Tag Archives: personal-development

Sometimes You Have to Be Blunt

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When someone isn’t following along or take the time to listen, and believe they understand everything, then do the exact opposite, sometimes you have to take charge and be blunt with the person. It’s a sad day when adults don’t listen to a leader.

Leaders need to teach those involved in a task how to actively listen to what is being said at the time it is being said.

Everyone wants to be in charge but they don’t want to be involved. Everyone thinks they know what’s best for a group, and yet they do the things that make them happy at the expense of a group, and then get offended when you correct them.

Unfortunately, not all of us can be the center of the universe at the same time. Sometimes we have to complete an activity with the group. We have to give up our sense of self for the bigger purpose. Sometimes the outcome doesn’t go our way, but it is the right outcome for the group.

We have to stop talking and listen to what is being said during the instruction time. We have to acknowledge that the leader knows what she is doing and attempt to understand what we all need to do.

A leader who takes charge of a group should be respected and heard. If you disagree with the leader, you should ask for time to speak with them after the class or session, not continue to grumble during the entire session.

A leader shouldn’t give people permission to act out because they want something different. A leader should stick to her principles and believe in herself.

A single person who is disruptive in a group should be given a second chance, but when they won’t change and listen to what a leader has in mind, they should consider going to another group. We all have our place in the universe, and a good leader tries to find a place for everyone in a group, but if it isn’t a good fit, consider that it is time to move on. Don’t be angry about it, just think what is best for you as well as the group.

Each person needs to be stronger and get through hurt feelings because things didn’t go their way. They need to reflect on why something that was said triggered that emotion in them. The past has a way of getting to a person and they respond in a way that can be inappropriate. Respect is earned in any organization. Just because you’ve done something wonderful in the past doesn’t mean you are wonderful in that way today. Sometimes it’s okay to just sit and listen, no matter if you believe your skill-set is greater than others or the leader in the group. Contribute with the group. Don’t act out because you think you know better. The leader is trying to give you something, so try and listen.

Respecting authority is a hard thing for all of us. We grew up in traumatic and weird times, and want to be respected for who we are. Sometimes those in power aren’t good people, and that is the ups and downs of life. But sometimes there are wonderful leaders who come into our lives and we should respect that. Even if we think we know better, we can learn something new from another person every day.

We talk about transparency in government all the time, and yet we don’t understand it or respect those who are trying to be transparent in the private sector. We have been burned by so much misinformation that we currently don’t want to make an attempt to be civil to one another. Our examples of leadership put forth to us today make us upset, so we take it out on those who are trying to help us on a smaller scale.

A leader has to find the balance between full on authoritarian leadership and laissez-faire or permissiveness at all personal costs leadership. My understanding and relationship with leaders has been molded by my time in law enforcement and martial arts. I respect the command structure and try to follow who is leading at the time. I didn’t always agree with the way things were done in the past, but I hold onto the belief of doing something for the greater good. I hold onto the fact that some leaders are great, and some are terrible and should not lead. I learned from the best and tried not to grumble to much with others about the terrible ones.

I also know what I am good at so I take on tasks that others don’t know how to do or don’t want to do. I embrace that task and take responsibility for it. I try not to take on too many jobs at one time. I take one task to heart and do my very best, then move on when I’ve mastered that task.

The best way to help a leader is to help yourself. Choose a task that you are good at, not criticizing the leader for what they didn’t do. If a leader asks you to do something, and you are good at it, do it wholeheartedly, and embrace the challenge. If you are not good at that task, let the leader know and do something else to better the group. Imagine if each one of us took on a task that had a meaningful result. Imagine what we could do as a team if we are all on the same page!

So, embrace your skillset, and move forward. No more grandstanding. No more discord. Get together and be happy with what you are doing at the time. Make a joyful noise and be in harmony with all others and the universe at large. Thanks for listening and I look forward to embarking on the adventure with you!

I love you all and send good vibes out to you tonight.

Blame Game – Continued

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“If you give a man an answer, all he gains is a little fact. But give him a question and he’ll look for his own answers.”—Patrick Rothfuss

“You are responsible for your life. You can’t keep blaming somebody else for your dysfunction. Life is really about moving on.”—Oprah Winfrey

“All blame is a waste of time. No matter how much fault you find with another, and regardless of how much you blame him, it will not change you. The only thing blame does is to keep the focus off you when you are looking for external reasons to explain your unhappiness or frustration. You may succeed in making another feel guilty about something by blaming him, but you won’t succeed in changing whatever it is about you that is making you unhappy.”—Wayne Dyer

“Some people love being victims because they love being able to blame someone else. Accountability [emphasis mine] is too much for them. They don’t like being responsible [emphasis mine] for who they have become or where they are in life.”—Anonymous

So I had to stop and take a breath last night but I’m back. Sometimes I just overwhelm myself with my dreadful thoughts. This will be my 135th post today.

But you all know I’m not wrong. I want to continue down this pathway for a little longer and promise to say something nicer tomorrow.

Author Finn Robinson states that some people have had past encounters where failure led to punishment of some kind, therefore they are ruled by fear. Thus, they feel that they are justified in thinking that others should be punished for their actions. He also stated that these same people aren’t good with taking criticism, even if it is perceived criticism. They have a hard time learning from their past mistakes and feel it is just someone else’s fault. They live in denial, or in the case of seniors, in their version of the past. Unfortunately, the past isn’t always a better time. It’s better to learn from our mistakes and move on to a new way of doing things. For further information see his article:
People who blame everyone else instead of taking responsibility for things share 12 common traits

Arash Emamzadeh authored an interesting article in Psychology Today. He stated that “…blaming others is a defense mechanism [or] an unconscious process that protects the finger-pointer and blame-shifter from experiencing unpleasant feelings, such as guilt or shame.” He further stated that “Blaming is usually considered part of the defense mechanism called projection, which involves denying one’s own anxiety-provoking or negative characteristics and seeing them instead in others.” Finally, he asked: “Are certain individuals more likely to shift blame onto others? Yes, according to a recent series of investigations by Kaufmann and colleagues: Blamers tend to have difficulties with emotion regulation. For further information go to:
Why Some People Will Always Blame Others | Psychology Today

Accountability and responsibility. Author Lachlan Brown takes a step regarding how you can reclaim your life and be who you need to be. You don’t need to blame others if you step up and admit you are accountable for your own behavior. He lists 11 tips to accomplish this. Here are a few:  

  • Stop blaming other people. The most important step to taking responsibility for your life is to stop blaming others.
  • Stop making excuses.
  • Ask yourself how other people impact you if you think you are a victim.
  • Love yourself.
  • Stop complaining – this takes more energy than just accomplishing what you need to do.

The rest of his tips can be found at: https://hackspirit.com/taking-responsibility/

So, sometimes we get it that you may feel isolated and lonely, and want to have human interaction. However, there are so many places that you can visit to talk to others and resolve what is going on with you. Volunteer to help others so you understand there are bigger issues in the world. And maybe take a breath and count to five the next time you call wanting heads to roll at a government office for something that you could have easily fixed yourself. Enough said….

Love and hugs to those in need tonight! Enjoy the flowers popping up. Enjoy the weather before the storm in your lovely little part of Colorado.

The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz-Part II

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This is an extension of Tuesday’s blog with a more in-depth analysis. Ruiz believes we have been taught since childhood to “…fit into society’s mold,” which made us forget who our “true selves” are. If we can adopt the Four Agreements as part of our lifestyle, we might break through these limitations. Why wouldn’t we want to live a life of freedom, happiness, and love?

The first agreement, Be Impeccable with Your Word, is a powerful understatement. Our words are a power that create influence on everything. Words are not just sounds or symbols. Nuances carry energy and intention. They can heal, harm, uplift, or degrade. Every time we speak we can go in a direction of positive or negative. Inflection is key, and your intentions manifest through your outspoken thoughts. Negative and hateful speeches can bring doom and gloom to any conversation and create a world which we don’t want to live. Remember your history. This happened many years ago in Germany. A horrible leader used his words to manipulate a whole country, mostly intelligent people, into committing the most atrocious acts and enter them into a World War. Humans destroyed each other because he activated their fear. They became afraid of each other. Ruiz stated that “Whenever we hear an opinion and believe it, we make an agreement, and it becomes part of our belief system.” Being impeccable with our word can transform us, create a better belief system, and foster loving and healthier relationships.

The second agreement, Don’t Take Anything Personally, delves into the idea that people’s actions and words are reflections of their own beliefs and emotional states, not necessarily about us. When people react negatively to what is said to them, and they don’t believe the information is the truth, it is due to the fact that they are actually struggling internally to some message they know isn’t true. They stand by a belief or misinformation. They believe they are in the right. The vulnerability of this emotional turmoil makes us hurt, angry, or defensive, and we lash out. If we can take a step back and not be swayed by either praise or criticism, we become more emotionally stable. If we can have honest conversations and agree to disagree, we can make progress. In the movie, Dr. Strange, he is confronted by the Ancient One on a roof top in New York. Dr. Strange had a terrible car accident which crippled his hands (he was a neurosurgeon). In the conversation the Ancient One reminds Strange of his fear of failure. Strange thinks it’s what made him a great doctor. The Ancient One told him that fear was what actually kept him from true greatness. She tells him that was why he never found true happiness. Her last words to him were: “It’s not about you.” So let’s look outside ourselves, our fears and move beyond “taking it personally,” we might learn something new about the rest of the world. Ruiz states: “If you live without fear, if you love, there is no place for any of those emotions.”

Two favorite quotes of the day. Something to think about:
“Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.”― Maya Angelou; and
“When someone tells you that a term or phrase is more accurate/less hurtful than the one you’re using, you now know better. So why not do better? How does it hurt you to NOT hurt another person?”—Ron Howard

Part III tomorrow on the third and fourth agreement. I love you all and hope you take a moment to reflect what’s holding you back to embrace love in the universe and yourselves.

The Four Agreements – By Don Miguel Ruiz

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I re-visited this book today. The author, Don Miguel Ruiz, was born in rural Mexico, the youngest of 13 children. He attended medical school, and became a surgeon. The Four Agreements, published in 1997, was a New York Times bestseller for more than a decade.

In this time of outrageous people (and news) who rant on the TV and computer I recommend you read this if you haven’t already. It presents a code for personal freedom based on ancient Toltec wisdom. The four agreements are:

1.         Be Impeccable with Your Word.
Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean in the kindest of ways, and use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love. Words are powerful tools and we know that they can create or destroy, uplift, or bring down. Being impeccable with your word means not using words against yourself or others. Gossip, lies, and negative self-talk are examples of being non-impeccable. By being careful and truthful in our speech, we can avoid causing harm and instead spread positivity.

2.         Don’t Take Anything Personally.
What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering. People’s reactions and behaviors are often based on their own beliefs, experiences, and wounds. By not taking things personally, we protect ourselves from unnecessary hurt. For instance, if someone insults you, it’s more about their own issues than about you. Recognizing this helps in maintaining emotional equilibrium and not getting entangled in other people’s dramas.

3.         Don’t Make Assumptions.
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama. Making assumptions can lead to misunderstandings and unnecessary conflicts. Don’t assume people are ignoring you if they don’t return calls or get back to you. Talk to them when you see them again. Seek clarity and not making assumptions, we can navigate our relationships and situations more effectively.

4.         Always Do Your Best.
Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret. By always doing our best, we live without regrets. It’s important to understand that “our best” can vary. Some days we might be full of energy and enthusiasm, while on others we might be tired or unwell. The key is to give the best of what we have in the present moment, without being overly critical of ourselves.
https://booksthatslay.com/the-4-agreements-summary/

I have seen these written as a poster many times and recommend you buy or download it and put it on your refrigerator!

More on this topic tomorrow night. Love to all on this cold night! Take care of each other!

It’s Not My Time

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  • “It’s not my time, I’m not going. There’s a fear in me. It’s not showing. This could be the end of me, and everything I know. Oh, I won’t go.”—Three Doors Down
  • “We must use time as a tool, not as a crutch.”—John F. Kennedy
  • “Time is free, but it’s priceless.”—Harvey MacKay
  • “Time will not slow down when something unpleasant lies ahead.”—Harry Potter 
  • “A man who dares to waste one hour of life has not discovered the value of life.”—Charles Darwin
  • “Yesterday’s the past, tomorrow’s the future, but today is a gift. That’s why it’s called the present.”—Bil Keane
  • “It’s not the time in your life; it’s the life in your time.”—Bruce Springsteen. 
  • “Time waits for no one.”—Geoffrey Chaucer from The Canterbury Tales
  • “The time for action is now. It’s never too late to do something.”—Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

It’s not my time is a concept that we all struggle with throughout our lifetime, and yet there is no one clear cut answer to the question of when will my time actually materialize. We may think it will never come, or we may just avoid the question completely, especially when it comes to our end of life and we feel we haven’t finished everything we wanted to accomplish.

But what is time in the grand scheme of things? It can often refer to a mindset where someone believes a particular opportunity, situation, or life event is not happening for them yet. It suggests that a sense of waiting for the right moment, often tied to feelings of patience, destiny, or a belief that things will align when the time is right. If we settle for what is available right now, and it is not perfect, we may regret it. It may limit our possibilities. But a willingness to wait for something better creates inaction, leading to apathy in the present. Neither is a solution to resolve a current problem.

Sometimes, it’s not my time can be a way to avoid taking risks or making decisions due to fear of potential negative outcomes, creating a self-protective mechanism. We become afraid to think outside the box and just go with the flow with the rest of the world. We don’t want to stick out in the crowd because of fearful consequences. It’s crucial to assess whether it’s not my time is a helpful coping mechanism or a way to avoid taking necessary action. If we stay passive and let life pass us by, or take no action because of fear, we become victims, and that is not a good place to be. We are stronger than that as human beings. We know deep in our hearts we can make the time to teach others how to overcome fear and advocate for action. We know how to create that resilience in others to stand up to all of the injustices in the world.

Some individuals may strongly believe in a predetermined path in life, where certain events are meant to happen at specific times, leading to a sense of resignation or passive acceptance. I’m not ready to give up. I never believed in a predetermined life path and I’m certainly not going to give up and accept things that are just not right in the world, especially right now. I will keep shining a light (or paragraphs) on issues that must be addressed to help us heal and not be so angry all the time.

No matter how much we wish to stop time when hardship is on the horizon, we can’t go against it. The biggest favor we can do ourselves is to accept the passage of time, both when good and bad things happen. But the sooner we face our (and the world’s) troubles, the sooner they’ll be over. Every individual can make a difference.

So, yes, it’s not my time to give up. It’s my time to shine. It’s your time to do the same thing. I love you all and warm thoughts go out to you tonight!

How to Change Apathy and Care for the World

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Apathy is behavior that shows no interest or energy, and shows that someone is unwilling to take action, especially over something important (Cambridge Dictionary).

There is so much happening in the world right now that we have to contend with, and fears of the future outcomes seem to paralyze us in our actions. I am asking each of you out there to reach out and pull someone out of the rabbit hole. Listen for a few minutes to them and help raise their energy levels to new highs. Take a walk with them and discuss things that make each of you happy from day to day. If something they say triggers something in you and makes you angry or believe that all is lost, literally, skip through that thought. Skip this new given path with them and internalize that it’s not them, it’s something from your past. Forgive what can be forgiven and your past hurts will at least float away in that moment. Stretch mentally and physically and stay in that moment with them. Know that thoughts may still surface about something that bothers you but try to let it go when you are with another person. We can survive all the world’s ills if we just reach out to one person each day and make a connection. Smile and laugh with them. Get them to tell you funny stories about their lives. Tell them some fun facts that you just learned!

Apathy has been described as an absence of feeling or emotion. This indifference can affect your motivation and leave you feeling detached from the world. We can’t stop caring about everyday tasks, hobbies, and personal interests. We can’t detach from our loved ones and slide down the rabbit hole. I am asking you to take heart and reach out to others. We can all get some help when we are faced with depressing thoughts. And make an effort to forgive those past hurts and encourage your new buddy to do the same.
https://parade.com/living/forgiveness-phrases-to-use-according-to-a-therapist

We are interdependent of each other in this great big world, and we have to reach across all barriers to create change. While I don’t agree with everything he says, Dr. Michael Laitman, PhD in Philosophy, and a MSc in Medical Bio-Cybernetics, had some insightful thoughts on his website. He stated: “Humanity lives in a single integral system where everybody is globally interdependent. Being interdependent means that every person’s slightest action influences the entire network of humanity and nature. Therefore, caring for the world means caring for myself, since I affect everyone, and everyone affects me….the more our egoistic desires (self-interest at the expense of others) grow, the more imbalance and harm we afflict upon the system….That’s why we need to care for the world.” The integral system can be applied personally, locally, and worldwide. For more information on this interesting and wise person, go to his website:
https://www.michaellaitman.com/about/

And if we have such a beautiful place to be (Colorado), get outside as often as possible. Sometimes it’s really cold, but a few minutes outside will enliven us. “Personal contact with nature, especially at an early age, can strengthen an individual’s emotional affinity to it, facilitating their motivation to adopt pro-nature behaviors,” says ecologist Masashi Soga, the study’s lead author and an associate professor at the University of Tokyo. We learn to care about nature and saving the planet as we walk the path every day. For more information on this subject see:
https://therevelator.org/people-care-planet/

Every day I strive for harmony and ways to calm my overactive brain. This year, I am sending out love to everyone as well as letters to senators and representatives when I have a concern. Handwritten or typed letters get through to these folks, (NOT emails). And if you have questions on what’s happening, you should be able to voice them, not with hate and despair, but with well thought-out and logical questions and concerns. Your voices will create change. You just have to make some noise in a positive and logical way, not in a hatemongering way.

I leave you tonight with two thoughts:
“Likewise, if we successfully organize ourselves to positively connect above our divisive egos, we will experience new elated sensations of harmony and perfection due to our balance with nature.”—Dr. Michael Laitman

And, I want to repeat a quote I had on yesterday’s blog:
“There will always be men who think and dream and sing and carry on all the race has ever loved. The future belongs to them.”—Poul Anderson

We will get through all that is to come in 2025 one day and one person at a time. Our human beingness demands it.

Dismantling Fear: A Path to Personal Empowerment

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Dissatisfiers: Fear, Anger, and Prejudice. These are three underlying emotions that will control our lives, cause closed-mindedness, and inhibit growth. How can we recognize our hidden potential if we let these emotions control us? We can get back on the designated path if we acknowledge that these emotions are taking us in the direction we do not want to go. The last few posts have focused on anger and prejudice, but today I want to talk about fear.

The media will always give the worst-case scenarios. They need you to watch their feeds, so each station tries for more drama and gore. Exposure to negative news can lead to feelings of helplessness, depression, and aggression. The sensationalize or oversimplify stories that create fear. They oversimplify stories without providing enough context. It paralyzes us into taking no action. Consuming too much news, especially on television and social media, can increase emotional distress. This is sometimes called “doomscrolling”. It can make us panic and lose our ability to reason.

If we can re-focus and become more adventurous, we can increase our coping skills. We face each new situation with more knowledge and become fearless. We learn to make better decisions that are good for survival. By learning to make these personal decisions every time we venture out, we learn to be less apathetic because we are not afraid to get involved. In his book The Search, author, and wilderness expert Tom Brown, stated that “If I can face fear, real or imagined, it will disappear…. Fear can be overcome and panic abated by trust in oneself and one’s knowledge.”

By choosing to be fearless, we gain courage in our decisions and actions. We stand up to evil people with loving hearts. The late great Martin Luther King, Jr. believed in his cause, and was not deterred by accusations, threats, or warnings. Fear did not dominate him. He looked at a dangerous threat and continued to be an active participant of change because he wanted to help all people who were being oppressed. We cannot change everything, and terrible things are always going to happen to people who do not deserve it, but we can try helping one person every day. Alice Hoffman put it very succinctly in her book Faithful. “Who made it your job to feel guilty for every bad thing that happens?” We cannot stop every painful act to us or to another, but we can attempt to do the right thing every day we live.

We can all overcome fears about change by understanding the past, integrating old but good memories, and creating a better world for the future. We cannot fix Everything, Everywhere, All at Once (Title of excellent movie, by the way), but we can dwell on what we can do today. So, instead of watching the news, turn it off on all devices, and go for a walk in the neighborhood. Observe your surroundings. What can you change right now?

For more information on this subject, see my book Discover the Life You Want to Live (still on Amazon for purchase). I promise it will make you think and take you to a place that is better than where you are right now.