Author Archives: Drusilla Tieben (Dru)

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About Drusilla Tieben (Dru)

I am a former police officer, crime analyst, profiler and trainer. I hold a black belt in Aikido. In the past, I've had to make immediate decisions for people in life-threatening situations. I applied the law, martial arts principles, and life lessons, in a logical and ethical manner, and helped victims gain a sense of organization and control over their lives. I wrote a book entitled Discover the Life You Want to Live which is based on my career and writing experiences. I started this blog to help people solve their own problems and to give recognition to all the entrepreneurs out there who have a community and global view and aren't instant millionaires.

Angry and Out of Control

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Or: The only perfect people are in the cemetery.
“The graveyards are full of indispensable [people].”—Charles de Gaulle

The other day, I talked to my friend who had a visit from her grandson’s wife and great-granddaughter. The young one was so out of control, talking back to her mother that my friend became upset. The kiddo kept saying she didn’t have to apologize or do anything they told her to do. She’s 9 and already at that teenager angst! My friend was very upset and got angry with her. She caught up with her, grabbed her up and told her under no circumstances was that behavior allowed because this was her house. My friend sent her out of the room and she slunk back in later, never really apologizing to her mother. It was sad to hear that. My questions about this ridiculous behavior are: “Were we all like that at that age or were we older when teenage angst overtook us?” And “Why aren’t we teaching these kids to be humble when they are in the wrong?” And one more: “Is it a discipline issue or is it a sign of the times?

Children go through all kinds of crazy emotions and love you and hate you at the same time. It’s up to you as a parent and grandparent to weather all the storms, and try to make the winds of change flow over you instead of right at you. If we get angry with our children we’ve proved their point. So the hardest thing to master as a parent, grandparent, or great-grandparent is this: Don’t get angry, just let them fume in another room. Then, re-visit them when they’ve thought about it. They will be pre-teens and teenagers – that is a human’s life cycle.

Adulting is hard work but you have to teach your children how to get there and accept responsibility for themselves, the good and the bad. Don’t enable them by letting them blame you for all their woes. Parents aren’t perfect, but they try to do the best they can with the knowledge that have been given or have learned themselves. If we have taught our children well, they will pass on that knowledge to their children. It’s hard, but we have to realize that when children find that they can punch your buttons and you give them ammunition, you allow them to place the burden on you as the parent. You have to be brave and let them make mistakes, hopefully, not life-threatening, by telling them what’s inappropriate. It is up to the child to learn over and over again how to make their life better and not blame their parents and grandparents. Give them the foundation, but let them go when they need to be on their own. Be there when they need you the most. But also, don’t expect a child to change if they haven’t had the background of loving parents who don’t teach them how to deal with the frustrations of life. You learn from each other, but you hope they learn to be a better person than you are. That is the goal of parenting.

In his book, All the Wild That Remains, David Gessner stated that personalities develop through a dose of nurture and a dash of nature. Gessner wrote of the life of Edward Abbey and Wallace Stegner. They had hard childhoods, but persevered and became better human beings as a result. Gessner stated that Stegner believed that individuals have a hand in their own fashioning. “He held onto this conviction his entire life, frequently using what would come to seem dated words like will and determination.” They overcame the hardships of their childhood.

Today, we look at the children who are acting out in public to those who didn’t harm them, and it embarrasses many of us. Perhaps they were more privileged and didn’t get the nurturing they needed as children. Perhaps getting likes solves their need to be loved. We just have to keep explaining to them that all of that is not real. It’s more important to make changes in writing to those in charge. Tiny little cogs in local government can’t solve everything, but if enough people write and attend local meetings, things can change for their neighborhoods. Shouting and filming local police and council members doesn’t help. Persuasion using the written word and great public speaking will change things. Think about it: Does shoving a camera into someone’s face change anything? Sure, you might make them uncomfortable for the moment, and you might even get arrested. But think about all of the other people watching what you are filming. Think about how you are making them uncomfortable. And they may support that opposition because of your actions. Those that vote see your behavior as an attack on an individual (even if they are truly horrible to their constituents). You may not like those buffoons who are spewing information that has no basis in fact because they are following the party line and that guy in office, but have you really made a change in that person? Only reading what is being done, fact checking information that is being given to you on reliable sources, and voting for someone who cares about all people will create a wind of change. So young people, stop sitting on the sidelines or filming stupid acts! Get out there and vote and create relationships with a new driving force! Enough said.

“Order is the dream of man, but chaos is the law of nature.”—Henry James

I love you all and try to flow like me with the winds of change every day that you are alive!

I Yam What I Yam

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Or: You Cannot Keep Ignoring the Truth
Popeye said it so succinctly that we are who we are no matter what others think of us. With all the Pride parades and parties coming up, I want to return to a subject that the rednecks (male and female alike) of the world have latched onto because of that guy in office. Why are you so worried about others whose identity doesn’t match up to what your expectations are? Why are you afraid that others who can be incredible and yet different from your perception of reality?

And you women out there who are so loud and obnoxious and sooooo terribly wrong in these matters, ask yourself: Why do you fall into line because a ridiculous man is telling you what you think and what you should do? Are you that privileged that you don’t see the pain of others when you belittle those who are unique in their own ways? Why are you threatened by this?

Blaming DEI (Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion) on everything that is happening is just wrong. We had come a long way before the buffoon started telling us what to think. Women, get it together and change this! Teach your children (especially your male children) to respect women and diverse people. Stop agreeing with this nonsense and support your community – those who are alike and different that you. DEI isn’t a bad word. It promotes:

  • Educator Growth: Professional Development, Training, Hiring Practices.
  • Classroom and Climate: Culturally Responsive and Inclusive Practices and Curriculum.
  • Student Belonging: Identity, Empathy, Inclusion.
  • Community Cohesion: Parent/Guardian Education and Involvement, Town Partnerships.

I grew up in an era where if you weren’t a white Anglo-Saxon male, your voice meant nothing. Have we completely returned to this way of thinking? And, if so Why? Everyone is unique and have made it so far in this world. Hating someone for being of a different race, a different gender, for what they believe, or even how they dress and identify is just wrong. We have to return to loving kindness for all and if that is what it means to be woke, then count me in!

“Everyone deserves to live free from hate, fear, and violence. We cannot free ourselves from hate if we don’t identify and acknowledge it when it happens. What is typically included in ongoing reporting is just as important as what is left out – the voices of individuals who experienced incidents of hate.” AND:
“Today’s political climate is highly charged. From white supremacist and anti-government movements coalescing and moving more into the political mainstream, to conspiracy theories circulating online, to the amplification of hate by public officials. We refuse to let the loud volume of a few define us.” https://civilrights.org/value/fighting-hate-bias/#

For more information on this organization and what else you can do see:
https://civilrights.org/blog/

So all I am saying is stop the patter of malcontent and learn to accept that not everyone is like you. Embrace all those who differ from you, even if you don’t always agree with them. Make life a little easier for yourself if you choose your battles and words with others.

Get outside, enjoy the beautiful days, and have a heart full of love tonight! Love to all who are trying to do their part every day they live!

Writers are Brave

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Or: New thoughts are bold and scary. Anne Lamott once said about her father: “Writing taught my father to pay attention; my father in turn taught other people to pay attention and then to write down their thoughts and observations.” Lamott’s father was a writer, and had students that were inmates in San Quenton prison who took part in a  creative-writing program. He taught his students and his daughter by example. He asked his students to put a little bit down on paper every day, and to constantly read great books (and poetry).

I know how important math and sciences are and am grateful for the education my child and I have had in our lives. But sometimes I think society has forgotten the fact that creativity in the form of writing and reading has helped us in the past. I wonder if the reason that we don’t encourage others to engage in the simple act of reading is because the people around us begin to change. They expand their thinking because they are more enlightened on a subject and aren’t afraid to discuss it. A subject may change their lives and they may drift away from you because you may not want to follow the thread of this new idea and life in general.

If we don’t read, we don’t want others in our inner circle to change. We are stuck in some reality that actually doesn’t work but if others leave us we feel threatened by them. Reading (and writing) helps us evolve and become who we are today.

Bold stories make us ponder all of the history writers have written about, and philosophize about deep subjects which leads us to become incredible critical thinkers. When young people tell me they don’t like to read, I am saddened to think how much they have missed in their lives. I am saddened to think of all the incredible stories that have been told in the past and are currently being told today. They are missing out on how humans have evolved (and devolved of late) from past understandings of how the world and society as a whole works.

I was really dismayed when I looked at what all of us, especially women, have gone through to be allowed to learn and especially ponder life’s greatest mysteries by asking intelligent questions. Reading and writing have been essential in my life and I hope I have passed on these life-changing thoughts to my child. I hope to pass on the importance of turning off that constant scrolling and pick up a book (or audiobook) to discover life’s mysteries both past and present. Be a brave reader and get curious!

Here’s a kicker from my past:  My mother would constantly tell me not to read under the covers with a flashlight late at night because it would ruin my eyes. And when I said I wanted to emulate Madame Curie, who worked through a problem night and day and didn’t even take a bath, she stated, “Well, you have to bathe!” And I muttered under my breath, as all teenagers do, “Wow! That’s what you got out of that?”

And finally, to a quote Emily Dickinson: “Women were not encouraged to read because men feared it would joggle their minds.”

I encourage everyone to read my favorite book on writing of all times to gain perspective on us writers:   Bird by Bird, by Anne Lamott

I love you all and hope you are having fun creating a magnificent garden in your back yard. Summer is upon us!

Hug Trees, Clean up the Seas, Save the Bees!

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I saw this on Facebook today and I thought it summed things up nicely! When things get rough out there go out into the woods and just breathe. Find the biggest tree and sit awhile, embracing its energy. Sink your feet in the earth and call out its name. Thank the tree for still being there. Be grateful it has survived all these years, through fires, drought, massive rain runoff and abuse of people in general.

If you are near the ocean, take a walk on the beach with your bag and pick up plastic and debris. Dispose of it afterwards in the appropriate bins. Find a spot on the beach and sit for a while. Watch the waves and harmonize with them. Say hello to the little birds and critters in the sand.

Plant your garden with pollinators and welcome the bees, even if you are a little afraid of them. They are our friends and keep our plants and food alive! Get rid of the wasps that try to take over their habitat. Let them be at peace and do their work.

Be grateful for all of the creatures, plants, and trees that we still have out there on this planet. Yes, we lose things every day, but there are still those places that survive despite our undoing. Tread lightly on these vast arid landscapes and keep it alive.

We can live in harmony with nature if we slow down and give it a chance. We can appreciate the beauty outside if we appreciate the beauty inside each of us. Everyone needs a sacred space to go to, even if it is a small one in your backyard. That is what I am creating, a little bit at a time. Can you say that you are doing the same thing in yours?

I am at peace tonight, finishing up my work, and listening to the birds and creatures outside (although a little malice towards that very loud crow!) with promises of a beautiful summer ahead.

“You may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one. I hope someday you’ll join us. And the world will live as one.”― John Lennon

“When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace.”
― Jimi Hendrix

I love you all and wish you well!

Out of Time

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“Now is our time. It’s our time to chase rainbows and build castles in the sky. It’s our time to create a life that we love. Because someday, it will no longer be our time.” ~ Shawn Anderson

“The clock is ticking. It’s time to stand up. Reject the lesser evil and that propaganda. Reject the lesser evil. Fight for the greater good like our lives depend on it because they do. We’re running out of time. It’s time to stand up.” ~ Jill Stein

“Before you know it it’s 3 am and you’re 80 years old and you can’t remember what it was like to have 20-year-old thoughts or a 10-year-old heart.” ~ Anita Pallenberg

“We all live inside bodies that will deteriorate. But when you look at human beings, they’re capable of very decent things: love, loyalty. When time is running out, they don’t care about possessions or status. They want to put things right if they’ve done wrong.” ~ Kazuo Ishiguro

And one more from Edward Abbey:
“Transcendence…It is this which haunts me night and day. The desire to transcend my own limits, to exceed myself, to become more than I am. Why?…To transcend this job, this work, this place, this kind of life—for the sake of something superlative, supreme, exalting.”

Love where you are at this very moment. Seek transcendence just like Edward Abbey, but in your own time, before you are out of time. That’s it for today. Been working on the book! Love to all of you out there who are trying to do the right thing.

Reflections on Defining Our Identity and the War to Come

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“Identity is an entirely made-up construct, formed largely based on stories other people tell you about yourself.” – Veronica G. Henry, The Canopy Keepers

There are many books in this series, but I encourage you to at least read this first one: The Canopy Keepers

You learn many things about yourself from your family’s stories before you establish who you are. But when you make a decision to go the path you are destined to take, you may counteract all of those stories they have given you in all the years you lived with them. You break out of the mold and become the person you were supposed to be.

If you spend any time with the Buddhist monks, they might ask of you “Who are you?”
I once met and hung out with some amazing monks from China back in the 90’s. I was at an event in Northern California and later at the person’s house who housed them for the time they were visiting. There were a few older ones and a lot of young ones. The older ones appeared to be so very wise and my skeptical self said whether it was a con or not, I listened to what they had to say. And for a while, I felt at peace. They weaved red ropes and gave me a necklace to wear to ease my pain. For a while, I was at peace.

It was the younger monks, though, that just surprised me and made me laugh and enjoy their shenanigans. They went shopping at the local stores, bought sunglasses, baseball caps, and Pepsi. I couldn’t believe how much of that stuff they consumed while they were there. These kids were able to step out of their serious world to a moment in time where they could just be teenagers.

There was a time when I identified with the era of dragons and dragon queens, of Celtic Lore and the powerful belief in magic. I researched the Power of the Myth with Joseph Campbell and read everything I could get my hands on from fantasy authors such as: Marion Zimmer Bradley, particularly The Mists of Avalon, Anne McCaffery, especially the Dragonriders of Pern, Andre Norton, and later Robert Jordan, to name a few.

This powerful connection to the lore of the past made me appreciate the connection to the earth and how we treat it. Reading these books also prepared me for an appreciation of the old world and later to western civilizations and exploration. It led me to debunk the glory of the cowboy and appreciate those that were here before the insurgence of people that didn’t understand the land. I read all of the greats, such as Wallace Stegner, Edward Abbey, Reg Saner (CU professor-Look it up!), and now David Gessner. Their powerful words led me to an understanding of why I am here and not on the east coast. It led me to an understanding of the things that I still want to do in life to preserve what we have, while trying to help people understand that we are the interlopers and should be humble in the presence of those that came before us out in the west. It led me to meeting interesting native peoples and learning how they lived their lives. It led me to a teacher who gave me perspective on their thoughts and ways of life. And finally, it led me to some understanding of how we must continue to protect this wild west at all times, against anything that is thrown at it from crazy corporate schemes. I picked my battles based on what I can do at the time. One day at a time.

There is a war brewing and when it begins, history will repeat itself. “When a war begins, history is quick to tell us who made the first strike (Veronica Henry, The Canopy Keepers, p222).” However, it is not really as clear as Sylvester Stallone’s classic “They drew first blood.” The war brewing outside of us needs to be channeled into what we can do to save democracy, and to save to world. But we must first quell the war inside us and take a stand, unclouding our judgment and creating a better world for us and all of the oppressed.

The war within us helps us define who we are and what we need to do. Parents and grandparents always seem to think they know best, but it’s not true. They can give the foundation for a good life, but it is up to their offspring to discover who they truly are and where they can do their very best in the world. You can have the most experience in the room, but sometimes you have to see a new way of doing things.

Old knowledge can get in the way when you think you know all there is about a subject. So I am asking all of you to listen to all points of view, even when you believe it is wrong, and stop waging the battle inside. Find a way to come up with solutions where we can work together and all wind up at the center of the universe, not as individuals, but together, in harmony, working towards keeping all people free and protected from injustice.

So I am asking everyone to think about who they are and why they are here. I am asking everyone to take a leap beyond what our parents thought we should be. Become that person beyond the perception of your parents, grandparents, and coworkers think you are. Be a responsible homeowner, parent, chief cook, and bottle washer. I am asking everyone to get involved and keep this beautiful land habitable. I am asking everyone to pick one cause that keeps cruelty at bay. Saving democracy and peaceful cohabitation is the right thing to do with our lives.

I love you all on this beautiful rainy Colorado evening.

Every Wrinkle Tells a Story

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Or: Love and Respect through the Ages
WRINKLE: A small furrow, ridge, or crease on a normally smooth surface, caused by crumpling, folding, or shrinking; A line or crease in the skin, as from age; a clever trick, method, or device, especially one that is new and different;
a problem or imperfection; a fault
WRINKLY: adjective wrinkly; comparative adjective wrinklier; superlative adjective: wrinkliest-having many lines or folds.
Urban dictionary: A cute old person

So I haven’t posted since Mother’s Day and life has once again gotten in the way of my pursuit for harmony and peace. I broke my rib and it was a road that I had not wanted to take, and a painful one to say the least. I still hate emergency rooms and hospitals in general, and hope to never go back! Needless to say, the old part of me felt it. Although I am recuperating fast, I have learned something about paying attention to the little things in life, such as not carrying a ton of things in my hands while walking down the stairs! Knees don’t always work the way we want them to. From now on, one hand on the rail at all times. You don’t realize how much you must pay attention to little things as you age in order to live another day.

Having said all that, I feel like I am slowly accepting help when I need help, though I grit my teeth and chastise myself for putting myself into that situation. I appreciate my spouse, and forgive all his grumblings. I hope he understands everything that I do all the time during the day now that he has had to do it. I hope he appreciates me as much as I appreciate him every day.

He was a life saver in my grand scheme of the garden. This weekend, we weeded (thistle is my nemesis!), planted flowers and bushes, and planted some of the vegetables, except for the tomatoes. They are still in pots. The rain has been both wonderful and crazy. I love the green, but not the weeds! The raised beds have been a fantastic addition since I don’t bend as well right now. We’ll see what comes up!

I have been thinking about all the wrinkles that have come up in my life, especially since I now know that I am not invincible (I KNOW! Harsh reality sets in permanently!) Every day I try to have a positive attitude about these life lessons. I look at my physical wrinkles as an accomplishment, not one that needs to be faded away with all the expensive cremes from late night advertisements. I look at each one with love, and thank them for allowing me to be here a little longer on this plane of existence.

Wrinkles in life happen and that makes us grow. Sometimes we take a new direction each time there is a wrinkle in the road, and sometimes it is a better path. And sometimes we re-live our mistakes in our heads too many times and forget to take the new fork in the road. When we can resolve a current problem, we can move forward to the next phase in our life and accept that things are always changing. We have to drive around and as we process old blockages, we move forward.

If we can focus on the good even in the overwhelming chatter of the bad things out in the world, we can finish our work – the work that we were put on this earth to do. If the negativity begins to give you more wrinkles, try and take a step back and fix the problem that is disrupting your journey.

Try to read more about love and acceptance and stop blaming everyone else. Try to have a perspective that cares about the world, and all of its people. Do something wonderful each day, no matter how small the task is. Learn to appreciate your wrinkles, and how you got them. Learn how to learn something new every day that you live. Finish one task at a time and move on to the next. Before you know it, you will have lived a wonderful life and no one can take that away from you. Love who you are, wrinkles and all.

I send out love and positivity tonight to everyone!

Learning to Listen and Happy Mother’s Day!

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Or: People want to hear what they want to hear, not necessarily the truth.
I keep returning to this concept that we aren’t hearing each other. We are so busy trying to insert our opinions upon others that we forget to breathe and take in what the other person is trying to say. Listening skills are difficult, and I know I am one of the worst offenders on this subject but I have noticed this in our inner circles as well, especially in spouses and children.

Sometimes we can feel ganged up on and stop talking about a subject. And sometimes the subject is important enough to try and have a conversation. We should be there in the present moment to understand what the other person is trying to say. We should listen to the nuances of what is being said, and believe what they are saying at the time. Questioning takes us off the track of what we are trying to communicate. And we shouldn’t overgeneralize a topic that is being discussed and hear one another.

For the most part, human beings just want to be heard by their friend, family member, or even a stranger who has reached out to us. Others don’t always need to solve the problem of the moment. And it’s okay if it doesn’t get solved right away. Just having someone to talk to can calm us and make us rethink a problem. It can help us come up with a solution later when we are alone with our thoughts.

Active listening is such a learned experience and very few of us have accomplished this skill. Today, I am just asking you to try and understand that what you hear isn’t always what another person says. Think before you put something forward and come to a conclusion. Enough said.

And on that note, I have returned to my gardens. Today was wonderful. Kiddo called and wished me a Happy Mother’s Day. Husband went to Indiana to visit his mom for the week. I took the day to clean up more weeds, put in edgers and rock borders, put down some pea gravel near the raised beds, and sorted the seeds for planting. Next week will be Home Depot runs for new shrubs and plants. I also will be getting the flowers, tomatoes, and green bean seeds into pots. When they are lovely and green in a few weeks, I’ll be transplanting them later into the wonderful, raised beds my family built for me. So excited! Thank you family for letting me have this time! Times like these help me regain perspective and energy to fight another good fight!

I send you all greetings for a Happy Mother’s Day and lots of hugs and love tonight!

Maturity and Justice

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I am re-reading How to Raise a Citizen by Dr. Lindsey Cormack because there is so much packed into this little book regarding what we don’t know about our political system, and why we haven’t passed on this knowledge to our children. This should be an awakening to what is happening right now in our country. It should be a part of your parental handbook for life’s simple responsibilities. We cannot buy into the old “we don’t talk about politics because it is not unpleasant or it’s not polite.” That is old and outdated thinking. We cannot protect our children from being upset, especially if they don’t understand how the world works at a younger age. There are levels of teachings that is uncomfortable, but we as parents must embrace the uncomfortable conversations. Sometimes, that is what makes the children as well as their adult parents grow. We have to help them understand how the world can be harsh and how politicians aren’t representing us, but couching the conversation in a no nonsense, calm manner. When we are angry about what is going on, we pass that anger onto the children and that is why they don’t want to participate. It’s okay to talk about hard things in a calm manner. It’s okay for them to have a different opinion from you if they have the facts to back it up. Children (and adults) need to understand how to live in a society that is democratic and fair to all people without fear rearing its ugly head in the conversation.

And here are a few more points on creating a handbook for your children before they become an adult:
First, start teaching your children at an early age on what is important for them to survive on a daily basis when they become an adult. It should include the knowledge of living on their own as a new adult. When they go out in the world, they should understand what the four top items in their budget are:

  1. Shelter
  2. Heat
  3. Water
  4. Food

IN THAT ORDER BEFORE ANYTHING ELSE.
A new adult should have a basic understanding of how things work in the world, like, oh, let’s say remembering to pay their bills on time. New adults should understand a basic contract, and that they are agreeing to pay the rent or mortgage first, as well as the items that come with this agreement, such as the heat and water bill, before spending money on anything else. And they should be a polite human being when they are on the phone with people who are trying to help them.

It is my hope that parents are creating their own handbooks for their children before pushing them out of the nest. It is my hope that the people I talk to every day who are rude, are those examples of humanity that didn’t listen to the good advice their parents gave them. And finally, it is my hope that parents have taken measures to help their children understand how to live their best life by taking care of themselves and others who need them, and creating a better society that believes in democracy and rights and fairness for all people.

While Democracy is slowly being abolished and fascism is taking its place in this current era, we as parents as well as the new adults, should focus on fighting the good fight, not bickering over tiny, stupid things. Place your anger where it belongs. Ask yourself and your friends why they believe in things that aren’t true. Ask your children good questions. Give them a chance to ask you good questions and seek answers that make sense, even if you are uncomfortable.

Ask your senators and representatives why they are not stepping up to support the people. Do our members of congress who are bowing to that guy in office know something that we don’t? Do they know that they are just going to stay in power when the next election comes around? Do they know that we may not even have an election so that’s why they aren’t worried? I urge you to watch the 5/6/25 episode of the Late Show with Stephen Colbert and what guest Rachel Maddow talked about regarding this subject. She had some amazing insight into what is going on out there and how the American people are wholeheartedly protesting and trying to bring about change to what has been happening.

We as a people cannot lie down and take it. We have to continue the good fight against what is happening. We have to focus our anger and frustration into a cause that defeats those who don’t care what is happening in Congress. We have to turn over the vote on everyone who is not doing their job to protect the rights of the American people.

So, take a moment and think before you harass your lowly government workers. Take a moment to look at the bigger picture and fight the fight that needs fighting! We can change the world if we’re all in this together! Thank you for listening.

So, get serious with what needs getting serious about, then you can get silly and sing a happy song! Let’s Go Fly a Kite!

I love you all tonight, even you grumpy ones!

Expectations and Control

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I have been pondering of late why we are so stressed out that we can’t even think and do the simplest of tasks. I think the negative energy surrounding us is so strong that we feel like we are out of control of our everyday lives. We cope by wanting to place our burden onto someone else for a moment. We don’t want to resolve our own problems yet we get upset with others when we put it on them and it doesn’t turn out the way we think it should. Our cognitive dissonance kicks in. Our mind spirals out of control. We are thinking that we both love the person trying to help us, and hate them for coming up with a solution at the same time. It is hard to understand that we are thankful that they tried to help us, but hate them because it wasn’t the solution we were hoping or looking for to solve the problem, and, as a result, we get angry and disappointed.

Our expectations of everything getting better, when a lot of things are getting worse, make us on edge and we don’t know what to expect. And it doesn’t help that the media is keeping it out there. We start to hate the people and events that don’t fit into our world, and start agreeing with the most egregious acts. We want to believe that everything is wonderful for us and all that is out there is affecting everyone else, not us. Well, I’m here to tell you, bad things are happening to EVERYONE. It’s how we deal with our daily lives and expectations that makes us survive in an unpleasant situation. It’s how we deal with others and treat them that makes us human beings and members of a society that only we can make better.

So here is my thought for today. Things in your bubble can be better if you treat others the way you want to be treated. Things in your bubble will get better if you take a break from the doomsday news and greet someone with love and kindness each day. Things in your bubble will get better if you believe you are in control of your own bubble and expect greatness of yourself. Be brave!

Finally, here are a few things I want to pass on to you after this crazy week I had:

  • I know you’re busy, but take some time to read the instructions. Find out why something isn’t working to your satisfaction.
  • Don’t blame the person on the phone.
  • You are expected to be an adult and take responsibility for researching the problem. The person you have called to fix a problem can help you, but it is ultimately your responsibility to understand why the problem exists and how to fix it in the future.
  • Slow down and take a breath before speaking.
  • Follow along when someone is trying to tell you something.
  • Contrary to popular belief the world doesn’t revolve around you!
  • We can get through it together. We all have to work together to fix any problem. It will take time. And remember, there is only so much time in a workday. There is never enough workers, and there are lots of jobs to do in a day!

Finally, I know I am prone to this, but I believe that we cannot isolate ourselves in a cocoon while all this is going on. Sure, we can turn off the news, but the buzz will always be around us. So here’s a thought: Take one hour for yourself, and take one hour for someone else each day that you live on this plane of existence.
For yourself, take a walk with your dog, or just by yourself. Go out and weed (I know! I know! But it really is fulfilling!) In a few weeks, plant your garden. Go swim and sing in the lap lane! Put your headphones on and get on the treadmill! Watch the movie A Complete Unknown and be taken back in time.

For others, walk and talk with them and listen to what they have to say. Be there in person and on the phone and in the present moment to help someone solve a problem. Try not to get frustrated with them because they are frustrated. And, read a wonderful tale of love and triumph. Purchase and read How We Learn to Be Brave by Mariann Edgar Budde and “…be responsible for your rose [from Le Petit Prince]…[and] “…Be a person upon whom others [can] depend and relish the days when nothing important seems to be happening….”

I love you all and I trying to live in the present moment every day even when it is hard. I ask that you to do the same!

May the 4th be with you!!!