Or: The Fortress of Solitude
“The secret of a good old age is simply an honorable pact with solitude.” —Gabriel García Márquez
“The voices may propel you to warble along, or to dance, they may inspire you to seduction or insurrection or introspection or merely to watching a little less television…”—Jonathan Lethem,The Fortress of Solitude

I was thinking about what a person does with the rest of their days when they retire and/or a loved one passes. Growing up in the 60s and 70s brings back “youthful, isolated memories” [Jonathan Lethem] in my search for people I can connect with today. In my younger days, I had a plethora of cousins and school pals to “hang out” with. As I moved on to college, I made friends in class, at work, and at bars we frequented. When I went off to work in the “real world,” I found family in law enforcement. We were a band of brothers and sisters fighting the good fight. We were a tight-knit group who took care of each other. When I took my adventure out west, I met some amazing people along the way. We bonded and kept in touch for a while. I had work colleagues, law enforcement family, hikers, and martial arts buddies, yet another family. And then the kiddo came along, and I had 18 years of non-stop on the go, doing everything surrounding raising that boy of mine. Friends were a different crowd, and it all centered on doing my best to make his world safe, fun, and productive.

And then kiddo grew up, moved off to college, and he needed less help from us. So, I decided to “retire” and create my world at home, with a million tasks, hobbies, writing, and all the things I wanted to do on my own. I had to seek out new contacts or be content with my headspace alone. Some days I am fine. Other days, I isolate myself, and my mind is filled with “what ifs.”

Isolation makes us motionless to reach out to others. There is a difference between isolation and Solitude. We can choose both, but we need to decide what is best for us and how to balance that alone time. Sometimes we need a quiet space for our minds to reflect and create, so we choose to isolate ourselves and create moments of solitude.
“​​Our language has wisely sensed these two sides of man’s [a person’s] being alone. It has created the word ‘loneliness’ to express the pain of being alone.  And it has created the word “solitude” to express the glory of being alone.” Paul Tillich

But sometimes we need to reach out and join with others to get moving in our bodies so our minds can rest and recover from thoughts we dwell upon. And, if the physical body cooperates, I have an action plan. There are certain limits to my activities outside the home. Driving with limited vision has put a damper in late night adventures. So, I seek out daytime workouts, friendships, and get-togethers. And volunteer groups can be tricky. All of us have been in charge of something or someone our entire lives. We have to be willing to let go of that and participate as a NOOB when we start something new. We bring our skill set and volunteer it to others. We have to be content with the fact that not everyone is like us and try to blend into the atmosphere. We have to learn (yes, me too!) to be happy with chaos if you are prepared to join a group and aren’t the leader. And we have to understand that not everyone organizes like us as individuals (yes, me too!). That seems to be the most difficult task to belong to something bigger than you.

 Organize your life and let it go (this is very, very hard) if you can. Be happy in the moment and participate in life’s mysteries. You grew up with wonder, so try to maintain that as you age. For further information on embracing solitude and aloneness, see:
https://www.success.com/quotes-about-solitude-and-being-alone\
and:
https://www.success.com/magazine

Also,  I encourage you to read Jonathan Lethem’s book The Fortress of Solitude. I highly recommend the read. His connection to the world is very interesting, and I can understand his process!