Author Archives: Drusilla Tieben (Dru)

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About Drusilla Tieben (Dru)

I am a former police officer, crime analyst, profiler and trainer. I hold a black belt in Aikido. In the past, I've had to make immediate decisions for people in life-threatening situations. I applied the law, martial arts principles, and life lessons, in a logical and ethical manner, and helped victims gain a sense of organization and control over their lives. I wrote a book entitled Discover the Life You Want to Live which is based on my career and writing experiences. I started this blog to help people solve their own problems and to give recognition to all the entrepreneurs out there who have a community and global view and aren't instant millionaires.

Every Wrinkle Tells a Story

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Or: Love and Respect through the Ages
WRINKLE: A small furrow, ridge, or crease on a normally smooth surface, caused by crumpling, folding, or shrinking; A line or crease in the skin, as from age; a clever trick, method, or device, especially one that is new and different;
a problem or imperfection; a fault
WRINKLY: adjective wrinkly; comparative adjective wrinklier; superlative adjective: wrinkliest-having many lines or folds.
Urban dictionary: A cute old person

So I haven’t posted since Mother’s Day and life has once again gotten in the way of my pursuit for harmony and peace. I broke my rib and it was a road that I had not wanted to take, and a painful one to say the least. I still hate emergency rooms and hospitals in general, and hope to never go back! Needless to say, the old part of me felt it. Although I am recuperating fast, I have learned something about paying attention to the little things in life, such as not carrying a ton of things in my hands while walking down the stairs! Knees don’t always work the way we want them to. From now on, one hand on the rail at all times. You don’t realize how much you must pay attention to little things as you age in order to live another day.

Having said all that, I feel like I am slowly accepting help when I need help, though I grit my teeth and chastise myself for putting myself into that situation. I appreciate my spouse, and forgive all his grumblings. I hope he understands everything that I do all the time during the day now that he has had to do it. I hope he appreciates me as much as I appreciate him every day.

He was a life saver in my grand scheme of the garden. This weekend, we weeded (thistle is my nemesis!), planted flowers and bushes, and planted some of the vegetables, except for the tomatoes. They are still in pots. The rain has been both wonderful and crazy. I love the green, but not the weeds! The raised beds have been a fantastic addition since I don’t bend as well right now. We’ll see what comes up!

I have been thinking about all the wrinkles that have come up in my life, especially since I now know that I am not invincible (I KNOW! Harsh reality sets in permanently!) Every day I try to have a positive attitude about these life lessons. I look at my physical wrinkles as an accomplishment, not one that needs to be faded away with all the expensive cremes from late night advertisements. I look at each one with love, and thank them for allowing me to be here a little longer on this plane of existence.

Wrinkles in life happen and that makes us grow. Sometimes we take a new direction each time there is a wrinkle in the road, and sometimes it is a better path. And sometimes we re-live our mistakes in our heads too many times and forget to take the new fork in the road. When we can resolve a current problem, we can move forward to the next phase in our life and accept that things are always changing. We have to drive around and as we process old blockages, we move forward.

If we can focus on the good even in the overwhelming chatter of the bad things out in the world, we can finish our work – the work that we were put on this earth to do. If the negativity begins to give you more wrinkles, try and take a step back and fix the problem that is disrupting your journey.

Try to read more about love and acceptance and stop blaming everyone else. Try to have a perspective that cares about the world, and all of its people. Do something wonderful each day, no matter how small the task is. Learn to appreciate your wrinkles, and how you got them. Learn how to learn something new every day that you live. Finish one task at a time and move on to the next. Before you know it, you will have lived a wonderful life and no one can take that away from you. Love who you are, wrinkles and all.

I send out love and positivity tonight to everyone!

Learning to Listen and Happy Mother’s Day!

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Or: People want to hear what they want to hear, not necessarily the truth.
I keep returning to this concept that we aren’t hearing each other. We are so busy trying to insert our opinions upon others that we forget to breathe and take in what the other person is trying to say. Listening skills are difficult, and I know I am one of the worst offenders on this subject but I have noticed this in our inner circles as well, especially in spouses and children.

Sometimes we can feel ganged up on and stop talking about a subject. And sometimes the subject is important enough to try and have a conversation. We should be there in the present moment to understand what the other person is trying to say. We should listen to the nuances of what is being said, and believe what they are saying at the time. Questioning takes us off the track of what we are trying to communicate. And we shouldn’t overgeneralize a topic that is being discussed and hear one another.

For the most part, human beings just want to be heard by their friend, family member, or even a stranger who has reached out to us. Others don’t always need to solve the problem of the moment. And it’s okay if it doesn’t get solved right away. Just having someone to talk to can calm us and make us rethink a problem. It can help us come up with a solution later when we are alone with our thoughts.

Active listening is such a learned experience and very few of us have accomplished this skill. Today, I am just asking you to try and understand that what you hear isn’t always what another person says. Think before you put something forward and come to a conclusion. Enough said.

And on that note, I have returned to my gardens. Today was wonderful. Kiddo called and wished me a Happy Mother’s Day. Husband went to Indiana to visit his mom for the week. I took the day to clean up more weeds, put in edgers and rock borders, put down some pea gravel near the raised beds, and sorted the seeds for planting. Next week will be Home Depot runs for new shrubs and plants. I also will be getting the flowers, tomatoes, and green bean seeds into pots. When they are lovely and green in a few weeks, I’ll be transplanting them later into the wonderful, raised beds my family built for me. So excited! Thank you family for letting me have this time! Times like these help me regain perspective and energy to fight another good fight!

I send you all greetings for a Happy Mother’s Day and lots of hugs and love tonight!

Maturity and Justice

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I am re-reading How to Raise a Citizen by Dr. Lindsey Cormack because there is so much packed into this little book regarding what we don’t know about our political system, and why we haven’t passed on this knowledge to our children. This should be an awakening to what is happening right now in our country. It should be a part of your parental handbook for life’s simple responsibilities. We cannot buy into the old “we don’t talk about politics because it is not unpleasant or it’s not polite.” That is old and outdated thinking. We cannot protect our children from being upset, especially if they don’t understand how the world works at a younger age. There are levels of teachings that is uncomfortable, but we as parents must embrace the uncomfortable conversations. Sometimes, that is what makes the children as well as their adult parents grow. We have to help them understand how the world can be harsh and how politicians aren’t representing us, but couching the conversation in a no nonsense, calm manner. When we are angry about what is going on, we pass that anger onto the children and that is why they don’t want to participate. It’s okay to talk about hard things in a calm manner. It’s okay for them to have a different opinion from you if they have the facts to back it up. Children (and adults) need to understand how to live in a society that is democratic and fair to all people without fear rearing its ugly head in the conversation.

And here are a few more points on creating a handbook for your children before they become an adult:
First, start teaching your children at an early age on what is important for them to survive on a daily basis when they become an adult. It should include the knowledge of living on their own as a new adult. When they go out in the world, they should understand what the four top items in their budget are:

  1. Shelter
  2. Heat
  3. Water
  4. Food

IN THAT ORDER BEFORE ANYTHING ELSE.
A new adult should have a basic understanding of how things work in the world, like, oh, let’s say remembering to pay their bills on time. New adults should understand a basic contract, and that they are agreeing to pay the rent or mortgage first, as well as the items that come with this agreement, such as the heat and water bill, before spending money on anything else. And they should be a polite human being when they are on the phone with people who are trying to help them.

It is my hope that parents are creating their own handbooks for their children before pushing them out of the nest. It is my hope that the people I talk to every day who are rude, are those examples of humanity that didn’t listen to the good advice their parents gave them. And finally, it is my hope that parents have taken measures to help their children understand how to live their best life by taking care of themselves and others who need them, and creating a better society that believes in democracy and rights and fairness for all people.

While Democracy is slowly being abolished and fascism is taking its place in this current era, we as parents as well as the new adults, should focus on fighting the good fight, not bickering over tiny, stupid things. Place your anger where it belongs. Ask yourself and your friends why they believe in things that aren’t true. Ask your children good questions. Give them a chance to ask you good questions and seek answers that make sense, even if you are uncomfortable.

Ask your senators and representatives why they are not stepping up to support the people. Do our members of congress who are bowing to that guy in office know something that we don’t? Do they know that they are just going to stay in power when the next election comes around? Do they know that we may not even have an election so that’s why they aren’t worried? I urge you to watch the 5/6/25 episode of the Late Show with Stephen Colbert and what guest Rachel Maddow talked about regarding this subject. She had some amazing insight into what is going on out there and how the American people are wholeheartedly protesting and trying to bring about change to what has been happening.

We as a people cannot lie down and take it. We have to continue the good fight against what is happening. We have to focus our anger and frustration into a cause that defeats those who don’t care what is happening in Congress. We have to turn over the vote on everyone who is not doing their job to protect the rights of the American people.

So, take a moment and think before you harass your lowly government workers. Take a moment to look at the bigger picture and fight the fight that needs fighting! We can change the world if we’re all in this together! Thank you for listening.

So, get serious with what needs getting serious about, then you can get silly and sing a happy song! Let’s Go Fly a Kite!

I love you all tonight, even you grumpy ones!

Expectations and Control

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I have been pondering of late why we are so stressed out that we can’t even think and do the simplest of tasks. I think the negative energy surrounding us is so strong that we feel like we are out of control of our everyday lives. We cope by wanting to place our burden onto someone else for a moment. We don’t want to resolve our own problems yet we get upset with others when we put it on them and it doesn’t turn out the way we think it should. Our cognitive dissonance kicks in. Our mind spirals out of control. We are thinking that we both love the person trying to help us, and hate them for coming up with a solution at the same time. It is hard to understand that we are thankful that they tried to help us, but hate them because it wasn’t the solution we were hoping or looking for to solve the problem, and, as a result, we get angry and disappointed.

Our expectations of everything getting better, when a lot of things are getting worse, make us on edge and we don’t know what to expect. And it doesn’t help that the media is keeping it out there. We start to hate the people and events that don’t fit into our world, and start agreeing with the most egregious acts. We want to believe that everything is wonderful for us and all that is out there is affecting everyone else, not us. Well, I’m here to tell you, bad things are happening to EVERYONE. It’s how we deal with our daily lives and expectations that makes us survive in an unpleasant situation. It’s how we deal with others and treat them that makes us human beings and members of a society that only we can make better.

So here is my thought for today. Things in your bubble can be better if you treat others the way you want to be treated. Things in your bubble will get better if you take a break from the doomsday news and greet someone with love and kindness each day. Things in your bubble will get better if you believe you are in control of your own bubble and expect greatness of yourself. Be brave!

Finally, here are a few things I want to pass on to you after this crazy week I had:

  • I know you’re busy, but take some time to read the instructions. Find out why something isn’t working to your satisfaction.
  • Don’t blame the person on the phone.
  • You are expected to be an adult and take responsibility for researching the problem. The person you have called to fix a problem can help you, but it is ultimately your responsibility to understand why the problem exists and how to fix it in the future.
  • Slow down and take a breath before speaking.
  • Follow along when someone is trying to tell you something.
  • Contrary to popular belief the world doesn’t revolve around you!
  • We can get through it together. We all have to work together to fix any problem. It will take time. And remember, there is only so much time in a workday. There is never enough workers, and there are lots of jobs to do in a day!

Finally, I know I am prone to this, but I believe that we cannot isolate ourselves in a cocoon while all this is going on. Sure, we can turn off the news, but the buzz will always be around us. So here’s a thought: Take one hour for yourself, and take one hour for someone else each day that you live on this plane of existence.
For yourself, take a walk with your dog, or just by yourself. Go out and weed (I know! I know! But it really is fulfilling!) In a few weeks, plant your garden. Go swim and sing in the lap lane! Put your headphones on and get on the treadmill! Watch the movie A Complete Unknown and be taken back in time.

For others, walk and talk with them and listen to what they have to say. Be there in person and on the phone and in the present moment to help someone solve a problem. Try not to get frustrated with them because they are frustrated. And, read a wonderful tale of love and triumph. Purchase and read How We Learn to Be Brave by Mariann Edgar Budde and “…be responsible for your rose [from Le Petit Prince]…[and] “…Be a person upon whom others [can] depend and relish the days when nothing important seems to be happening….”

I love you all and I trying to live in the present moment every day even when it is hard. I ask that you to do the same!

May the 4th be with you!!!

We Cannot All Be In Charge

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Or: It’s Okay to have Some Ground Rules of Conduct and Etiquette!
I have been pondering this of late because I am involved in a few volunteer groups now. I didn’t volunteer much when I was working full-time and now that I have actually gone back to work (again) part-time, I want to enjoy the experience of my volunteer group. For example, I want to make a difference in my own little way by singing to those in memory care. They seem to enjoy it and it is a good learning experience for me. But sometimes the group is in discord and I don’t like to be there when there is so much drama. So, I have a few things to say about people who cause chaos without them even thinking about it:

Sometimes it’s okay to say what you need to say, but sometimes it’s okay to just sit and listen. If you want to be a leader of the group, I suggest you form your own group. If you don’t want to be the leader, then shut up and listen to the leader. This needs to be stated because some people just don’t get it, no matter how many times others tell them. It is a process to learn how to be a part of a group. And as we age, we forget the rules because we have been making the rules up as we go for a long time.

Having said all that, there should be a handout given when a new person joins the group. It should be a documented set of rules, regulations, or simply a statement of conduct and etiquette regarding how you participate in said group. And everyone should agree to follow said rules and/or statements by signing them, just like we all did in middle and high school.

Group dynamics can make or break a group. We can all get in the flow of things and make a cohesive effort to create something wonderful, or we can stay in our teeny tiny world and sit out. I think it’s easier to cooperate with a group I have joined and help out with the skills I have. I don’t need to belittle others so I feel better. For further information about group dynamics, go to: https://psychology.tips/group-dynamics/

I also trust that the group I join will all be amazing with great leadership in charge. There are many leadership styles, and sometimes I don’t always agree with what is being presented to me at the time, but I try to go with the flow and learn from the experience. There is a great article regarding leadership that I recommend you read:
https://www.ccl.org/articles/leading-effectively-articles/characteristics-good-leader/

We are all powerful and accomplished individuals. And yet sometimes we just have to listen and meld with the group. Sometimes a leader yells at you because you aren’t listening. I am sure this happened to you many times in the past and you got through it. So I just want to say something out loud in my own way to that new unhappy person in our choir: Just Chill! We are all in this together and just because you want things your way because you’re new and came from another place that did things differently, you are not in charge of what we do. The group doesn’t have to listen to your needs. We listen to our Director. She makes us happy to sing together and that’s what it is all about, SINGING TOGETHER the best way we know, under the guidance of the leader of the pack.

I am in charge of my own life, but life has a way of getting in the way of things no matter how hard I plan ahead and how hard I want things to always go my own way. And, although I refuse to stop leaping into the unknown, and refuse to go quietly into the night when it is my time, I am prepared to join with others make something work and sing the songs of life and love.

I recommend that we all can become part of the pack if we want to participate together in something wonderful. Lightening the load of one person makes it easier. Not everyone can be in charge, but we can all work together to make magic happen and things flow smoothly. We can  make beautiful music as a group. We can each take on a task that helps everyone. Divide up the duties to make it easier on any leader. I just think everyone needs to evaluate a group before they join. And if a group you are in doesn’t work for you, that’s okay, too. You just need to decide to leave and Go Your Own Way! Fleetwood Mac, Go Your Own Way

I love you all tonight and hope you are enjoying the garden as much as I am! Stop a moment and smell the flowers, and get ready for planting season!

Corporate America Needs to WAKE UP!

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Or: Why is Corporate America so Ridiculously Stupid?
I have been pondering all of the cutbacks happening right now that affect celebrations of our heritage. People who have never been oppressed (generally, white people) and those that are in power say DEI is discriminatory. BIPOC people say it’s about inclusion of everyone and recognizing that all people aren’t white. I am in agreement with the BIPOC folks. We have never discriminated against the majority of white folks getting a job. Everyone else has to fight every step of the way to make others see beyond the differences. They have to fight their way into the job market, or housing, or other essentials necessary to live in our society.

Cutting back and refusing to give to endeavors that celebrate life and people in all of their colorful display is shameful. Traditional events are still ongoing, and are getting funded from corporations, so why do the people with money think it’s bad news to give funding to events like Juneteenth or Pride festivals? I am asking those who have all the purse strings right now to WAKE UP!

I am asking all citizens to stop being afraid of having conversations regarding how corporations are spending their money. And I am asking corporate CEOs to stop being afraid of those in power (that guy in office) who says it’s not cool to help others who have differences than you, particularly their heritage or lifestyle. Remember that no one who has immigrated to North America at any time was a pure white person. We all have bits and pieces of everything inside and that’s what makes us a great person, and an even better nation! We all have to figure out this fear inside that makes us pull back from our differences. We all have to trust in that Golden Rule and decide that this simple way of living will make you a better person. Here are a few quotes that might help you recognize this:

  • “Do all the good you can, by all the means you can, in all the ways you can, in all the places you can, at all the times you can, to all the people you can, as long as ever you can.” ~ John Wesley
  • “Giving frees us from the familiar territory of our own needs by opening our mind to the unexplained worlds occupied by the needs of others.” ~ Barbara Bush
  • “The highest use of capital is not to make more money, but to make money do more for the betterment of life.” ~ Henry Ford
  • “When we give cheerfully and accept gratefully, everyone is blessed.” ~ Maya Angelou
  • “It is from the numberless diverse acts of courage and belief that human history is shaped. Each time a man stands up for an ideal or acts to improve the lot of others or strikes out against injustice, he sends forth a tiny ripple of hope, and crossing each other from a million different centers of energy and daring, those ripples build a current that can sweep down the mightiest walls of oppression and resistance.” ~ Robert Kennedy
    https://www.azquotes.com/quotes/topics/giving-to-others.html

We need to have conversations about this and other subjects regarding what is right regarding the treatment of others in this world.

David Brooks in his book, How to Know a Person stated that “A good conversation is not a group of people making a series of statements at [emphasis mine] each other….A good conversation is an act of joint exploration….A good conversation sparks you to have thoughts you never had before.”

We all think we are better than others at communicating but we haven’t really been taught how to have real two-way conversations. It is a difficult concept to master and we need to work at being better at listening. We all have something to say on every subject but sometimes it’s okay to get beyond our self-inhibitions and actively participate equally. We must acknowledge the other person in the conversation with respect, but a shouting match is not communicating with each other. Try to overcome what triggers your feelings and think about what is being said by the other person.

We can overcome anything if we reach consensus at what is being said and done in this world. I will never back down on my belief in equality, equity, and inclusion. It’s time to start the conversation once again and unite as a people, defying those in power who will not rise above the madness. And, once again, give a little bit of your time and money to those who participate in the worldwide celebrations of life.

Love to all and enjoy the springtime, including all of us weeds!

Observations on Aging and the Unobtainable

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Or: I’m Allergic to Botox! Having never been in the Most Beautiful Girl in the Room Club, I don’t understand why so many of us women are obsessed with doing everything in their power to look young and beautiful forever. And then, make it our objective to diminish and pick apart the flaws of those who are noticed by a different sex more than we are. Why do we resent this acknowledgement of others’ beauty? Why don’t we women stick together and rally for all of our outer and inner beauty as well as all of our accomplishments? Why do we gang up on those that are either less beautiful, or so beautiful that others turn their attention to them? Why can’t we be happy with who we are at any given moment?

I recently read a series called The Wilder Widows by Katherine Hastings (who is neither a senior nor a widow, by the way). It was a nice light read and allowed me a minute to laugh at these senior and widowed ladies’ adventures and discoveries of who they had become. One of the widows that I found particularly discouraging about her thoughts of what she felt she had to be, and what her life choices were. She believed that she didn’t deserve unconditional love. The character grew up in a poor household and didn’t have anything. She was belittled for her long legs and looks when she was a child and swore she would rise above it all. She became a trophy wife and eventually a Las Vegas dancer. Each year it got harder and harder to keep up with the younger generation and the beauty regimens that include, Botox, or facelifts had begun to fail her. When her husband died, she inherited his wealth and status. She continued to be the life of the party and had many sexual encounters with younger and younger men. But, she hadn’t yet found true love (if there is such a thing). When she finally decided (with the help of her friends) that she could take a chance on a person she loved, she had a hard time with showing him the real person underneath all the spackle. But, like any true love story, it all worked out in the end. She told him her real age, and what was happening to her body, and he took her into his arms and said he loved her and wanted to grow old with her no matter what.

We all obsess over what we should feel and look like. Although the media has gotten better at portraying beauty and joie de vivre in women of all shapes and sizes, there are so many of us that still feel the pain of being the weird, nerdy shy kid (me), or that tall skinny kid (my sister), or that really poor kid, or that fat kid down the street that everyone teased, or that kid who dressed funny because they didn’t identify as a male or female. We didn’t fit into the perceived mold, and felt estranged of what a kid should be (the portrayal of what was a normal kid) at that time.

We all age differently and we have to try and accept where we are at any time in our lives. Sure I can’t keep up with the twenty-somethings, but that doesn’t stop me from exercising. Sure I don’t look like what I did in my twenties, but I am happy where I am at this time in my life. I stopped obsessing on finding just the right outfit and wear what I want. Now, if I could only find the right shoes to make my feet happy, I would be in heaven on earth!

Aging can enlighten us, or inhibit us. If we use it as an excuse because we are afraid to try something new, we miss out. If we fear of being left alone, because our spouse might go before us, we need to embrace the fact that one of us will probably die before the other and prepare ourselves for embracing some alone time. If we have FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) we need to do all the things that we want to do together while we are alive. A friend of mine who became a doctor once said to me: “Currently, there is no cure for aging.” While that is partially true, we should think about the concept that aging does not need a cure because it is not a disease. We have to take that personal responsibility that we will change as we age, and that’s okay. We can focus on what is important at any given time and save the rest for a later date. If our skin gets dry, we use lotion. If we want to keep our hair gray, that’s okay, but a little color can go a long way. If our body hurts more than when we were young, we just do something different. It’s okay to slow down and walk, instead of run. It’s okay to take a day off and rest. And, if we forget names, we keep a journal and/or make lists of things that are important to us. We can take steps to enjoy all the times in our lives. I plan on being that 130-year-old grandma who has a whoop-it-up dance party to celebrate my life. More information on age and aging and other subjects on how to live a great life can be found in my book Discover the Life You Want to Live.

What we look out on the outside doesn’t define who we are on the inside. Everything we do in life and our actions in the world is a part of who we are at any time in our lives. To some women, image is everything. Accepting ourselves the way we are at any given moment is the most important thing we can achieve in life.

David Brooks in his book, How to Know a Person stated that “A person is a point of view [emphasis mine].” He said that “Your mind creates a world, with beauty and ugliness…and you live within that construction….” We all have our perception of beauty and staying young. We can embrace the world at any time if we support each other and respect where we are at any given moment.

I love you all tonight and hope you are having a wonderful night wherever you may be (in time and space!)

Thoughts from the Past and the Greening of America

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Why did my grandmother and aunts sweep the yard and scrape away all of the grass growing there under the huge oak tree? Was it because they were afraid of snakes biting the children or chickens? Was it a form of pest control? Was it to prevent fires? According to southern lore, this was a practice that goes back to the African people, and later passed onto other white farmers. We played and had picnics in the front yard and under that giant beautiful tree for years as children and didn’t think anything of it.

Why Did They Sweep Their Yards?

https://www.hometalk.com/diy/clean/outdoor/q-southern-traditions-why-did-my-grandmas-sweep-their-yards-28112586

And, then came the invention of the riding lawnmower. My father and mother became the Forrest Gump look-alikes, mowing those expansive lawns and fields with their personal lawn mowers. It became a sea of green surrounding our house. They didn’t have to water like we do. My mother became obsessed with lawns, while my father was still the gardener with his flowers and vegetable gardens. Mowing was never a fun job for us kids (push mowers, later gasoline driven, but not automatic, and not riding mowers like my mother had). So, I became more enamored of the gardens.

Why do we fixate on lush green lawns with no weeds? Is a perfectly manicured lawn a reflection of who we are in society and in the universe? Are we trying to compete and/or become royalty? If you don’t love to get your hands in the dirt, and you can’t afford to hire anyone, like the privileged few, the solution is to take a few minutes each day after work, and work on a little piece of your land. Break up your yard in sections, and plant beautiful bushes and flowers. Mulch like crazy and enjoy your labor. I have divided up my yard into sections and each day during the growing season, I take one section a week. It doesn’t have to be an amazing English Garden like you see on the East coast, or in the old kids’ books. We don’t have the climate for that out in the southwest. Plant what works out here. Then, sit with it on your back patio, and enjoy the fruits of your labor. I can be in my happy peaceful place, and sip on a cool drink when the work is done. I know people don’t enjoy outside work as much as I do, but it is such an accomplishment to see living things grow and thrive in our harsh climate.

It is well-known that pesticides aren’t good for people or the environment so I have taken the higher road and not used them. And, yes, the dandelions and thistle bloom like crazy and look hideous in some peoples’ eyes, but I pull out the ones that are in my mulched gardens and don’t worry as much about the lawn. Green is green where green will grow out here.

When the forsythia and lilacs bloom each spring, I think of my father and his amazing green thumb. I don’t have expansive green lawns (and the water to support them) but my plants survive and burst in color each year, I think of him every spring. I was able to enjoy their beauty for a little while this spring before the snow and wind blew off the flowers. And though I hate the crab apples, for a little while, they are beautiful each spring so I won’t cut them down.

So don’t worry about what the other neighbors’ yards look like and don’t try to spray away the weeds and have a perfect lawn. Enjoy the imperfections in your yard as you would in life. Enjoy each other as individuals and don’t compete with something that is not real.

I love you all equally with all of your imperfections. Have an awesome weekend!

A Guide to Adulting: Building Patience and Managing Bills

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The week started out with a woman shouting into my ear on the telephone, causing me to pull the headset off. I was trying to figure out what she wanted. I process out loud, so I’m sure she just thought if she said it louder I could understand her. I eventually got her to stop shouting and figured out who she needed to talk to, but WOW! They heard her in the other room of my office! As I have stated so many times before on this blog as well as in real life, “People, just take a breath, and wait a few minutes!” Have a little respect for those on the other end of the conversation and give us a second to process what you need to know.

I ponder every day about what the underlying factor of our impatience and discontent with the universe is right now. I understand there are too many negative thoughts and actions that are occurring in our world out there, and there is not much we can do about all of them, all at once. But I also understand that anything worth doing takes patience and we can get there one task at a time if we just try.

According to Psychology Today:
“The word impatience is “im” + “patience,” which, on its face, means “a lack of patience.” Patience seems like a substantial thing—a specific mental process. By contrast, impatience is thought to be nothing but a lack of patience. But this gets things backwards: Impatience, it turns out, is a very particular mental and physical process that gets triggered under specific circumstances, and which motivates specific kinds of decisive action. “Patience” is really the shadow term, signifying a lack of impatience.”

It’s important to understand the “seven laws of impatience.” If we go through the steps before we ask someone else help us figure out our problem, we might get there without shouting the poor person on the receiving end.

  1. Impatience is not a lack of patience.
  2. Impatience is triggered when we have a goal, and realize it’s going to cost us more than we thought to reach it.
  3. Impatience motivates us to reduce the costs of reaching our goal, or to switch goals.
  4. Impatience and indignation are a potent combination.
  5. We’re more likely to feel impatient when we have more options.
  6. Impatience can cost us.
  7. Impatience can benefit us.

And as a final note, here are the questions that appeared in the article that we should attempt to answer before we cause grief in others who are trying to help us:

  1. “What is my goal?
  2. What did I think it was going to cost to reach this goal?
  3. What are the additional costs I’m now aware of?
  4. Am I blaming others for these extra costs?
  5. Is it truly their fault?
  6. Is it worth taking on even more costs just to teach them a lesson?
  7. Do I have too many options?
  8. Should I find a way to limit my exposure to new options?
  9. Are there ways to reduce the costs of reaching this goal?
  10. Is it time to abandon this goal?”

Put simply: “Knowledge is power.” The more often you work out a problem and get your own solution, before asking for help, the more tasks you will be able to complete by yourself. You are smarter than you think and mastering something makes you feel good inside as well as accomplished! For more information, go to this article:
7 Laws of Impatience

The second part of this blog is about understanding your spending and how to pay your bills on time every month. I know that websites are hard to navigate sometime, and government systems are old, cranky, clunky and in dire need of renovation, but it doesn’t seem that hard to navigate if you read the instructions a few times before giving up.

It is my hope that all parents teach their children how to do adulting before they move out of the nest. There should be a complete manual for change for adulthood that gets handed out to children before they move out of their parents’ home. For example, one item in the book should be this:
The more we procrastinate on paying our bills, the more they add up until we become overwhelmed. And we must realize that there are consequences to not paying a bill – such as not having, electricity, heat, and water. It’s that slap in the face that should give us a wake-up call to this reality. The current situation we are in at this time makes it extremely hard to make ends meet if we are not the wealthy few. But isn’t it better to slow the credit card purchases down, and sacrifice things such as QVC buying, movies, and Door Dash orders before giving up basic needs such as heat, food, and water?

One of the greatest inventions of all times is a spreadsheet. It’s so easy to put one together. Record you expenses in one column and your income in another column. Subtract what you spend from what you make each month. And don’t forget to add a little bit to your savings every paycheck and place that in your expense column. It will add up and you can then treat yourself to something fun at the end of the year! Watch your credit card spending and know your limits. It’s as simple as that. Find a tutor to help you the first time, or go to your bank and ask them for help. I love the folks at my credit union. They helped me when I first started making my own money. I never had a lot of money, but my Dad taught me a lot of things about money and how to stretch a dollar (Okay I know it’s more these days). Even with these volatile  times, we can persevere and take care of our daily living expenses. Don’t panic yet! We can all get through it if we find the patience.

I love you all on this crazy spring night. Snow is coming!

I Don’t Have Time or Energy for Divas

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RAIN! YES! We worked all weekend cleaning up the gardens and watered everything so of course we got rain! But now I am so happy for it and all the better for those wonderful plants! Flowers are blooming and birds are chirping! We went to Home Depot and bought 10 bags of the $2.00 mulch, 2 bags of potting soil, and 10 bags of raised bed soil. Now we wait. I am excited to plant the vegetable garden when the snow is done (always much later out here, usually after Mother’s Day!) Life is a beautiful thing!

But here’s my soul-searching thought for today:
Why do we put up with divas? The term has become more than the original idea of being an incredible female singer (goddess-like) from the 19th century. According to Wikipedia, “Women are often referred to as divas if they are difficult, temperamental and demanding.” The adoring public has now extended this idea to both men and women. Take a look at all of those reality shows that are on TV as well as what is going on in the political world. I am not a fan of anyone acting out like when I flip through shows like the Bachelor, Bachelorette, or the Housewives. Why do people watch these shows? Why do people pay attention to rich, spoiled people or the people wanting to become them? I understand I am not their target audience, but when it moves out into the real world that is disheartening. These people are not roll models we should strive to become in our world.

A little humility goes a long way. Sometimes it’s okay to just blend in the background and listen to what is going on out there. I don’t need adulation or recognition for what I do every day. I am happy with who I am at this time in my life. Every day, I try to convince others that they are beautiful people and should be happy with who they are right now. They don’t have to act out like a child craving attention. They can be happy with themselves if they just take a breath before they spew nonsense or hate others for their differences. We can all become a little happier each day if we embrace humility and love each other. We can blend into the world and live in harmony if we just become the best person we know how to be. We can shine a light on ourselves when we are good at something and respect others for what they are good at. This can easily be done at the same time. Everyone is good at something. Enjoy those things you love, and help others learn something new every day.

Become the person like those Wilder Widows (so much fun to read this series by Katherine Hastings). Check them out and laugh a lot at their shenanigans. Be like them and have your own adventures with your crazy and fun friends.

So, let’s all just try and take a breath of the rain-cleared air tonight and be happy where we are at this moment in our lives. Let’s have adventures in our own way and love and respect those we come into contact with every day. I love you all tonight. Have a great week!