It’s never good enough. No matter how much you work at something, you feel it is never good enough. Well, I ask you: When is it good enough? Why do we always feel like our best can never be good enough? When is your best good enough for you and for this society?

Recently, I was perusing the web for inspiring thoughts, when I came up with this self-help website and this quote:

It’s not who you are that holds you back – it’s who you think you’re not.

Every day, I search for all those little things that supposedly make me who I am. I try to play big every day (Remember that old adage – Play Big or Go Home?), but some days I just have to choose to play little. And, that’s OK, too. If you start little, then expand, you will soon be playing big. It just takes time.

Our kids constantly hear about doing their best, when in reality, most people expect them to be perfect. That’s when I think about POGE-The Principle of Good Enough. It is an acronym, (originally a software term from Linux). POGE is defined in Wikipedia as is a rule for software and systems design. It favors quick-and-simple (but potentially extensible) designs over elaborate systems designed by committees. Once the quick-and-simple design is deployed, it can then evolve as needed, driven by user requirements. Ethernet, the internet protocol and the World Wide Web are good examples of this kind of design. This kind of design is not appropriate in systems where it is not possible to evolve the system over time, or where the full functionality is required from the start.

Quantitatively, a measure of “good enough” may be assessed by establishing both a tolerance of only one previous iteration of a design; when the metrics converge to or below the cutoff, then the specification has been satisfied.

In other words, make the best damned thing you can of any product (or situation), and call it good enough! Don’t over- or underestimate; do the task at hand.

My very good friend told me a story about a guy he worked for who needed a very simple computer application. The original worker designed such an elaborate project and after many months it still didn’t work. Finally, my friend was asked to take over the project and he had it done and working in about 3 weeks.  The guy was critical of my friend’s app because it wasn’t ‘sexy’ and relatively basic. The boss was ecstatic because he had something that was ‘good’ enough’ and got his superiors off his back.

Once you believe it is good enough, finish it with pride. When you are at a point where you are satisficed, (Satisficing: a portmanteau of satisfy and suffice; a decision-making strategy that attempts to meet an acceptability threshold), move on to something else.

The ultimate key to success (and thus completion of a project) is keeping the right attitude. We learn to maintain a positive attitude in the face of adversity, and we will have the perseverance to achieve our goals. POGE allows us to accept that sometimes simplicity is good and can be valued just as much as something elaborate and not as effective. It helps us keep overwhelming dilemmas in perspective. It helps us stick to a system of doing things that keeps us organized and unstuck. We learn through trial and error how to get unstuck and to find out where to go from the stuckedness (a term I came up with in my book, Discover The Life You Want To Live). We readjust our attitude and get started again.  

I just read Stephen King’s Guns, a Kindle single. He spoke frankly about the Connecticut shootings, and made me re-address my thoughts on gun control. In an earlier blog (January 14^th) I spoke about trying to address safety individually, to teach our children to help each other understand what being safe means.  I also stated that no matter how much the media (and people) scream for more laws and rules, we still haven’t fixed what’s already on the books, and millions of people already own guns or have illegal guns in their possession. The “Let someone else take care of it” doesn’t keep us any safer. One more law won’t change the fact that there are always going to be crazy people out there who want to harm us. We have to talk to our children in a logical manner about safety and how they can protect themselves without the use of guns.

Having said all this (again), I appreciate how Mr. King laid out the facts in his essays. He spoke about pulling his book Rage, not because he had to, but because the kids who came in the classroom with guns used it as an excuse. He didn’t apologize for the book, because it speaks of all that teenage angst and bullying that the shooter kids also went through. He did not think that the book caused them to act like they did, but he stated that “They were unhappy boys who were deeply and psychologically scarred.” He felt that the book could have been a possible accelerant to their already broken states of mind. He took the responsibility to take a potential weapon out of these types of children’s hands.

He goes on to speak of the media being like “drunks in a barroom” and no one making any sense. The sensationalism in news could be fixed, if we could take it back out of the rating system. What happened to the Edward R. Murrows, the Huntley-Brinkleys and the Walter Cronkites? That’s the type of rational, logical news people we need. We don’t need people who spout nonsense just to get ratings. Why can’t we do away with ratings for news? If you say it enough times, does it make it true?

He also spoke of the death toll. While it is indeed a great tragedy (26 were killed) and we continue to grieve that loss, he stated that “The homicides in Chicago last year exceeded 500….107 of them children, some just waiting to get on the school bus….”

Where I agree with Mr. King to change the laws are threefold: strict prisons sentences for those who carry illegal weapons or concealed weapons with no license; to impose a waiting period before they buy them; and require background checks.

Having said all this, I know what the realities are, having worked in law enforcement all those years. Unless the government decides to fund more positions, an agency (of any size) will not be able to get all the background checks done in time before a gun is issued. When the Brady Bill was in full force, we had lots of volunteers, grant money to pay some people, and we still couldn’t get through with all the requests. The result – people bought them anyway. And, there was still no recourse for people buying from each other, just like today. And, there are no repercussions for those who currently own illegal guns, and very few convictions. So, it’s a fantastic idea, but I have a hard time believing that the people will be more protected with a new law.

Finally, Mr. King talked about the media stating we are a Culture of Violence and he goes on to give an excellent argument (and statistics) as to why this isn’t true. Again, if you say it enough times, does it make it true? Where are their facts? We are probably less violent that in the olden days, even with the new games. The statistics just don’t add up when you look at arrests, the TV shows we watch, and the games we buy. (The top-selling game last year was Just Dance 4 for crying out loud!)

The bottom line is this – We must teach our children love and respect – love each other and their families, and have enough respect for them as well as all the other folks they interact with – and that will keep them (hopefully) from going out and shooting them. Teach them about how to live in a society, how to protect others and themselves, and how to deal with emotions that every young and old person feels.

So…..shut off your phone and all of your devices and actually have a conversation face to face – with each other. Don’t isolate yourself from your own family. We have conversation time after school, and at dinner. We learn all kinds of things that are happening in the world. Imagine that!

So, buy this little book, read his essays and think about what he said. It only costs $.99 and the money goes to a good cause – to revive and improve the Brady Bill.

I have been reading Neil Peart’s Ghost Rider (I know…I read the oldest one after the newest one, like I always do). Anyway…it is a hard read in the winter. It’s about dealing with his grief over the loss of his daughter and wife. In the late 1990’s, his daughter was killed instantly in an automobile accident on her way to college for the first time – she was 19. His wife died a year later of cancer, which wasn’t diagnosed until after his daughter’s death – he believes it was from a broken heart. Oh, and his dog also died a year later. For the next two years, he coped by isolating himself for a while, journaling his thoughts, writing letters to his friends (some he hadn’t talked to in years) and riding his motorcycle on very, very long rides (throughout Canada, the U.S., Mexico and Central America).

At first, it seemed strange to me that he escaped away from what he loved (the music) to grieve for his loved ones. I would think the music would soothe his soul. Yet, it was too interconnected to his old self. He talked a lot about how his friends were very supportive, yet there were just things they just didn’t get, and he had to solve it before he could move on. He eventually came back to his drumming and his old friends and bandmates, and reconnected with people he had forgotten about. He also found someone new to love and help him, after grieving for almost 3 years. He married her and created a new self and family. He returned to his music, and Rush is still alive and ticking, and on tour as I write (and are coming to Red Rocks – YEA!). They have been together for 38 years, not just as a band, but as friends.

I’d like to think that I could have friends like that. But, I did have the love of my family when I was down and out last year. When my mother died, I wished that I could have had one more conversation with her, just to let her know that she was loved. Alas, she had no memory of anything, and was very ill. I was also ill and in pain, so I didn’t really cope well. My family tried to understand, and help, but as always, you simply have to work it out in your head. My parents were never what I wanted or expected (Isn’t that true of all of us?), but they were my parents, and, if I wasn’t what they expected, I was who I was. Everyone copes with the finality of death in different ways. It took me 6 months of overeating, no exercise, being sick in heart and mind, and finally surgery, to deal with grief. Neil was allowed to escape on his motorcycle, and exercise (and drinking), yet I had no outlet except food and isolation. I escaped into books and TV, and depression. When I was finally able to forgive myself for not going back to the funeral, or being the daughter I thought she wanted me to be, I started to live again. I stopped eating so much, and began to enjoy the outdoors and my family again. I started cooking, eating better, and created an exercise regime. It’s still hard to juggle things, and I continue to overreact on the little stuff, but I don’t give up, and I’m on the healing road, no longer a Ghost Rider (or Ghost, period). I know that I will never be my old self again, but I can only hope that I have created a much better new self.

I don’t think my family always gets me, but I know they love me. We have to I hope that I can earn respect from them once again. It’s interesting how we cope, whether escaping through travel, exercise (or no exercise), drinking, eating, or simply escapism through books and TV. In reality, we have to figure out where we can go with our grief, where we can make our lives better. We have to learn to love and respect ourselves before we can ask others to do the same. We have to learn what we really are – before we can ask others to get us.

When we love ourselves, we learn to earn our own respect. When we love others, we can only hope that we communicate the love and respect for them, and they will learn to do the same.

There are just some days when the writing sucks. You try and try and try (!!!!Z*^&#$@) to get motivated with your story and it keeps falling flat. So, what do you do? You put on your best Jimmy Buffet flowered shirt, your crazy bedroom slippers, and start humming Banana Republic in your head (No, not the clothing store, guys, come on!). Then, you put on a sweater or jacket. (It’s still winter, after all!) Then…. go back to your journal, of course! At least you can write something fun and not fill yourself with self-loathing. (Thanks, Anne Lamott for that image!) Today, I was stuck on a pivotal point in the main character’s dilemma; how she would express an important message to the people she cared about, to get them motivated to do something. How do you explain something that is in a character’s mind – her mindwork? (Check out my book if you don’t know what that is, by the way.) How do you get that perfect Stephen King moment where the reader just knows what’s going on inside the character’s head? It’s not an easy task. I usually skip over those parts of the book, only to come back and agonize over them a week later. Then, I change it up a bit and describe something she sees, in detail.

Recently, I have been reading Neil Peart’s books about his travels on his motorcycle while he is on tour with Rush. His attention to detail is fantastic. His literary references inspire me, just like his music. I love reading journal-type books. They are so personal and fulfilling. You feel like you get to know someone really well, someone you’ve cared about for a very long time.

So, here goes. Here is my on-line try at describing something that is in my main character’s (and thus) my head:

Snow

Snow falling brings a quiet hush to the world. For a moment your life is suspended, and you watch the world become white in front of your eyes, making it clean for a little while. You watch it pile up around you, enveloping the house, enveloping you. It smells different – fresh and invigorating. And, depending on the time of day, it isn’t just the color white. It’s a bright blue in the daylight, turning purple and pink in the twilight. Snow is an amazing thing. It can get into your head and make you feel cold, and alone. But, it can also inspire you to write, because you don’t want to go out and walk around in it, thus spoiling the pristine state of a covered path. When you do go out and walk in it, you are once again humbled. You are a small being in this vast universe, and your footsteps are just one of many that will take this path.

The path may be only a small group at first, but eventually everyone can choose to take it. Now I can describe what she wants! Voila!

So, I may get overwhelmed at times, but I know there are others like me with the mantra, Infinite Possibility; those that are seeking this same knowledge, aspiring to become that best-selling author (or just a selling author).  So, keep the faith and enjoy the good moments!

Recently, my son’s teacher sent home a note about how the class had struggled with working through a really hard task. She stopped the work and asked them to give her a list of how they could become really good at something. She said they were so excited that their hands shot up and she couldn’t write fast enough. They then came up with an amazing list. I wanted to share this with my readers. It was so inspiring that I put it up on our refrigerator:

 WHAT DO YOU DO TO GET REALLY GOOD AT SOMETHING?

• Practice
• Say it a lot
• Say what you’re doing
• Watch what other people are doing
• Try it again, try it again
• Never give up
• Don’t do the opposite
• Do it for many years
• Join in a team
• Just do it
• Focus
• Never say never

I look at this list every day now when I am struggling with a task. I am amazed every day at the things kids know. Never Give Up! Never Surrender! (Galaxy Quest for all you non-geeks!)

Isn’t that what you always hear from all the advice nuts out there? “That is why you are here.” “That is your God Given(!) Purpose to be put on this planet….”

All my life, I’ve secretly wanted to be a Superhero. I wanted to save everyone from harm, from hurt. I never wanted to see anyone suffer. So, I’d put on my Super suit – OK, maybe it was lime green short shorts and a seersucker shirt (hey, it was the 60’s!). But in my HEAD, I was dressed in a super cool, bulletproof spandex outfit, that fit me tight, and I was drop dead gorgeous!  And, I would always go out and save the world and never get hurt.

Depending on my age, my role model was Laura Ingalls Wilder, going across the west in a covered wagon, living in strange places, working hard, riding horses, and helping those in need. (Actually, I did that – driving out west in a 1973 Toyota Corolla.) Later, I was part of the crew on the Enterprise, a key member with Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock, protecting alien races from harm. Or, patrolling parallel universes as a Time Patrol officer in the worlds of Poul Anderson, or jumping and living in the worlds of Piers Anthony. (That was my police officer years.) I was a combination of Friday and Lazarus Long (Robert Heinlein), a Super spy who had lived a long time and could solve anything. (That was my crime analyst/profiler years.)

I didn’t come to an understanding of how these worlds helped me become the adult I am until this year. All of this reading and fantasizing prepared me for most of my adventures out west, as well as the world of criminals (and writing). I would do it all over, if I could. I would put on the Super suit – OK this time maybe it will be a white button down shirt, black jeans, and some kick-ass boots – and help solve crimes and all of the world’s woes.

I think I’m still working toward finding out what I really want to be when I grow up. All I know is that all of this living has prepared me for why I was put here – for now it’s becoming a good mother to my son.

So, we’ll take our adventures as they come, flying around the world when we can (in our make-believe airplane box), shooting bad guys as Jedi warriors, or just be content to dance, sing and laugh with Elmo (or Bob Marley, Rush, or Queen – he has his mother’s tastes in music). Hopefully, he’ll grow up full of wonder, and seek adventure like I did, and become a Superhero, like me.

What if we had a catastrophic event, so devastating, that over half the population was gone? What would you do?

For a long time, I have been contemplating this possible event and have been trying to wrap my head around it. We are so comfortable in our surroundings that we’ve lost a lot of those survival skills that may keep us alive someday. We want more and more laws and rules to protect us, yet we don’t know how to protect ourselves.

If civilization breaks down as we know it – no TV, cell phones, no computers – how will society break down? Will we all just panic and run in the street, only to be killed instantly? Or would a community buckle down and pull together?

Just recently, I saw a news cast where local authorities were teaching school workers how to defend themselves against an event like the attack that happened in Connecticut. I shouted, “Hooray! It’s about time.” My very next thought was, “Wow! How did we ever lose that survival instinct in the first place?”

I’m no survivalist, but I remember all the lessons that my parents taught me, which I hope I have been passing on to my child. We talked about what happened to the kids, and that it was not like a video game, that it was real. We talked about things we would do it something catastrophic happened in our town. I don’t know how much he learned from this event, but I do know that he is quite the leader, and my hope is that he would think rationally and get his classmates and himself to a safe place. It is also my hope that I could get to him in time and help out.

I am concerned that the people (and the media) are now screaming for more laws and rules that take away another right for the individual. We are now contemplating yet more gun laws when we haven’t fixed the old ones, many non-enforceable, on the books. Is this going to keep us safer? Is this going to keep illegal guns away from criminals? I don’t think so. People want to feel safe, but don’t want the responsibility. This “Let someone else take care of it” doesn’t keep us any safer. We have to strive every day to understand how the world ticks and keep ourselves safe. One more law, (or one more school rule) won’t change the fact that there are always going to be crazy people out there who want to harm us. Taking away guns from all citizens won’t keep them out of the hands of criminals. We need to just take responsibility for our own safety. And, we have to talk to our children in a logical manner about safety and how they can protect themselves.

Yes, we need rules and regulations, but not to the extreme that we are going to pass another school rule about what we can bring for holiday snacks!  Parents can take the responsibility to teach their children what to do and what to eat. They can teach them by doing. They don’t have to rely on one more rule that supposedly protects their children. I am happy that we have changed the lunch room menus to reflect healthier choices, but I am opposed to the thought that we can’t bring an occasional treat to our child for their classroom or for their birthday. Now, I’m not saying that we go to the grocery store and buy a sugary, full of weird ingredients, snack. I’m saying that we have to plan ahead and prepare it – you heard me – prepare a snack. I made a lovely snack for my child – cookies we made together from scratch with healthy ingredients and fruit kabobs. My son’s birthday is near a holiday, so we had a theme. We had a great time making them together – putting monster faces on some of the cookies, decorating the cutout cookies (yes, we did Christmas designs-not holiday neutral designs), and enjoying the moment. And, he loved that his friends enjoyed everything. And, yes, there is some sugar in them, but not the kind and amount that you would have when you buy them.

It just takes a little more effort, but we can all do it. Even if you are a single parent, a working mom (or dad), or just a busy person, you can carve a little time out each day to cook a nice meal, and make a nice snack. It is the best survival skill you can learn. And, it provides quality time to spend with your child. So, turn off the TV and video games, turn up the radio and dance a little dance. Enjoy the moment. Even if the powers that be decide to pass more rules about snacks, you can be proud that you aren’t one of those people who need more rules, just a little life change.

By now, I hope that you are all into the New Year groove, nose to the grindstone and all that. Having been sick the entire time at Christmas, I didn’t post anything, so now I am warming up the fingers (and the brain) once again. I recently read a fantastic book entitled Clockwork Angels, by Kevin J. Anderson from the story and lyrics by Neil Peart. Then, I listened to the music – Rush – of course! Then, I went back through the book. Wow! It’s a wonderful weave about extremes – about total control vs. total anarchy – and a young man learning how to live his life. For you diehard Rush fans out there (you know who you are – admit it!), read this book, listen to the music, read the book again, go back through all the Rush storytelling albums, go onto Neil Peart’s blog, and then buy and read his book Far and Away, A Prize Every Time. It’s so great to know that there are still amazing people out there who are willing to share their lives with you. (I didn’t know Neil Peart liked to cook! Coooool!  Kindred spirit…..Sigh). And, I learned that Kevin J. Anderson lives in Colorado Springs, my old stomping grounds; and I never knew that the whole time I lived there!  It led me to buying a bunch of his books that I hadn’t read before. And, of course this is eating into my writing time. Yeah, I’m back into the groove. (Yes, Sheldon, that is sarcasm.)

Here is a list of things I’ve pondered in my Hallmark Moments:

1.     If a parsley farmer is sued, do they garnish his wages?
2.     When it rains, why don’t sheep shrink?
3.     Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?
4.     If you shoot a mime, should you use a silencer?
5.     What was the best thing BEFORE sliced bread?
6.     Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?
7.     Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
8.     How do you know it’s time to tune your bagpipes?
9.     When cows laugh, does milk come out of their nose?

AND….

10.    When you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?

 Ba Dump Bump.

Nerds used to get picked on a whole lot, so I refused to think of myself as a Nerd, even though I got picked on—except my generation wasn’t called Nerds. We were just called Weird.

Everything we said and did was weird. Well, guess what? All of you people who said we were weird? We are weird, and we’ve taken over! So there…. And…we’re happier than you all.

My California friend told me the other day that I wasn’t a typical woman. His wife didn’t like it that I always sided with the guys to go see one of those wild Action films or Sci-Fi, rather than girlllll movies, so she always had the disadvantage when we were all together. (We’re still friends, so don’t worry.)

I do like some girl things. I bake; I knit; I organize; I go to all the school events for my son. The thing is: I like Legos, reading great books, exercise, walking, and watching action films. I love Science Fiction. It makes my mind expand and ponder the Universe. Who can get enough of the Zombie Apocalypse, and bounty hunters that are witches and vampires? Come on!

My senior water aerobics friends just look at me in that same old weird way that I always got when I was a kid. It’s like that deer in the headlights stare thing when they were doing math. Well, guess what? I like math, too.

All I’m saying is that we have to learn to enjoy all the differences in people that are outside of our element. We can try new things and learn something new each and every day!  I don’t appreciate people who give me that look, but I’ve learned to ignore it and get on with my life. If they start giving me their sad, sob story, I try to listen respectfully, but then I tell them, “OK, it’s time you moved on with your life. Enjoy it while you can.”

I’m not the same person I was 5, 10, or even 15 years ago, but I have learned a lot, and learned to live with whom I’ve become. That’s all I ask of others. Help each other out, but move on!!!!

My new sign to hold up:

NO WHINING ZONE

Happy Holidays everyone!I

Here is a great new story my 7-year-old son wrote and asked me to publish. He has been learning a lot of new words at school and wanted to put them into a story. I hope you enjoy it:

My bug friends like eggs. While the bugs were eating, they heard over the loudspeaker:

“The Bug Gym is now closed until further notice.”

The bugs panicked because it was their favorite place, But, the bugs were so clever they built a rain forest. It was 20 feet high and 100 feet wide.

They went and got their hive and got to work. The were just about to go in the hive when the announcements came on:

“The Bug Gym is now open.”

The bugs were so happy they put the forest in the garage and went to the Bug Gym.”

THE END