Dru Tieben's Writing Corner

Musings and Meanderings

Pick One Cause

Posted on February 25, 2025 by Drusilla Tieben (Dru)

This year’s background noise is sometimes just too much to handle. So, pick your cause and stick to it. Don’t worry about everything else even if it is going down the drain. Choose what you desire to help with and then do it! Imagine if millions of people did this, the world would slowly change for the good. Me? I’m focusing on education and feeding people. If we can help the little ones, we might have a better future.

Short but sweet tonight. Here is a great blog on people that you should admire, love, and emulate. We can only achieve greatness if we learn from the best:
https://www.buzzfeed.com/hannahmarder/celebs-that-are-universally-loved

Love to all. Be safe!

How Did You Get This Way?

Posted on February 24, 2025 by Drusilla Tieben (Dru)

Weren’t you loved enough when you were little? I am referring to the outrageous acts of shameful behavior (to get attention) that are going on with some of our billionaires (you know who I am talking about) and that guy in office. I would love to send these two lists to their mothers and fathers and ask them “Why?” And “What happened to their parenting of these children that made them behave this way as adults?” And why are 25% of the population still enamored with these folks? Why are people giving them the attention and worship that they do NOT deserve?

Maybe the parents of these disgruntled yet very loud people should look back into history and learn from the best. I can start them out! Here are 25 of history’s greatest moms (taken from the website):

Mental Floss

And interestingly enough there were only 10 dads listed In history that I could find in this website:

Listverse
1.        William Jackson Smart
2.         J.R.R. Tolkien
3.         Eddie Koiki Mabo
4.         Amasa Coleman Lee
5.         John Holter
6.         Chiune “Sempo” Sugihara
7.         Frederick Kohner
8.         Joseph Friedman
9.         Candido Jacuzzi
10.       Amilcare Anguissola

A Forbes Magazine article quoted two authors regarding why the rich are different:
The author F. Scott Fitzgerald is credited with saying: “The rich are different from you and me.” And Ernest Hemingway is supposed to have responded: “Yes, they have more money.” In fact, the actual words Fitzgerald used in his short story “The Rich Boy” (1926) are: “Let me tell you about the very rich. They are different from you and me. They possess and enjoy [it] early, and it does something to them, makes them soft, where we are hard, cynical where we are trustful, in a way that, unless you were born rich, it is very difficult to understand.” Forbes Study

While I don’t agree with all of the study’s test results, overall, I think there is some validity to look into this kind of research further and include data from the recent behaviors of those billionaires who are making the most noise (in the negative of ways). I think we little people should ask why they are throwing huge tantrums in public and not helping fix the problems instead of making more problems with their drama and actions. They don’t deserve the attention they are getting and if they were in my school, they would probably have been asked to sit in the corner for a while and think about their outbursts (or getting a swat on their bottoms (back in my day).

When we were kids, we learned to share and share alike, because none of us had a lot to give. It seems that some of the poorest people are the kindest people and give what they can no matter how small. For the most part, they nurture their children and care more about their neighbors. But, it isn’t just a small-town thing, or a poor people thing. It’s about all parents caring and teaching their children how to behave. It’s about parents and teachers nurturing them when they were young, and showing them how to give meaningfully to others, especially when they inherit ALL their wealth. It’s about believing in a polite democratic society that helps everyone, not just perpetuate the 2%.

I always find it interesting that the ex-wives, like MacKenzie Scott, give away their wealth. Sure, it doesn’t necessarily sustain the organizations long-term, but it is a huge gift either way. Why doesn’t her ex-husband do the same? He seems to just give it away to his wealthy friends for political reasons.

You don’t have to give it all away but giving is a noble endeavor, no matter how much you give. Hopefully, it also humbles you into understanding the underdog and why we must always help them.

As we head towards a revolution because of this disparity of wealth, we still worship the super-rich. I cannot hold all this in my head. There is a really spot-on article about this from last December in Psychology Today and I encourage you to read and discuss it for some answers you are seeking: Why Do We Hero-Worship Billionaires

So, yeah, probably a little bit preachy tonight, but I ponder these things to help others move their thoughts along. I love you all and hope you can give your hearts over to doing the right thing every day that you live on this planet!

Creating the Story of Your Life

Posted on February 23, 2025 by Drusilla Tieben (Dru)

Today I was thinking about all the people who tell me: “Here is an idea for a book!” or “Here’s a great title for a book!” I smile politely (sometimes through gritted teeth) and say to them: “Thank you, but I have more ideas than I can possibly write about in my lifetime. I encourage you to write about your ideas!” And: “I am looking forward to seeing your book that you’ve written with this title!” Amazing…. So, if you are in the mood to give advice to authors, please think before you speak. The art of creating is not as easy as you think it is, and dedication to finishing any project is a life-long endeavor.

Here are some of my weird beginnings of late. So many ideas for so many tales that haven’t been told. I’d love to hear how your story goes with these beginnings!

These contributions to the dangerous and fascinating subject of ….
With the door shut…..
As a junkie craves a fix, ….
Walking around the rooms differ so completely, like growing up in a fairy tale. One room has a southwestern theme, so many Indian prints, and southwestern woven fabrics on the futon. One room has leather couches and Japanese calligraphy. And of course there is the baby’s room with Winnie the Pooh. This house won’t make Decorations Quarterly, but it is very lived in and full of love. (Walking around the house one day when Kiddo was little)….
Flies do indeed have internal clocks….
It happened one day, almost by accident….
In the ways only cats were given….
I’d had a series of unfortunate jobs….
The walls of my memory divide the thorns from the roses….
You realize, of course, he’s going to turn 14 someday and rebel against all of your religious patter….

We all have stories to tell and we desire to be heard. Stories don’t have to be tragic or angry diatribes. They can be magical; tales we told our children. They can be mysterious, scientific or science fiction. They can be soulful. They can be beautiful memories that might seem common to the individual. But to the people who read them, they can inspire a new generation of storytellers.

There are only so many days to put it out there in our lifetimes. Wouldn’t it be great if we wrote these beautiful thoughts down every day that we live to pass on for generations?

I love you all on this beautiful day and hope you write about your wonderful dreams of how we should live in the world.

How We Communicate as We Age

Posted on February 22, 2025 by Drusilla Tieben (Dru)

Welllll…yesterday I was in music La La Land, wrapped up in tunes from long ago and far away for our next concert. So, I didn’t get around to posting, and I broke my writing streak! But “I’m back, baby!” Day 107, and counting up again! Frank Costanza-Seinfeld

Recently, I have been hanging out with a bunch of seniors and I have been pondering how we communicate, because we all seem to be talking at the same time and none of us are listening to what each of us are saying.

For example, I explain something or try and state what needs to be done, and the other person bounces back and said, “So you want me to do this (some task at hand that we’ve agreed to)?” And, I said, “No, I want you to do this.” And it goes back and forth like this verbally until I think they finally hear me. Or so I thought. Then, I get a text and they say, “You want me to do this?” And I text back, and say, “Noooo. I want you to do this.” And, then I get an email saying, “So I’m doing this, right?” At that point I get a little exasperated and say it one more time, hoping for the best outcome, or I say, “Never mind, I’ll do it.” So here’s the thing. Am I communicating the task clearly? Or is the other person communicating what’s in their head and not listening? Or do they just not want to listen or do the task at hand, even though they volunteered?

There have been several studies conducted on our aging brains over the last 20 years, and here are some brief summaries of what I have discovered that might be the cause of our communication dilemmas:

-Hearing Loss: Sometimes we just don’t literally hear what the other person is saying whether it is a physical manifestation, or background noise inhibiting what is being said. Closing the door to noises and speaking one on one to relay the message you intended is helpful.
-Elderspeak: We are so used to people feeding us (seniors) information in small bits, almost as if they were speaking to babies, and over-explaining topics, that we tend to stop listening when others use long sentences. While explaining things in a slower speech, not using complex sentences and repeating the facts may work for those who are really impaired. However, sometimes this method backfires on those who are still cognitively with us. We need to explain things thoroughly, but we need to continue to speak to adults like adults in hopes that they become better listeners, and thus better doers.
-Word Retrieval Failures: Sometimes we call these senior moments. We are receiving the information as a transmission, but we don’t know how to retrieve the response from our brain because the connections have weakened over time. For example, this is particularly common when we are trying to think of the name of a famous person or actor. I continue to blank on Elijah Wood for some reason. I have to look him up every time I am trying to relate a story or a movie he’s in (Frodo in Lord of the Rings, duh…) And I love his works, so why do I forget that?

These are only a few items that have been discussed in the National Institute of Health’s publication. Check it out and read this interesting paper on some of the earliest discoveries of our aging brains: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK97337/

Back in the early 2000s, there was much discussion about using technology to help others understand what we are saying. For example, there have been great strides in the speech to text capabilities and use of computers and phones to translate what is being said. This is a wonderful tool, and folks like Senator John Fetterman of Pennsylvania is a great advocate of this. He has a brain injury and uses technology to help him understand speech and the language of others. Sometimes I think groups that I am currently involved in could use this technique to relay messages. They would also benefit the use of this technology as a learning tool to actively listen.

In a Psychology Today article Language, Comprehension and the Aging Brain, the author discusses the concepts of working memory and verbal fluency. “Working memory is our ability to remember and manipulate a small chunk of information in an immediate context, as opposed to committing something to our longer-term memory (e.g., to remember that information at some later point) or even just holding information while we jot it down but don’t alter it…” (commonly known as short-term memory).

Verbal fluency is being able to communicate information from any category and relay it to another person. “For instance, when asked to come up with as many names as they [seniors] can for a given category (e.g., plants or animals), [is] a task requiring them to search through word meanings that have been cognitively stored, older adults generate fewer terms overall and have less range in terms of the terms they come up with.”

This article suggests that “…print exposure, i.e., reading experience, not only helps by providing another source of information to draw upon when making semantic or syntactic decisions but also might even compensate for declines in those with poor working memory. For more information on this article see: Working Memory-Aging Brain

Some people have a hard time with my fast-paced talking and desire to always learn new things. They get brain headaches when listening to me. I try and slow down my process for them the best I can, but there is always so much to be learned out in the world, and I want to share that knowledge. I don’t want my brain to atrophy as I age. I hope I am in the classification called the Cognitive Super Ager, but who knows? I haven’t taken the tests. I implore you to read up on this phenomena found on the web. It’s fascinating!

https://www.nia.nih.gov/health/brain-health/how-aging-brain-affects-thinking
https://www.nia.nih.gov/news/cognitive-super-agers-defy-typical-age-related-decline-brainpower

I hope you all take a moment to appreciate this information and pass it on to your loved ones and friends who might be struggling. I know I will continue to read and learn as long as I am able, and I hope when my eyesight (and possibly brain) starts to fail, someone will read to me about new and exciting adventures and discoveries!

I love you all and hope you are enjoying every moment with your friends and families!

Overcoming Frustration and Riding the Peace Train

Posted on February 20, 2025 by Drusilla Tieben (Dru)

Frustration: a deep chronic state of insecurity and dissatisfaction arising from unresolved problems or unfulfilled needs; the feeling of being upset or annoyed, especially because of inability to change or achieve something.

People like me are task masters and goal seekers. We always have lists, spreadsheets, lots of articles and books to read when we set out to learn something or try to solve a problem at hand. The frustration comes in when we cannot achieve a multitude of tasks that we give ourselves or have been given by someone else. We become frustrated because there are others involved in the equation and we are stymied into inaction. We can’t do anything about it because others are doing something completely different or nothing at all about it. We have to wait and see what’s next. We feel helpless because we don’t seem to be heard, or people aren’t doing the things we think they should do. We sometimes get angry at the person who we are trying to help or the person who is trying to help us.

In an article published in 2023 by Harvard Macy Institute at Harvard Medical School, the author talked about what to do if you have “…too much on your plate.” It stated that we begin to feel like victims and that “…we feel like there are so many things we have to do or are forced to do. The first step is to remember that you are the one driving. Anything on your schedule or to-do list is there by your choice, which means you get to choose whether to keep it on there in the long term, or whether to phase it off.”

The article stated that the first step is to assess just what you really need to do to get through the day or week. Second, it is important to see what is causing the overwhelming feelings. Assess what is the 20% that is causing 80% of the stress (the 80:20 rule). “If you can identify the main sources of the stress, then you can home in on ways to de-stress, minimize, complete, or step away from them. If it is not something you want to cancel, think about how you could delegate parts of it.”

The third step is to find ways to get through the next week, and the weeks after that. Maybe it’s just taking a day to get out of the house, thus out of your head. For more information go to their website:
https://harvardmacy.org/blog/too-much-on-my-plate

In my case, it was literally removing items from my work desk to focus on one task at a time. I moved the 20% stacks to the back desk so I could focus on finishing the book. Everything else could wait. And, the second thing was to stick to the morning cleanup, then writing until I went to work out. The first of my week was a bit of a clusterf*^$k, but the rest of the week went better. I refuse to let that feeling of helplessness overcome my thinking. My levels of stress will continue to be high, as the lists will always be there, whether written or just in my head, but I’m going back to the one thing at a time rule. I can only do the things I can do for now, and put off bigger life-changing decisions until later. I can’t let the anger of the world invade the space I need to solve daily problems.

There will always be some things that I can’t change right now, and I can’t quite let it go, but I can wait until I get some help on larger matters. I feel that we, as human beings, right now, on this planet need to take a collective breath, and turn off all the noise for now. We can only support each other and justify that our actions will bring about change in the world. Hope for the good things to come and try and ride the peace train for now. Love to all on this cold night.

Excerpt from PEACE TRAIN, Cat Stevens

Something good has begun
I’ve been smiling lately
Dreaming about the world as one
And I believe it could be
Something good’s bound to come…

I’ve been crying lately
Thinking about the world as it is
Why must we go on hating?
Why can’t we live in bliss?…

For out on the edge of darkness
There rides the peace train
Peace train take this country
Come take me home again….
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M9cJRqsKZKo

Interconnectedness

Posted on February 19, 2025 by Drusilla Tieben (Dru)

Today’s reflection is about how we are connected in the world and how we communicate through the airwaves. The dictionary describes connectedness as the state of being connected and having a close relationship with other things or people. I believe that each person is their own distinct, physical being, but they can be connected to each other and nature in many ways. Connectedness is not necessarily bound by physical touch or language. Sometimes we just know something is going on, for example in a dream, or a stray thought. Years ago, I knew when each parent died. They came in my dreams to say goodbye. There are many examples that we have where we just knew something, the feeling that something was wrong, or got something in the mail that we knew was coming, and we called to check on the people that we loved.

We feel the emotions amplifying in a crowd, especially fear and anger. Perhaps that’s why we are feeling despair and discontent over decisions that are being made in the highest offices. We feel what over fifty percent of people are collectively feeling. Our interconnectedness is physical, emotional, and cognitive. Our global shared consciousness reaches out into all of our mental spaces. We are not individual islands and must become part of a bigger world, the ocean of mental waves.

If we share this despair, perhaps we can determine at a higher level that we are not alone in our thoughts and reach out to each other in our mental states. We should be free to keep the memories of the past, but make new memories and friends who share a common goal – protecting democracy and the people of all nations and races. Billionaires should learn from their families’ histories and be better human beings. They should learn how to connect with all those who are in need. Fascism cannot reign and must not be ignored in our society. It happened once before, and we wholeheartedly fought it. We must fight the good fight right now and restore a fair and balanced world. We have buried our forefathers and now we are the elders. We must act like the good and kind ones, and make progress towards fixing what has been broken, one little act of kindness at a time.

In Alice Hoffman’s latest book, The Bookstore Keepers, she stated, “Some things [will] always be remembered because they [are] handed down, things like love and memories and stories.”

For the rest of our lives, let’s remember the love and the beautiful stories handed down to us by telling our children about our past, both good and bad things that happened and what we learned as a result of our actions or in-actions. Let’s ask them not to repeat the bad parts of history and strive to make the world a better, and more peaceful place to live out their lives.

I love you all and wish only the best each day. Hugs tonight for those who need it.

Pause and Breathe and Schedule Worry Time

Posted on February 18, 2025 by Drusilla Tieben (Dru)

Today seemed more stressful than others because I have a lot on my plate right now. So, of course I went searching on the web and found a bazillion articles on this subject. I found so many similarities of what to do but, this Calm website focused it a little for me. I don’t agree with everything, and decided to analyze what they were saying.
https://blog.calm.com/blog/what-to-do-when-you-feel-overwhelmed

Every self-help article has the classic how-to list regarding how to feel less overwhelmed. I feel I have embraced most of them and yet there are just those days. Here are a few of those listed from this website:

The first of the 12 on their list was to just pause and breathe. I tell this to people all the time and yet it is a hard step for me.

These articles always talk about talking to other people. I am good at that, but it doesn’t always solve the immediate problem. So I usually end up helping others solve their problem.

Meditation is another one that’s listed. I have a friend who runs a meditation class but my brain doesn’t shut off. It’s a practice, I know. So the main problem is how to schedule this time for the practice, right?

Journaling is always listed. I journal each day and try to let go of the day, but sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t. It just brings all the thoughts into more focus.

And of course every article tells you to get some sleep. Well, I can tell you I am like the woman on the show High Potential and sleep never happens easily. Neither of us know how to shut down our brains. I am so enamored of people who can actually sleep 8 hours a day. I have never been able to do that. And pills make me crazy the next day so I gave up on that!

There is always the Focus on What You Can Control. When did that ever work?

Get moving! I definitely know how to exercise and that has helped. And once the weather gears toward spring, I’ll be out in my garden. That is the best for me!

Break larger tasks into smaller steps. Trust me, I am the queen of spreadsheets and that still doesn’t help. You still have to do all of those things you have broken down so how does that help?

And finally, this was a laughable one: Schedule Worry Time. The article said, “Set aside a specific time to think about your worries. Outside of this time, try to keep your focus on the present.” Unfortunately, the worries are the focus in every present moment so I didn’t get that one. Who can do that?

So, I know baking, knitting, gardening, and walks in nature help me. I can bake, knit, and walk inside right now. I know we are in a time of chaos, and the status will eventually reach equilibrium. If we can be vigilant with our thoughts and actions we can get through the day without being overwhelmed. That’s what I am working on and hope the sun will come out soon. I love you all and feel the intensity of the world right now. Hang in there!

https://www.gettyimages.com/photos/cat-hanging-in-there

Old Person Day and Geeky Moments

Posted on February 17, 2025 by Drusilla Tieben (Dru)

Being in the present moment, and recognizing that some days are just me being an Old Person, made me laugh out loud and enjoy every minute of this day. Today I tried to continue my research on care giving, but found out it’s a holiday and every agency is closed. So, after all of my errands, eye doctor, trying to find eggs at a reasonable price (HA!) without success, unloading and loading the dishes, and laundry, I settled down (if you can count being buzzed on caffeine!) at my computer.

Today, I learned two things:
1. How to upload Instagram and follow someone. Big steps! I put my profile together but haven’t sent anything yet. I am following a couple of people but wanted to give a shout out to Aron to what he is accomplishing:
https://www.instagram.com/generationalopportunities/
He and a few others are creating something wonderful with kids and schools in Thornton, so check them out. I love it and am going to volunteer for them this summer (if they’ll have me)! We could all use their energy and talent in helping young people.

2. Creating a Logo for my blog and books using Fiverr. I look forward to learning more about this when I finish my next books and want them to help me create the covers. I added it to the blog website and I think it’s not too bad for a first try! The project I’ll be working on next will be a sort of checklist for people who want to create their own S.O.P.s (Standard Operating Procedures Manual). I loved creating these set of instructions for my old jobs, and am now working on helping people create their own life instruction manual. Didn’t we all want something like this when we were growing up? I know I did. Parents don’t know everything and I have read soooooo many different books on the subject. I think I can do a good job of expanding on my first book which was kind of a manual (Discover the Life You Want to Live).

Being able to look back on all my agonies and mistakes from the past makes me hopeful that I can pass on my wisdom to others, along with a lot of funny stories about my crazy life! When I look back I see that I actually accomplished something, I think it’s worth a try to help others. After all, we seniors have time, right? (Lots of smile emojis with tongues out should follow this statement.)

Embracing our past triumphs and failures should be number one on our list of life. The second should always be helping others however we can. People don’t always reach out to each other, but we can change that and ask, “How are you doing today?” Maybe that will start a conversation. Love to all tonight and keep learning!

My Mother and the Zombie Apocalypse – Revisited

Posted on February 16, 2025 by Drusilla Tieben (Dru)

I originally wrote this in 2013 when I first started blogging and thought it was relevant to today’s ills. With a few tweaks, here it is for your perusal:

I wonder what my mother would have thought about zombies taking over the world, or what some of us affectionately call “The Zombie Apocalypse.” Would she have picked up my father’s rifle when she saw them come onto the farm? Would she have aimed and blown them away? Or would she cower inside her house and simply die?

I’d like to think that she would revert back to her old self – that self-confident young woman who went out into the world like That Girl, (a sitcom starring Marlo Thomas) the person she was before settling down into domesticity – marrying my father when he came home from the War (WWII) and having children.

I’d like to think she would be one of those folks who could defend herself and others – and generally take care of business to survive.

The world would certainly be different for her (and for us) if we had another catastrophic event. We would have to relearn how to take care of ourselves and keep ourselves alive. We would have to bring back those skills that we knew from a very long time ago, before convenience food and staying in touch all the time came into play. We would have to survive, not watch Survivor.

We go through a series of ups and downs as we grow older. Some of us embrace change. Others just sit on the sidelines, get grumpy, complain a lot, and become more afraid. Yes, we are getting older, but are we getting wiser? Here is an excerpt from my book, Discover the Life You Want to Live, about this very subject:

Each of us grows older every day. It’s how we continue to use our time that makes us wiser. What makes a wise person? It is a person we can respect. It is a person who is a hopeless romantic and a reluctant leader. This person has learned capabilities as well as intuitiveness. It is a person who can learn about new things every day. It is a person who has achieved mastery in something. A wise person gives a little to someone each day to make her life better. This is what I am working on as I get older – to be a wise person who is a role model, and a person that people will respect.
We are all getting older, but are we getting wiser? Are we learning and contributing something to society each day through our actions? Ask yourself, “Why should people listen to me?” “What right do I have to give advice either to my peers or the younger generation?” If you believe you have achieved everything you asked of yourself, in the above questions, then you have earned the right to be called a wise woman and be respected.
Women’s studies describe three archetypes of women: maiden, mother, and crone. The wise women were known as Crones. A Crone is an idea that we can all embody to help the younger women (maidens). And, with modern medicine, we can become older mothers, which let us bridge the gap between all three. We can create a community that helps each other.

We do get older every day. That’s a fact of life. If we can believe in ourselves, do something good and stop with the “I cant’s,” we can make a plan for what’s to come. We can try to reduce the panic among our neighbors and ourselves if we just check on each other each day.

We can be happy with our lives when we finally leave this world if we can continue to do enough by helping those in need. Watching the news is a nightmare right now. If we can sit back for a peaceful moment each night and prepare for the next day, we’ll be okay. Check in with your neighbors and ignore the nonsense. Yes, things may get worse before it’s better, but we can take care of each other, if we choose this path.

It takes more time and energy to sit around and complain about everything. We have to take this energy and fix the very thing about which we are complaining. Become involved in the little things. And then, maybe we will survive in a Zombie-infested world because we have helped each other every day we live. Love to all on this planet tonight. WE WILL SURVIVE!

Play to Your Strengths – About Care Giving

Posted on February 15, 2025 by Drusilla Tieben (Dru)

It was recently pointed out to me that I was good at researching topics and steering people in the right direction to get something done. I am especially good when it comes to making hard life decisions about loved ones when they need help. I took an inventory of what I knew and what I needed to learn about when it came to aging and care giving (family members and myself). I would like to share some things I figured out by starting with what I am good at:

I am good at cleaning up messes;
I am good at organizing everything;
I am good at researching a topic;
I am good at making lists and spreadsheets;
I am good at creating instruction manuals (Manuals in all the departments I worked in and a Manual for Life. (See my book Discover the Life You Want to Live);
I am good at helping others make decisions in their best interests.

I am good at researching and giving advice, but not so good at my actual caring process, so I am working on that! So my next step is to create a manual for my spouse and kiddo which will be advice and care instructions for an aging parent. I will try and explain more in the next few days after I’ve fully researched the topic. If you have advice, please send it to me! Also, here is a cool website that I am using: https://www.agingcare.com/topics

Love to all tonight! Stay warm and safe!