Tag Archives: patience

Expectations and Control

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I have been pondering of late why we are so stressed out that we can’t even think and do the simplest of tasks. I think the negative energy surrounding us is so strong that we feel like we are out of control of our everyday lives. We cope by wanting to place our burden onto someone else for a moment. We don’t want to resolve our own problems yet we get upset with others when we put it on them and it doesn’t turn out the way we think it should. Our cognitive dissonance kicks in. Our mind spirals out of control. We are thinking that we both love the person trying to help us, and hate them for coming up with a solution at the same time. It is hard to understand that we are thankful that they tried to help us, but hate them because it wasn’t the solution we were hoping or looking for to solve the problem, and, as a result, we get angry and disappointed.

Our expectations of everything getting better, when a lot of things are getting worse, make us on edge and we don’t know what to expect. And it doesn’t help that the media is keeping it out there. We start to hate the people and events that don’t fit into our world, and start agreeing with the most egregious acts. We want to believe that everything is wonderful for us and all that is out there is affecting everyone else, not us. Well, I’m here to tell you, bad things are happening to EVERYONE. It’s how we deal with our daily lives and expectations that makes us survive in an unpleasant situation. It’s how we deal with others and treat them that makes us human beings and members of a society that only we can make better.

So here is my thought for today. Things in your bubble can be better if you treat others the way you want to be treated. Things in your bubble will get better if you take a break from the doomsday news and greet someone with love and kindness each day. Things in your bubble will get better if you believe you are in control of your own bubble and expect greatness of yourself. Be brave!

Finally, here are a few things I want to pass on to you after this crazy week I had:

  • I know you’re busy, but take some time to read the instructions. Find out why something isn’t working to your satisfaction.
  • Don’t blame the person on the phone.
  • You are expected to be an adult and take responsibility for researching the problem. The person you have called to fix a problem can help you, but it is ultimately your responsibility to understand why the problem exists and how to fix it in the future.
  • Slow down and take a breath before speaking.
  • Follow along when someone is trying to tell you something.
  • Contrary to popular belief the world doesn’t revolve around you!
  • We can get through it together. We all have to work together to fix any problem. It will take time. And remember, there is only so much time in a workday. There is never enough workers, and there are lots of jobs to do in a day!

Finally, I know I am prone to this, but I believe that we cannot isolate ourselves in a cocoon while all this is going on. Sure, we can turn off the news, but the buzz will always be around us. So here’s a thought: Take one hour for yourself, and take one hour for someone else each day that you live on this plane of existence.
For yourself, take a walk with your dog, or just by yourself. Go out and weed (I know! I know! But it really is fulfilling!) In a few weeks, plant your garden. Go swim and sing in the lap lane! Put your headphones on and get on the treadmill! Watch the movie A Complete Unknown and be taken back in time.

For others, walk and talk with them and listen to what they have to say. Be there in person and on the phone and in the present moment to help someone solve a problem. Try not to get frustrated with them because they are frustrated. And, read a wonderful tale of love and triumph. Purchase and read How We Learn to Be Brave by Mariann Edgar Budde and “…be responsible for your rose [from Le Petit Prince]…[and] “…Be a person upon whom others [can] depend and relish the days when nothing important seems to be happening….”

I love you all and I trying to live in the present moment every day even when it is hard. I ask that you to do the same!

May the 4th be with you!!!

A Guide to Adulting: Building Patience and Managing Bills

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The week started out with a woman shouting into my ear on the telephone, causing me to pull the headset off. I was trying to figure out what she wanted. I process out loud, so I’m sure she just thought if she said it louder I could understand her. I eventually got her to stop shouting and figured out who she needed to talk to, but WOW! They heard her in the other room of my office! As I have stated so many times before on this blog as well as in real life, “People, just take a breath, and wait a few minutes!” Have a little respect for those on the other end of the conversation and give us a second to process what you need to know.

I ponder every day about what the underlying factor of our impatience and discontent with the universe is right now. I understand there are too many negative thoughts and actions that are occurring in our world out there, and there is not much we can do about all of them, all at once. But I also understand that anything worth doing takes patience and we can get there one task at a time if we just try.

According to Psychology Today:
“The word impatience is “im” + “patience,” which, on its face, means “a lack of patience.” Patience seems like a substantial thing—a specific mental process. By contrast, impatience is thought to be nothing but a lack of patience. But this gets things backwards: Impatience, it turns out, is a very particular mental and physical process that gets triggered under specific circumstances, and which motivates specific kinds of decisive action. “Patience” is really the shadow term, signifying a lack of impatience.”

It’s important to understand the “seven laws of impatience.” If we go through the steps before we ask someone else help us figure out our problem, we might get there without shouting the poor person on the receiving end.

  1. Impatience is not a lack of patience.
  2. Impatience is triggered when we have a goal, and realize it’s going to cost us more than we thought to reach it.
  3. Impatience motivates us to reduce the costs of reaching our goal, or to switch goals.
  4. Impatience and indignation are a potent combination.
  5. We’re more likely to feel impatient when we have more options.
  6. Impatience can cost us.
  7. Impatience can benefit us.

And as a final note, here are the questions that appeared in the article that we should attempt to answer before we cause grief in others who are trying to help us:

  1. “What is my goal?
  2. What did I think it was going to cost to reach this goal?
  3. What are the additional costs I’m now aware of?
  4. Am I blaming others for these extra costs?
  5. Is it truly their fault?
  6. Is it worth taking on even more costs just to teach them a lesson?
  7. Do I have too many options?
  8. Should I find a way to limit my exposure to new options?
  9. Are there ways to reduce the costs of reaching this goal?
  10. Is it time to abandon this goal?”

Put simply: “Knowledge is power.” The more often you work out a problem and get your own solution, before asking for help, the more tasks you will be able to complete by yourself. You are smarter than you think and mastering something makes you feel good inside as well as accomplished! For more information, go to this article:
7 Laws of Impatience

The second part of this blog is about understanding your spending and how to pay your bills on time every month. I know that websites are hard to navigate sometime, and government systems are old, cranky, clunky and in dire need of renovation, but it doesn’t seem that hard to navigate if you read the instructions a few times before giving up.

It is my hope that all parents teach their children how to do adulting before they move out of the nest. There should be a complete manual for change for adulthood that gets handed out to children before they move out of their parents’ home. For example, one item in the book should be this:
The more we procrastinate on paying our bills, the more they add up until we become overwhelmed. And we must realize that there are consequences to not paying a bill – such as not having, electricity, heat, and water. It’s that slap in the face that should give us a wake-up call to this reality. The current situation we are in at this time makes it extremely hard to make ends meet if we are not the wealthy few. But isn’t it better to slow the credit card purchases down, and sacrifice things such as QVC buying, movies, and Door Dash orders before giving up basic needs such as heat, food, and water?

One of the greatest inventions of all times is a spreadsheet. It’s so easy to put one together. Record you expenses in one column and your income in another column. Subtract what you spend from what you make each month. And don’t forget to add a little bit to your savings every paycheck and place that in your expense column. It will add up and you can then treat yourself to something fun at the end of the year! Watch your credit card spending and know your limits. It’s as simple as that. Find a tutor to help you the first time, or go to your bank and ask them for help. I love the folks at my credit union. They helped me when I first started making my own money. I never had a lot of money, but my Dad taught me a lot of things about money and how to stretch a dollar (Okay I know it’s more these days). Even with these volatile  times, we can persevere and take care of our daily living expenses. Don’t panic yet! We can all get through it if we find the patience.

I love you all on this crazy spring night. Snow is coming!