It’s almost fall and I am in a reflective mood. The other night I mentioned to a friend that I made a list of what I was happy and sad about. I said it was an exercise to see where my brain and emotions were at the moment. His reaction was a little odd. First he said that I should never be sad, and not to think about sad things. When I explained it was an exercise in reflection on my current state of mind, he said that I worried too much. Huh?

I think we all have to take inventory ever so often. After all, some people use prayer to put it out there. Writing makes sense to me to put it all in perspective.

I am:

 -Happy that everything is going as well as expected and that my son is growing up; sad that my son is growing up with all his moods and figuring out the world, and him thinking that Mom doesn’t always know best.

-Happy that men are more sensitive; sad that society has labelled the stronger step-it-up masculine qualities as a bad thing.

-Happy that I am starting to figure out my life and the world around me; sad that I am aging with all of its aches and pains.

-Happy that I can let some things go; sad that I still remember everything bad that happened to me.

-Happy that I am safe and loved; sad that I still have anxiety and worry about the future no matter how much I prepare for it.

-Happy that I have a house and savings; sad that I worry it might not be enough.

-Happy that I had a great career and life in my past; sad that I feel I haven’t done enough and am not doing enough right now.

-Happy that I have no regrets; sad that I do have regrets.

-Happy that events in the world are making change and righting wrongs; sad that not all things are right in the world.

-Happy that I have a place in the Universe; sad that I keeping striving for a higher place in the Universe.

-Happy that I can still do all the things I can do; sad that I am impatient with those who cannot do the things I do.

-Happy that I have given all I can give to my family; sad that I feel it’s not enough.

-Happy that my son is growing up; sad that my expectations are too high.

-Happy that I know a lot of things; sad that I don’t have that quick wit.

-Happy that I can wax philosophic; sad that I still get mad at pushy people.

-Happy that I have better vision than I have ever had in my life; sad that I don’t see all things.

-Happy that I have more time to do the things I want to do; sad that I don’t always do them.

-Happy that I am a great cook; sad that I eat too much.

-Happy that I am more open-minded than anyone I grew up with; sad that I am not as accepting as I’d like to be.

-Happy that I don’t ever forget anything; sad that I don’t ever forget.

Living life seems to always be about the choices we have made in the past and the choices we are currently making. The harsh reality is it is also about the money which is again another choice. We have to choose to live well but within our means. When we think we are saving enough we need to save more. Even if we have the zombie apocalypse, we still need something of value to get to the places where we think it will be safe. (Maybe buy a big truck and supply it like those super survivors? Or, maybe not.) All we can do is live in the moment and save a little more for whatever the future holds. The best advice I can give me is:

 Expect nothing; learn to love and live in the moment; enjoy what is given; and forgive and forget….