by games apps, and online worlds. Cell phone addiction can negatively impact your mental health, causing poor sleep quality, stress, anxiety, and depression. 

Young and older adults can benefit from pausing the social media cycle by taking a moment to turn it off. You can reduce your social media apps or put them in a folder away from your home screen. Or simply remove the apps from your home screen entirely.

When parents and grandparents give up and let their children do what they want to on their phones, sometimes an outside force makes the move to do it for them. As a result, here is what happened in our district last night. This was the news release from our local school district:

BOULDER, Colo. — The Boulder Valley School District Board (BVSD) of Education passed a no-cellphones policy for high schools Tuesday night. The policy said social media and technology are worsening student mental health and disrupting classroom learning. “This over-reliance on cellphones vs. interactions with peers is a troubling trend that is affecting the mental health of students that we serve,” Dr. Rob Anderson, BVSD superintendent, said.

So, I want to thank you BVSD for the ban on cellphones in high school during school hours. I’ve been writing to you for years to ban cellphones while kids are in school. There is no need for a kid to get so involved in the drama on their phone that they do not participate in learning the subjects they need to understand the world they’ll be living in after high school. Upping the game on learning is so important these days, and we adults forget about that, especially if we’ve had bad experiences in early education and high school. Teachers today are overwhelmed with trying to get information across when the kids aren’t focused. They get tired when they try to talk over inattentive kids listening to so much outside noise, and I understand their frustrations. I want to say thank you to all teachers who put up with all our children daily and put up with parents who won’t let the teachers do their jobs.

I want to encourage parents and grandparents to understand this outside noise addiction and create a downtime space for all kids and grandkids, and themselves. My personal routine is to turn my attention to writing and other creative matters when things are crazy on all the news stations and social media. I hope you will do the same. Tell all your friends about it and have that moment of Zen. Thank you for taking the next positive step to heal the world and the people in it.

Creating a Local Utopia: Building Communities of Equality

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The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines Utopia as a place of ideal perfection especially in laws, government, and social conditions, and an impractical scheme for social improvement.

There’s quite literally no place like utopia. In 1516, English humanist Sir Thomas More published a book titled Utopia, which compared social and economic conditions in Europe with those of an ideal society on an imaginary island located off the coast of the Americas. More wanted to imply that the perfect conditions on his fictional island could never really exist, so he called it “Utopia,” a name he created by combining the Greek words ou (“not, no”) and topos (“place”). The earliest generic use of utopia was for an imaginary and indefinitely remote place. The current use of utopia, referring to an ideal place or society, was inspired by More’s description of Utopia’s perfection.

More’s use of the term “Utopia” was intended to show how people could live in peace and happiness if they did what he thought was right.

Utopias are often discussed as aspirational goals for society, and to criticize how current societies work. Utopian and utopianism are also terms used to describe visionary reform that is often impossibly idealistic. Perfection is impossible because everybody has different ideas in which they believe; a utopia would have to emerge from a combination of them all.

There is no society then or now where institutions and policies are entirely governed by reason. The order and dignity of such a state was intended to provide a notable contrast with the unreasonable polity of Christian Europe, divided by self-interest and greed for power and riches. Sound familiar?

As a person who believes that all people are equal and should have a place at the table, the current environment will not support this at the global level. I can only hope the world will evolve to embrace this thought of a society where we can all ignore the media and hatred in the coming years and keep a haven in the community where we currently live. If we can keep this in our hearts when dealing with others different from ourselves, society may evolve through our grassroots efforts. We must go beyond hate and start small.

This holiday let’s welcome one person to our dinner table for an opportunity to gain knowledge and experience from one other. Perhaps we can create a small utopia in our neighborhood. Thank you for continuing the conversation. I look forward to hearing from you.

Rediscovering My Bucket List: Adventures After 40

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Remember when we were 25 years old and thought 40 years old was such a long way away? Remember when we produced our bucket list? I do. However, I did not produce mine until I was 40 years old and still haven’t completed it all. I do not regret completing everything at my age. The reason I have not completed it is that I am still alive and working towards checking off another item on the list every day right now. So maybe I’m not in the shape I was when I was 25, but I made it up all those hills in the almost 100-degree desert this summer. Maybe I haven’t traveled to the other side of the world, but I will do that before I die. I might not ever be a best-selling author, but I will keep writing and publishing my stories. I can’t make a perfect pie crust or biscuit, but that doesn’t stop me from trying.

This summer we took a road trip through Utah, taking the long way around to get the kiddo back to college in Salt Lake City. I re-visited national parks that I haven’t seen in thirty years. It was still beautiful, not as I remember it from the past with way too many people. It was a wonderful adventure even though there were so many changes, both environmentally and city and population growth. Change happens no matter how we want it to stay the same, but I know it is a good thing to look at places I have been to through the eyes of others.

I look at other peoples’ bucket lists and wish that I had done more of the extremely hard physical activities on my list earlier in my life. I read one person’s bucket list that made me laugh: “Ride an elephant,” And yep, we did that at our wedding! I have visited almost all fifty states in my lifetime. I wanted to name a few places I have experienced. There is so much more, but I’ll leave that for another blog:

I hiked a small part of the Appalachian Trail on the weekends. I hiked and camped for seven days in the Grand Canyon with my best friends. I found the most amazing banana slugs hiking in the beautiful wet forests of the state of Washington, and watched the fish being tossed back and forth by the workers at Fisherman’s wharf. I have been to Gatlinburg, Tennessee (before it burned), and the Outer Banks of North Carolina. I went to Legoland, La Joya to watch the seals and visited Coronado Island and the Mission district of San Diego. I went to Las Vegas with my best friend back in the 1990s. I have rafted in Canyonlands and the Arkansas River. We went to Hawaii to two islands. In Oahu we snorkeled in Hanauma Bay and other places. In Maui, we drove up Haleakala, took the road to Hana, and hiked the bamboo forest to the top. I took the little car up to the top of the Arch in St. Louis, MO and that was scarier than any of the waters we rafted. There are so many other places I have been to in the States but now I want to adventure out of the country. I have never been to Canada or Europe and that is the part of the bucket list I hope to complete before I die. Learning about different communities helps me grow and appreciate unfamiliar cultures and lifestyles while contributing to their economies. I look forward to completing other adventures in the coming years and learning something new each day. So, for today, I ask that you lighten up and let me know of your experiences.

As a final note, below is a list of a few more puns to lighten your day! Enjoy.

  1. Why did Adele cross the road? To say “Hello” from the other side.
  2. What kind of concert only costs 45 cents? A 50 Cent concert featuring Nickelback.
  3. What did the grape say when it got crushed? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
  4. I want to be cremated as it is my last hope for a smoking hot body.
  5. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
  6. To the guy who invented zero, thanks for nothing.

Dismantling Fear: A Path to Personal Empowerment

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Dissatisfiers: Fear, Anger, and Prejudice. These are three underlying emotions that will control our lives, cause closed-mindedness, and inhibit growth. How can we recognize our hidden potential if we let these emotions control us? We can get back on the designated path if we acknowledge that these emotions are taking us in the direction we do not want to go. The last few posts have focused on anger and prejudice, but today I want to talk about fear.

The media will always give the worst-case scenarios. They need you to watch their feeds, so each station tries for more drama and gore. Exposure to negative news can lead to feelings of helplessness, depression, and aggression. The sensationalize or oversimplify stories that create fear. They oversimplify stories without providing enough context. It paralyzes us into taking no action. Consuming too much news, especially on television and social media, can increase emotional distress. This is sometimes called “doomscrolling”. It can make us panic and lose our ability to reason.

If we can re-focus and become more adventurous, we can increase our coping skills. We face each new situation with more knowledge and become fearless. We learn to make better decisions that are good for survival. By learning to make these personal decisions every time we venture out, we learn to be less apathetic because we are not afraid to get involved. In his book The Search, author, and wilderness expert Tom Brown, stated that “If I can face fear, real or imagined, it will disappear…. Fear can be overcome and panic abated by trust in oneself and one’s knowledge.”

By choosing to be fearless, we gain courage in our decisions and actions. We stand up to evil people with loving hearts. The late great Martin Luther King, Jr. believed in his cause, and was not deterred by accusations, threats, or warnings. Fear did not dominate him. He looked at a dangerous threat and continued to be an active participant of change because he wanted to help all people who were being oppressed. We cannot change everything, and terrible things are always going to happen to people who do not deserve it, but we can try helping one person every day. Alice Hoffman put it very succinctly in her book Faithful. “Who made it your job to feel guilty for every bad thing that happens?” We cannot stop every painful act to us or to another, but we can attempt to do the right thing every day we live.

We can all overcome fears about change by understanding the past, integrating old but good memories, and creating a better world for the future. We cannot fix Everything, Everywhere, All at Once (Title of excellent movie, by the way), but we can dwell on what we can do today. So, instead of watching the news, turn it off on all devices, and go for a walk in the neighborhood. Observe your surroundings. What can you change right now?

For more information on this subject, see my book Discover the Life You Want to Live (still on Amazon for purchase). I promise it will make you think and take you to a place that is better than where you are right now.

Reflection Day, Sacred Spaces, and Kid Jokes

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Although I am not Blake Welch, an amazing local artist and photographer (and my neighbor!), I drew this when I was younger than today and the people of the world still had hope. One starry, peaceful night, I was reflecting on how we forget the beauty around us. I thought about how we can create a natural environment with a little love and dedicated days of arduous work. I came back inside and created my blueprint (drawing) of what a peaceful night in my backyard sacred space would look like. (The item in the front circle is a Chimenea which is a clay outdoor fireplace that is common in the southwest. It is not a cat!) Over the last 20 years, I have modified my back yard to be a place that we can love and escape the real world for a moment in time. It doesn’t look exactly like this, but each year I improve it.

We do not need deities outside ourselves to be at peace and be a better person to all. We just must be better people! So, for today, I hope you had a fun, relaxing day while you visit your own sacred spaces outside in the green world!

And on a final note, let’s lighten up the mood and learn to appreciate a child’s point of view (Kid Jokes):

If a parsley farmer is sued, do they garnish his wages?

When it rains, why don’t sheep shrink?

If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?

If a funeral procession is at night, do the people drive with their lights off?

Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?

What was the best thing BEFORE sliced bread?

Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Why do they call a finished building a building? Shouldn’t it be a BUILT?

When cows laugh, does milk come out of their nose?

(Bring you back to elementary school?)

Love to everyone out there on this beautiful day.

Battling Prejudice: A Unique Fantasy Narrative

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“The more you are marginalized by society, the more society guilts you into doing more. You become fearful of being labeled lazy.” – Jaiya John

“When we see injustices, both great and small, we think, That’s terrible, but we do nothing. We say nothing. We let other people fight their own battles. We remain silent because silence is easier.” – Roxane Gay

Each person is unique in every way and yet we ignore and hate those who are not exactly like us. My books focus on those who are different from anyone else in society, those who are considered marginalized people, not because they are like those who are marginalized in the current real world due to race, gender, religion, or any other earthly prejudice, but because of their mental abilities and magical powers. This unique group is being hunted on earth, and the non-human off-world creatures want to capture them for their own powerful agenda. The off-world folks do not care about anyone else who lives on the planet and will destroy all people who get in their way.

So, I thought I would present you with a teaser chapter from my next book to ponder what the possibilities are that are beyond our everyday prejudices and the world we currently live in today. The final book of the Caitlin Ferguson Mysteries is set fifteen years in the future and goes beyond our earthly worries.

Here is an excerpt from Chapter 35, titled The Storyteller:

We remember what it was like before the rifts. How we were blamed for everything. We remember how we were feared and treated badly, like a disease that needed to be eliminated. Some of us didn’t make it, but the ones that survived made their way to the farm. Katie took us in, and we protected her and her kin. We know what we must do to keep this place safe. We learn so we can fight for her.

I am worried about the state of the world and what it has become. Even though we don’t have any contact with the media blitz about how bad our people are in the world, we feel the hate of those who don’t understand us, even here, in our protected bubble. It is easier to hate an entire marginalized group than fix an existing problem. What normal people don’t know is that they are currently the marginalized people to the off-worlders. The new invading unearthly force wants to wipe out most of the normal human race for the betterment of their race. And they want to capture us to forward their agenda. Kinda funny to face that reality right now, huh?

But the story must be told in case anyone is left on the planet and history repeats itself once again in the aftermath. We will fight and die if necessary to keep the little ones safe. We will fight to get them off-world into a safe space. And we will fight and die to help all the normal people as well, even though they hate us. It is in our nature to protect others at all costs, no matter how much they hate us.

Possibilities

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Winter is on its way and the snow has brought down the last of the leaves. The green is gone for another year, and we must be patient for spring. I am finished with the garden for another year. Possibilities are still forthcoming in my brain for the next season.        

Avoidance has left me a little somber. I have come full circle and am back at the desk, coming back to writing. Possibility lingers in the air and creating availability to write is a priority. Avoidance never gets you anywhere. My vintage lofty goals and expectations of actions that matter may make me obsolete in the eyes of some. Many of the people I meet have not been exposed to the underbelly of the big cities and rural America’s prejudice like I have. Strange how we think we know everything and yet when fear rears its ugly head the reactions change to thoughts and ideas that do not fit expectations. Our polite society has always been ambiguous at best and yet if we do not continue strive for it, society as we know it will go away. We must reach further every day to break down the barriers and create a society where it fulfills the hopes and dreams for everyone.

I implore you to have your own lofty goals and expectations. Create your own possibilities and act on them. Act with kindness, give care, speak your truth, be one less negative person in the world.

Embracing New Adventures in Life’s Next Phase

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Today, I started a blog about addiction to clicks and likes but decided to go in another direction. Instead, I looked at my journal from 2023, after my only child left for college. It is worth publishing today.

I woke up to a more positive outlook today. I am trying to move onto this new phase in my life – reinvention of the self. What if I did not accomplish all the things I wanted to, and what if I was not as brave as I wanted to be? It is time to move on and create amazing new adventures. Knowing I can do that has given me new hope. Everyone who looks at me and expects me to be that little old lady is wrong. I strive to be heard in a unique way. Minute details and wrongness still bother me, and I continue to get caught in all the drama. But I take a moment to reflect on perceived dismissals (really stew about it). I calm my mind to get to the real internal conflict. I ask myself these questions: “How can I move on and work from a place where things make sense in this very moment?” “How do I filter the noise?”

Today is a new day to begin anew. There will always be wars, famine, and death. News will always include political craziness and sad stories. Do what you can, but don’t become overwhelmed.

Teachers will never live up to all your expectations. Learning will continue to be a struggle. Resolve to learn something new and complete a charitable deed each day. Figure out a way to live inside your thoughts and actions. It is how we deal with that noise that is critical to survival. Sometime, routine is the key ingredient to the creation of beautiful prose. When you read or hear something that makes you cry, you know that it has hit home in your heart. You know that the writing is beautiful. Writers are notorious loners when it comes to creating a story and I must learn to live with that. I get out when I need to and stay home to work.

I repeat. Today is a new day. Keep reminding yourself of this and know you are valued and loved. Take one step at a time! I look forward to hearing about your adventures.

Empathy and Positivity: Reflections from Emily Bleeker’s Novels

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I have been immersed in the future apocalyptic world of my new novel. Therefore, I want to end the day with an upbeat message to readers.

We are all trying to cope every day with the ilk and despair that negative people and posts bring. If each person would just focus on one good thing that happened each day in their life, these sad people will not have a hold on us.

I recently completed reading a two-book fiction series by Emily Bleeker: When We Were Enemies and When We Chased the Light. These books were light reads about a small-town Indiana girl who became an incredible actor (Vivian Snow). She started out as a singer, working in the USO during WWII, and made it to the big screen. Although I did not agree with all her choices, I loved how she coped and what she revealed to the reader in the end. The quote headings are my interpretation:

Helping Others: “Very Rarely is judgment the correct response to a cry for help.”

Empathy and Understanding: “Perhaps we don’t have to be perfect—perhaps we only have to be better than what was given to us.”

Aging: “I’ve spent less time worrying about how I look and more time worrying about what meaning I’ll leave behind.”

Thank you, Emily, for this inspiring story and what we can take away. I resolve to be completely present in any given moment and interact with others with more meaningful dialogue. I look forward to your comments and what you are doing to help your mindset.