Tag Archives: family

Embracing Connections: Life Lessons and Fall Cleanup

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The cleanup has begun. A hint of fall is in the air. I have given away the last of my squash to the food bank and met a wonderful bunch of workers there who talk to me each time I go. One of the women volunteers even gave me advice to pass on to my kiddo, who is looking for work in his field. We had things in common and talked a while. It is strange how we connected, especially over worries about our children. Communication is always the key to life, isn’t it? You never know where it will take you.

And speaking of connections, I have been following Renea Winchester for years, a writer originally from Georgia who now lives in Appalachia in North Carolina. She is a wonderful storyteller, and her words inspire me to carry on into the next chapter in my life. Her latest book, The Mountains Remember, details the history of her ancestors who lived in the Great Smoky Mountains. Her characters are strong and resilient, rooted in her family’s history in the mountains. The home featured on the cover is now a museum in the Great Smoky Mountains State Park. I encourage you to purchase her books. It will lift your spirits in the winter months. Visit her website at https://blogthefarm.wordpress.com/ to follow her story.

So, as I prepare beds for planting the multitudes of brightly colored bulbs, hoping for a beautiful spring, I know I will be ready for what life may bring in the winter of my years. We contracted for a new, more efficient sprinkler system in the spring, hoping for a greener future. (And there is always hope for a good snowpack this year!)

As long as I have a brain that works, I’ll keep listening, making new connections, giving hope and encouragement when I can, and writing my story.

I encourage you to donate money, produce, or canned goods to the Louisville Community Food Bank on Taylor Street. https://communityfoodshare.org It is a worthy cause!

Fixed in Time

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Do you know what fixed point in time you came into your own? I recently finished reading both Firefly Lane and Fly Away by Kristin Hannah. Her characters in these books got me thinking a lot about what era I identified with, the era that made me who I am. Although my primary years were in the 1960s, I came into my own in the late 1970s and 1980s. I identified with the music, the clothes, the career, and the women in my life who changed everything. We, as a gender, began to recognize that women were just as important as men and started demanding equal rights.  

In the 1950s, women were expected to stay home and handle all domestic duties, including raising children. They were supposed to be perfect, not speak out of turn, and so many believed they deserved their station in life. In some families, love was a commodity; abuse in some households was tolerated (it was your fault, after all, right?), and children were supposed to accept what they got, their place in society, and not question any rules. Many blamed themselves for everything that went wrong in relationships. After all, so many of them married their version of their father. And that’s what the future grandchildren understood that their mothers were supposed to do, right?

The women of the 50s, 60s, and even some of the 70s had no careers, no money of their own, no property of their own, and believed in this system. They weren’t allowed to go to the same schools as men (don’t want to distract the men from their pursuits! Wow!) But then, the children rebelled. We saw through the B.S. and wanted more. We wanted independence.

My mother was a homemaker, but she worked before she had children. She was adamant that her children go to college and have a career, and I am forever grateful to her. My male cousins influenced me, and I chose my career based on what they had accomplished. Many women and men in roles as teachers and commanders in my life kept me going, even when I wanted to stop. They saw something in me that made me overcome my doubts. They never let me give up. They influenced others who scoffed at women being in predominantly male fields. They also had expectations of who I SHOULD be, which made me think deeply and create expectations of who I WANTED to be. Through their influence and guidance, I became the resilient person I am today. I continue to research and learn, ask good questions, embrace the positive, and stay informed.

And although some women of my era got through those years and stayed stagnant in their thoughts and choices, keeping their daughters afraid, other women embraced everything new, combined their knowledge of past and present, moved on to something completely different, and became mentors to younger generations.

This year has been trying, to say the least, and as we approach fall, it’s time to clean up our own backyards, love who we are, mentor younger generations, stop hate and prejudice, and stand up and be heard. No matter how much garbage news is spewed at the masses, always do the right thing. Give when you can to those in need. Protect yourself and your babies at all costs. And protect others who don’t deserve abuse and hate.

Today I ask all of you to reflect on these last few years of distress and suffering, and start changing little by little. Protect yourselves, but don’t let your daughters buy into the TRAD Wife debacle. (Look it up; it’s real and a horrible thing happening right now with younger women.) Lend a helping hand whenever you can. You never know what kind words or deeds you give out each day will help someone in need. I love you all and wish you beautiful moments each day.

The Future We Make

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Last week we took a trip to Salt Lake City to see Kiddo graduate from college! It was a beautiful day and a heartfelt ceremony. We are very proud of him and hope for a great future. It marks the end of one chapter and the beginning of a new one for him. He is sad to be done with college and not getting a job right away, but he is happy to be coming home. The move was grueling in the heat, and the 9-hour drive across Wyoming was not pleasant. But in the end, he and his friend (our inherited child for now) moved into the basement, and the essentials from the boxes are slowly being unpacked. The rest, alas, rests in the sunroom for now. David gave up his basement office for the second kiddo and moved to the workout room. (The workout room is now in the sunroom!) It’s nice having two others at dinner, and they seem to like my cooking. (I draw the line on laundry, though! They’re on their own!)

Once their rooms meet their expectations, they’ll go back to pursuing job opportunities and starting their careers. They may start by working at a grocery store or in retail for a while, but they are motivated to succeed. I believe in this new generation. In my heart, I know they will succeed and do great things, despite all the hullabaloo of the ridiculous idiot who is in the highest office in the land. (Yes, you all have to admit it!)

Twenty-Five years ago, a horrifying event happened, and even though we still mourn the loss, we persevere. Through good times and bad, good people stand up to oppression and madness and help each other. My family will always be an extended one, and I’ll help those in need whenever I can, giving what I have without asking for anything in return. When we keep helping each other, our lives are enriched and give meaning to the world around us. The future we make defines us.

So, today we revere those who tried to do the right thing to help those who needed rescuing. Today, we continue to hope that this will never happen again on our soil. Today, we can rejoice for those who survived and went on to do great things in the world. Today, we must stand together against oppression and fight for all others’ rights. I love you all and hope that life brings you happiness and love for one another.

PURPOSE

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Intention, meaning, aim; Persistence, resolve; Intend, set sights on; ambition, aspiration, desire, determination, direction, function, goal, idea, objective, plan, principle, project, reason, scheme, scope, view, wish.

These last few weeks have been an awakening for me, making me realize that life is fragile and precious, but also has an end. These last few weeks, I have lost a beloved pet, a brother-in-law, and a sister.

There is always an end to the greener seasons. The lowly plants, such as grass and flowers, show us that everything dies in the heat of the day and at the end of the season. Similarly, our lives must end when winter comes and calls us to another plane of existence. It is my hope that my loved ones have gone to a place they desire for a time, and maybe come back in the spring to another, more fulfilling life, one with a meaningful purpose and one that brings hope and joy to another family.

It’s moments like these that make me contemplate the destination of my life. I ask myself: Have my dreams been fulfilled? Have all of my experiences led me to my expectations of what life has been on this timeline? Did I fulfill my mission?  Have I lived my life with intention so that I have fulfilled my purpose, or do I have much more to give? I am determined to understand why I was put on this planet and why I was a part of this family. I haven’t always been the great communicator with my family, and I have hopes they understand that didn’t mean I wasn’t a part of them. My family made me who I am. I hope they fully completed their purpose in life before the end, and I wish them well in whatever they may become in the next life.

In Michelle Obama’s book The Light We Carry, she states: “Someday we will look back at this time we’re now in. We will view it from a different historical perch… what we will make of this time, what will feel ancient…Which stories will get told? What changes will we have managed to make?”  And “We have to be able to envision what’s possible…Every latent dream awakens only when someone is glad for it.”

So I listen when family or friends reach out. I acknowledge their thoughts and our differences and love everyone for who they are at this point in their lives. Perhaps that is my ultimate purpose. Perhaps just being there when someone needs me is what I have been put on this earth for. So, like Mrs. Obama, I want to stay vigorous, humble, and empathetic, and do the best I can for others. I want to keep perspective and understand the history of my past as my present self. I want to love my family for who they are, even with our differences. I hope they can do the same for me.

Love goes out to all of you today, family, and I hope that your tomorrow will be better.

DOING

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I had lunch with a friend a while ago, and we are both in the process of creating memoirs. It was nice to touch base with someone who has had an incredible and interesting life, has loads of journals, notes, and stacks of pictures and papers to sort through (like me), so she can just get to the point of putting it together on the computer.

When I think of all the things that I have done, I feel humbled at what she has accomplished. Her book should be enlightening, to say the least, and I will be able to follow her path in a few years, entering the further chapters of my life, sorting through memories, traveling, and having the next great adventure, going to places I have dreamed about, learning new things, and meeting new people. I look forward to reading about where she was from and where her travels took her.

We laughed about being the “doers” in our families, taking on tasks no one else wanted and excelling at them. We mocked those who weren’t willing to try new things or even do what needed to be done. We agreed that we didn’t want to be the leaders, yet somehow our doing the jobs that needed doing made us become one.

We commiserated about those who refuse to get out of their ruts and won’t learn anything new. They have stagnated into obscurity and dislike others who have moved on. She encouraged me to move on, forgive, and forget those people. They won’t change unless they want to do something new and invigorating with their senior years.

We agonized over those people who have shut out their human side, not caring for others who have less or are different from them, instead condemning them and never stepping up to help.

We discussed at length how we define ourselves, and how our past affected us. We posed questions about how our past might define us, how we might overcome some of the trials that have scarred us, and how we might move on to accept that our present actions are now defining us.

Finally, we noticed that our active listening gave us insight into each other and into how we might teach others to do the same. People who don’t listen are a pet peeve of mine, and I realize how important it is for others to sit down and breathe so we can communicate in a positive, rational way and learn something new about each other and the world.

And finally, we agreed that some people are, to put it bluntly, lazy. Hard work is hard. It’s also hard to do the work. It’s hard to understand the world, and you have to dig for facts, not just believe insane sound bites. It’s important to read and study every day you are in this world, making reality out of nonsense. Family is important, and sometimes you just have to create your own family. Some of us don’t have blood relations that speak to us, because we are so different. So, my advice is to embrace the family and community you create.

The biggest lesson I learned from her was that I need to let things go and accept that other people have issues far bigger than mine, but still need someone to blame. How to dive deeper and figure out the WHY their behavior still bothers me greatly, but I guess that’s one of the things I also need to let go of.

So my advice to you all today is to live your life fully and in the moment. Don’t procrastinate. Do the things that need to be done, even if you don’t want to. Grow something beautiful. Make something tasty out of what you grow, feed others when you can, and embrace happiness. You may not live long enough for the world to change for the better, so make your own world better, and make your happiness when you can.

In the few days before summer is truly announced to the world (the summer solstice), love where you are in this moment of time.  Love the summer as much as I do and get out and dig! Love each other as much as I love you all.

Happy New Year—Hitting the Reset Button

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Okay, so it took me five days to write my New Year’s Blog, but HEY! I have a lot going on right now!

Between kiddo being home, Christmas and New Year’s meal preparations with a bum right thumb, doctor’s appointments, and the general hullabaloo of the holidays, I feel myself lucky that I am sane right now! But I digress. We had a wonderful time, and it was nice to celebrate without thinking about “what things may become” in the future. Now that I have put the grown (21!) baby back on the plane and he is back at college, I have a lot to do this month!

So I tackled the chores in my frenzied Cleaning, Cleaning, Cleaning phase (always after the new year, it seems.) I always feel as if I can get rid of stuff I haven’t used in a hundred years (or since we got married—how many of you remember all those crazy wedding gifts from twenty+ or thirty+ years ago?), then the old mantra, Clean House, Clear Mind, will ring true.

First, I tackled the paper shredding affair. Ugh! What a task. (Everyone who does this understands what I am saying.) I shredded two years’ worth of old tax documents dating back to 2017 and then had to pack it into two big bags for disposal. Then, I had to clean up the floor. Sheesh!

Then I went through the office closet and found way more stuff to give away, such as a zillion children’s puzzles. I am taking them to the rec center for summer camp, 2026!

Then came the kitchen. Since we have such a small kitchen, I went through the pantry and the shelves, cleaned them out, and put on new shelf paper.  I found yet more gadgets that I hadn’t used since the beginning of time (or when we bought them). I’m removing them from the pantry and storing the ice cream maker, popcorn popper, and snow cone machine for the kiddo to see if he’ll take them away when he gets his own place. If now, well, ARC here I come!!!!

We’ll finally tackle taking down the tree, putting away the Christmas decorations, and putting away the Lego Village this weekend. I’ll have my living space back! Yes!

So, with a wonderful old-fashioned Tea Cake Recipe from the past (Thanks, Jo!), I’ll relive my Grandma’s love, and make them this week (after the Frenzied Exercise startup, of course!).

So here’s to singing in the new year, and creating Mantras (NOT RESOLUTIONS!) to do better, be better, and help others. It’s all inside of you!

I completed the updates to both Silver Element and Silver Storm (new cover in progress), so the refresh/reprint is online as well as the third book, Silver Lore! Hope you purchase and read them, and have a blast with the stories!! https://www.amazon.com/stores/Drusilla-M.-Tieben/author/B00ET98OVA

I also want to share an email from a friend on New Year’s Day:
“Hi Friends! I woke up this morning dreaming about our meditation group. I was saying that meditation is not about adding something- but uncovering what is already there- your beautiful, soulful self. Keep uncovering your best, loving self in this New Year.”—Stephen Wurzel
“We know what we are, but know not what we may be.” Shakespeare’s Hamlet (Act 4, Scene 5).

So have a great start to the new year. Love each other every day and help those in need! I love you all and can’t wait to see you or meet you!

Hallmark Moments

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AND: Love, Romance, and Aging Brains
Have you ever found yourself watching the Hallmark Channel around the holidays and getting sucked into the story, even if it is really bad, full of cliches, and with a festive atmosphere where no one is angry with each other? And a little part of you is starting to want to have that life, that moment after the big fight where you kiss and make up, near the mistletoe, and everything is wonderful, and everything is with your soul mate?

Wellllllll…. We all know this quest for true love and romance doesn’t always happen in real life, right? We all go through the ups and downs of daily life, and as we age, things get harder to face in the real world. (Also, notice that everyone in all of these movies is beautiful, has money, and is very young?)

What I’m trying to say is this: We create our Hallmark moments every day that we interact with the ones we love. We strive for perfection, yet embrace what is given. We can love each other the way we are, not perfect, yet make our dreams come true with what we have. Love can conquer our greatest fears as long as we acknowledge our past and move on to a future of our own creation.

In the movie Fred Claus, Fred, Santa Claus’s brother, realizes that there are no naughty kids and that every kid deserves a present at Christmas, no matter how small. It’s the thought of having a loving family surrounding them that counts, not the present itself. In the real world, not every kid is always good, and not every kid gets a present, or even has a family. There are so many of us who forget about the love portion, no matter what we do.

There are rich spoiled kids with good and bad parents, and poor kids whose parents treat them poorly, or kids who don’t have parents at all and are in the system. But I’d like to believe that the majority of parents pull together for the holidays in ways that aren’t about how they were treated by their own parents. I’d like to believe in those happy moments where families just love each other for who they are in this present moment. Sometimes it’s hard to get beyond our weird family dynamics, but there is hope for all of us to love each other in ways we weren’t loved. There is hope that we can become better parents and grandparents and forgive those who treated us poorly in the past. There is hope in seeing others not as different or less than us, but as part of our bigger family, part of being human, people we should embrace and call our own.

So sometimes I have weird dreams, and my family dynamic from the past interferes with my aging brain’s headspace. But I try to overcome these moments and say a little mantra, forgiving all the past trespasses of my family or me against my family. I try to see where I’m at today and be thankful for my loved ones who love me unconditionally. I try to love them the same way that I want to be loved. I remember the good times and try not to beat myself up with the bad times. It’s hard to forget everything, but my brain and body have lived for a long time on this planet, and I hope it continues to live a little longer to see a change in our world for the better.

All I know is that I have done what I could to help others and will continue to do so through many, many small acts of kindness. I hope you’ll do the same. But I think most of us can be better than you know who, and, at least when I fall asleep in my chair, I don’t have the world watching me because I am in charge of the highest office in the land. Time to step down and become a human being, mister! And threatening people’s lives is not cool, so stop it and overcome your pettiness and selfishness. Be a kind and gentle leader for once in your life! No amount of gold on the walls will make you happy with who you are if you don’t take care of all of the people in this country. Enough said.

I hope everyone has a happy and peaceful Thanksgiving. Make beautiful food, share it, and continue your traditions, as well as make new ones for the future. Overcome your dark moods before everyone comes home and try to stay in the moment. Love each other the best way you know how, and extend a helping hand to others in need. I send out much love to all this week!

Traditions

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I have just started preparing for the holidays. My neighbor has all the lights up around his house and is working on the inside! Wow! We will probably start doing that this weekend. We always miss the good weather and end up doing it in the snow. Crazy us.

We’ll get down all of the boxes and boxes of lights and ornaments that are up in the attic over the garage, and I will get out my Lego Village and put it on a long folding table upstairs for display. (We bought the Lego Christmas train this year to add to the village!)

We won’t build the Lego set or put up the tree until kiddo gets home from college, another tradition we’ve started over the last few years. Everyone takes turns putting all the decorations and ornaments on the tree, and if you know me, I will rearrange them a million times before it looks just right.

It’s fun to create traditions that are your own. My husband’s mom passed away recently, and I remember her kindness and thoughtfulness to me when I was struggling with a piece of writing. She would always review my books, and they were always honest and still positive. One of her traditions she started was sending us a Hallmark Christmas ornament around Thanksgiving each year.

We sometimes got the tree up early, but usually it was about two weeks before Christmas. When kiddo came into our lives, David’s mom started sending fun kid ornaments. We have a whole box of them now, and we only put up a few of them for sentimental reasons. This is the first holiday season we will be without her, so I decided to keep the tradition going. I bought a Hallmark ornament for us and for my husband’s Dad. He received it last week, and I think it cheered him up a little bit. I will try to honor her in the future in a way I hope has meaning for all.

And we always hope for a dusting of snow like in the movies, but of course, we haven’t had any snow or rain in 233 days now, so who knows? We can wish. I love you all this week before the holiday season starts. And remember those in need through Colorado Gives Day on December 9th!  https://www.coloradogives.org/

And, of course, catch up on my series before the new ones go live:
SHOP Drusilla Tieben on Amazon

Celebrate and Change with Me!

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Or: Half-Way Mark for 365 Days of Kindness Blogs
Today marks the 182nd post or the half-way mark of my endeavor to enlighten, entertain, and encourage people to keep on living life to the fullest and doing great things. Although there were a few days and weeks where I skipped posting, negating the promise to write every day, I must humbly admit that that was me being me, promising something that is often a huge grand gesture, yet, like life, is hard to deliver. But I am persevering through all the ups and downs of my life with everyone else, and continuing to do my part the best way I know how. So it may take more than a few days after that original 365-day mark (November 2024), but I hope you keep reading and sending out good vibes, love and happiness after my messages come to you unbidden.

Re-reading The Monkey Wrench Gang once again helps me understand how the cyclical thoughts on progress got us where we are today. We want convenience to get to places where we shouldn’t be going. And the big money corporations and their CEOs want to continue to get richer so they pretend that they are doing things for the public (destroying the western lands, like building roads and dams, drilling, mining, fracking, ad nauseum) making life better for us, more convenient for us, all the while hurting the earth and the environment and all of us who live in it. After all, the ads always paint a rosy picture, right? And of course we should believe those, right?

Seldom Seen Smith was right: “The river, the canyon, the desert world was always changing, from moment to moment, from miracle to miracle, within the firm reality of mother earth. River, rock, sun, blood, hunger, wings, joy—this is the real….All the rest is androgynous theosophy. All the rest is transcendental transvestite transactional scientology or whatever the fad of the day, the vogue of the week.” [Abbey, Edward. The Monkey Wrench Gang (p. 61). RosettaBooks. Kindle Edition.]

We all want the adventures from our past but in a more convenient, easier way. After all, we are getting older and can’t do those hikes like we used to. We embrace those conveniences at the detriment of those beautiful areas. But we also deny how much our climate is changing and what havoc is wreaked upon all of us. Perhaps it is just too big a problem not one for immediate resolution and that breaks us. So many of us ignore what is happening, and yet many of us are stepping up to the task. We know we can’t fix everything, but we are trying to do the best we can in our smaller environments. Every day I am thankful for all of my adventures in my younger years and what I saw. But I am also thankful for the new inventions in gear, such as better equipment, less plastic, and better shoes and backpacks for the young ones to take those adventures. We can’t give up on the new inventions, yet we have to come up with solutions to stop destroying the land for profit.

Monkey wrenching in the oldest of ideologies doesn’t work the way we think it should. Perhaps we should think of new ways to change progress, maybe purchasing lands (including the mineral rights, if possible) to protect them from the marauders. Smarter people than me are making this happen in many states. It is my hope that this way of thinking will be the new tool to protect our children and grandchildren in the future.

So my thoughts for today are these: Keep picking up trash and plastics no matter where you are and recycle, reuse, etc. You know the drill. Stop using plastics in your home. Go electric or maybe hybrid in your vehicles (I know I am in a few years!) Eat less beef (I love it and I know we are in beef country, but come on!) And grow some wonderful food items in your gardens to feed your family and others!) Stop listening to advertisements. If we can start these practices, thinking before doing, and making changes in our lives, the movement will grow and change will happen.

Keep writing your congressmen to stop granting rights to those in big oil and gas, big mining, big, well everything. Ask your congressmen to stop taking money from these corporations in order to stay in office. I know that is a hard one and many people don’t think like me, but that’s the only way we are going to stop it. Support those who support us. I know we won’t change everything, and I know we’ve heard it before, but we can keep the conversation going. At least our tiny piece of the world will be cleaner. Thank you for listening and I look forward to better times!

Love to all tonight.

Who Will Be There for You?

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I have been contemplating how I want to be remembered and who I want to have around me, especially when it’s time to dance off this plane of existence. My writing has always been one of a mixture of fact and fiction and my past frequently shows up in the characters I’ve written about. I don’t always reveal my darkest moments, and I am okay with that. I want to be remembered as one who loves life and appreciates others for who they are. I don’t want to dwell on past realities or relationships that brought me down. I want to celebrate the love I have been given over these last 25+ years. I hope that my family feels the same. I constantly search for what Wallace Stegner called a usable past that I can employ in my characters and reveal a little of myself to strangers. There are so many things that I want my family and friends to remember about me that are positive.

I wish that I had been more of a documentarian like Edward Abbey and kept my journals full. I wrote during my travels, but over the last few years, I became more sedentary and didn’t keep up. I began writing sort of a prequel about my beloved Caitlin, which came from notes over the past 50 or more decades. As I go through the notes, there are so many things that I wished I had fleshed out when I was living them. But that is the beauty of storytelling I suppose. Write what you know, and remember, and the story will follow.

I suppose pictures will have to be good enough for my future generations. As they fade, we are endeavoring to digitize those old Polaroids and other camera photos. But one thing I’d like to share with you is to keep a journal on hand at all times. Document your adventures because places you’ve cherished may not be there when your family travels to them.

I loved the fact that Wallace Stegner had a legacy, to-do list on his desk when he died and it was later published. He reminded me that while I am on this earth, there is still so much work to be done. I have completed many to-do lists and put them on my desktop of my computer, both short and long-term projects. I want to begin to add writing lists to this, for people and places I want to research and learn about.

But who will be there for you through your failing brain, through sickness, through general aging? Decide who is most important and ask them to be there as you will be there for them. Even if you don’t leave a large legacy, be there for the ones you care about the most, a family member, a loving spouse, or a best friend. My spouse is my both my spouse and best friend. I hope that he will be there for me as I will be there for him.

Finally, ever think about what you want to put out there at the end of life? As a writer I think it’s important to create your own obituary ahead of time. Find a picture you love, and save it on a thumb drive somewhere. Put it in an envelope and give it to each other. You’ve lived a wonderful life so why not have your family celebrate it the way you want them to?

So after walking around the house for 10 minutes looking for your glasses so you can finish your epic novel, and after finding them on the top of your head, rejoice in the fact that you are still here. Embrace the knowledge that your loved ones still love you, and that your words may not be read by everyone, but that they have been immortalized in print. Know that you have left a tiny footprint on this earth and those that love you will still remember your impact on their lives, whether good or bad, mad, or sad, cursed, or beloved. Hope for happiness during the life you still have and wish for happiness for you loved ones in the future. Acknowledge (and write it down) that special someone to watch over you. Someone to Watch Over Me

Love to all on this dark and stormy night! Keep enjoying the zucchini! Here is a wonderful recipe I just tried! Very delicious! Stanley Tucci’s Zucchini and Potato Muffins