Or: “The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few.” – Spock, The Wrath of Khan

“Leading stubborn [emphasis mine] groups requires shifting from authority-based leadership to empathetic, solution-focused, and servant-oriented techniques. Key roles include acting as a mediator to resolve conflicts, a “sense maker” who provides context, and an empathetic listener who addresses concerns privately to build trust.”

Key Leadership Roles for Stubborn Groups
The Mediator (Neutral Arbiter): Focuses on conflict resolution by listening to complaints, validating feelings, and focusing on root causes rather than personalities.
The “Sense Maker” (Context Provider): Helps the team understand the “why” behind decisions, connecting their work to a larger vision, which can reduce resistance.
The Servant Leader: Prioritizes the needs of the team, acts as an active listener, and provides support rather than just issuing commands.
The Role Model (Consistent Leader): Demonstrates stability, integrity, and a positive mindset, setting a standard for behavior.
The Facilitator (Empowering Agent): Encourages team members to propose their own solutions to problems, shifting them from a complaint-oriented mindset to a problem-solving one.
The Clear Communicator (Boundary Setter): Defines expectations and project goals clearly, establishing firm boundaries to manage difficult behaviors. 

Strategies for Success
Address Issues Privately: Avoid public confrontations, which can lead to increased resistance.
Use Active Listening: Validate concerns to make members feel heard before steering toward solutions.
Leverage One-on-One Meetings: Discuss behaviors and goals individually to build rapport and reduce public posturing.
Focus on Outcomes: Keep discussions centered on the goal rather than personal opinions. 
For further information, go to:
https://www.forbes.com/sites/chriswestfall/2019/10/04/deal-difficult-people-sanity-inducing-leadership-strategies/

As seniors, we reach out to groups for activities to avoid isolation. We want to bond and be part of something bigger than our individual selves. Sometimes, the groups we join are very cohesive and work well together. Sometimes it is chaotic and challenging. A leader of these groups has to be strong and brave, and wage the battle of taking charge of a herd of cats (or a teenager’s mentality in people in their 70s and above). Sometimes it’s hard as a leader because we want to apply our 1960s-era laissez-faire beliefs to leadership. We want everyone to participate, but if the group simply wants to complain, chaos ensues, and the good of the group is forfeited.

Thus, the group devolves to speaking to each other in rude and unconstructive ways. It’s hard not to take it personally. Believe me, I know. Every outburst from others who want to “contribute” an opinion hits the volunteer and the leaders’ hearts, so all parties get offended and upset.

The outbursts on both sides aren’t really constructive on either end of the exchange. My thoughts on people who continue with the outbursts in the group, or the leader who gets offended, are these:

Leaders: Keep your cool even if the group is unruly. Speak with individuals afterwards one-on-one.
Participants: If you aren’t happy, speak up, but be constructive instead of dismissing the work that has been done. Follow up with an action.  If you aren’t satisfied with someone else’s work on a task, STEP UP! Speak to the individual first and ask for permission to take on the task and improve it. “I can help with [insert task].” Be willing to step up rather than complain. And if you’re not willing to help, let it go. Nothing has changed. Someone else is doing the task, so be content with it.

We can all make group participation better, IF we PARTICIPATE equally. That is the way of volunteer groups. Be willing to step up! Don’t wait for the leader to tell you what to do. Take on a job for the group’s benefit. Be happy with what we are given in the moment. If it doesn’t work out for you, that’s okay, too. Move on and be content with what you got out of the activity. Nothing is lost except your participation. Enough said.