OPINIONS ABOUT MEN AND RELATIONSHIPS

Note:  This piece was originally written when I was 23 years old.  It was originally entitled “Girl Talk.”  I have since modified it somewhat due to my past 35 years of additional living experience. Thank you Hillary Clinton!

Do you ever wonder why some women are so vain that they buy expensive clothes, put on lots of make-up (to cover their perceived imperfections?), and pamper their bodies so much?  I know why – the men of course!  It’s hard to live without them, yes?  I spent most of my life trying to find the perfect man only to realize I was looking for the perfect me.  I was trying to find a man who could put up with my habits, good, bad, indifferent. So, I got braces, contacts, gained and lost weight – all at the expense of those wonderful yuppie health clubs, especially, during the 1980’s – and permed and colored my hair.  Each year it would get more and more expensive, all so I could look like Farrah Fawcett, or whoever was the current beautiful woman of the time.

The torture we put up with these days to be a perfect woman, our image of a perfect woman, that is, just to define ourselves, or to get the right man!  We spend most of our waking hours trying to be the perfect image for the perfect man.  I should own a health club by now!  I think the whole point of this exercise is to prove to myself that I could be the woman that he wanted, or so I thought; when I was really becoming more of a fake, a facade of a personality.  Did he love me for what I was, or what I would become, or did he love an advertisement that I was trying to be for him?  (But, of course I didn’t learn all this until much later.)

So, I thought about it. I told myself: Stop looking, and believe in yourself, as a whole person, just as you are, and the right person will come along.  Then, I stopped looking, and the universe gave me my answer.  I received the strength to be who I am today, and then I found the person who could help me become me.  He knows me better than I would like him to know.

I used to think everything I did was for the men in my life.  I am sure that was because I am a product of the 1950’s woman-thought. It was a partly the era, and how I grew up, because I thought I must be perfect in order to keep a relationship secure and sustaining.  I’ve seen many things on the TV that constantly remind me that men are vulnerable to other women, and that if women don’t use the right hair conditioner, they will lose their men.  Are we to believe that all our men are so morally corrupt they will go off with any woman out there, just to prove they still have it?

I now believe these men are still the minority, and their behaviors are what makes the news and what makes excellent evening sitcoms.  I would like to think that there are still some men out there who can maintain loyalty and faithfulness.  Yes, they can be tempted, but most do not react on those temptations, or at least that is my current view.  It is an assessment that I hope most men will concur.

The truth is, there really is no one perfect male, just as there is no one perfect female, and you will find just the right one for you, not so perfect, but the one that meets your needs.

Life is really a series of molehills to climb, and every fifth one you come to is a mountain – a real Colorado hill!  You have so many directions to climb it, and, after you pick the direction, you wonder if you picked the right one.  My life has been a series of molehills and mountains, and taking two steps forward and one step back in each stride.  It is a perpetual conga.

I feel that a lot of those forever questions have to do with my own learning process this lifetime – with the ever ensuing question of what I’m supposed to accomplish. I won the game so far, I think.  I once thought I was supposed to be a great musician, so I studied hard.  Then, one day I woke up and decided that this wasn’t my destiny this time.

I don’t know if we’ll ever be sure of exactly where we should be going.  I just know we will continue to go until we die.  Perhaps that’s what it’s all about after all, the going.  What do you think?

With all the election hoopla over, I’m glad to see everyone calming down and getting back to our normal selves, whatever that may mean to you. I had the most pleasant water aerobics class yesterday in a very long time. Peaceful – friendly – even! I told everyone I’m working on possibility the rest of the year.

Here’s a thought from my early days. It was a commentary on the current retro image and what the 60’s was really like for us Boomers:

THERE ARE NO MORE BOHEMIAN POETS

Definition:  Bohemian—Unorthodox, Gypsy, Nonconformist, Avant-Garde, Unconventional, Eccentric, Unusual

Goodbye Richard Brautigan.  Goodbye old life.  The hippies are just about all gone, with a possible exception of those in that city in the west known as The People’s Republic of Boulder.  Yet, the husbands or wives of these aging hippies make a lot of money, so they live in an unreal environment.  They think they are in touch with the world, yet hide behind large homes and money.  They think they are so in touch with the little people, or those worker bees.  These little people work as maids and cooks in their $1,000,000.00+ homes.  There is no joie de vivre left.  Everyone is all too busy making money, preparing trust funds, and sending their children to the best schools – those that have no non-white children in them – people of color have their own place in the world.

These same people say poverty doesn’t exist here. In reality, they have simply priced the lower incomes out of the community. Thousands of people commute into this well known town every day to work in the restaurants, McDonald’s, and those types of jobs.  That reality hits home when there is a massive snowstorm, and no one gets to work.  Look, all the restaurants and businesses are closed!  Imagine that!

Each of us that remember a spark of that life, or our perceptions of that life, and tries to continue to help humanity in small ways each day, has some disdain for those who sold their souls in the 1980’s.  Although we all know that we have to make a living in the world, we try to decide each day what is ethical and just.  Some people just make money and that is sad.  Yet, they continue to think they are doing some good by hiring the little people into their domestic chores.  There is an ethical issue here.  Perhaps these people would be on the street if there weren’t any menial jobs for them.  Yet, although there should be respect for any job category, people shouldn’t be held down.  They should reach their potential in any career they choose.

And what about those idealists, those Bohemians?  Are there any left that haven’t succumbed to the machine? Where are the great adventure writers of our time – the Jules Vernes, the Robert Heinleins, or the Asimovs of today?  Where is the imagination? Can we really say we were true Bohemians in the 1960’s?  Oh sure, many fled to San Francisco, and to the great western outdoors.  But, somehow, when we woke up, the 80’s reality hit us.  As we grew older, we found nothing to show for ourr bohemian lifestyle.  The money bug and comfort hit us  We went out and became the me generation.  Money, money, money was the name of the game.

There seems to be an insurgence of nostalgia about the times in 1999.  The children of this era are looking back and trying to figure out what was good and what was bad.  They want to know what they lost during those times.  They want to know if they grew up and did the right thing today.  The children of these children are simply trying to understand their parents and older siblings.

Some of us are trying to become parents in our 40’s and we start to think what really works for the best of the child and the community.  We know that we want our child to experience what is out there yet don’t want them to take drugs or be hurt.  We know that you can get a high out of life without artificial means, and we hope that we can portray this message to the future children.  We know we have learned more and more as we grow older, both inside and out of the classroom.  We know that we can allow these experiences to occur with our future children.  We can only hope they will grow up and see the world through those wonderful rose-colored glasses, yet be realistic in how to go out and make their own way without harming others.  Bohemian souls in an information age world?  Yeah, it could work.

Welcome everyone.