Tag Archives: family

Generational Wisdom: How Baby Boomers Can Inspire Change

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I originally wrote and posted this on 2012. I have made a few tweaks but think the message is still clear for us Baby Boomers to WAKE UP and shake and move what we can! We need to get on with our lives in new ways!

And, speaking of baby boomers, I never really thought I was old until I saw Al Sharpton on the TV (2012). I thought to myself, “Wow, he really looks old!” Then, he said, “The first time I was allowed to vote was in 1972.” Then, I said to myself, “Holy crap! That was the first year I could vote!”
Next thing you know, I’m looking at myself in the mirror and see the face of a stranger – no wait! It’s my mother! All of us go through these series of difficulties as we grow older. Some of us embrace the changes. Others just get grumpy and afraid.So when exactly did we get so afraid?

I wrote this dialogue in my book Discover the Life You Want to Live. And even though I published it right after the original blog, I believe it’s still worth the read. It just may explain this fear:
What happened to us?
-I’m used to women who went to Alaska to save the birds when the oil spilled.
-I’m used to women who took martial arts and could defend others and themselves and felt good about it.
-I’m used to women police officers, horseback riders and trainers – women who have their own tools!
-What happened to us? What is going on with the new twitter-tweeters (or X), texters, Facebook, bloggers, Instagramers,  all of those crazy people who rant and rave about things that aren’t real. Why are they staying and home and believing what they hear? Why aren’t they stepping outside their homes to do anything? Is there a gene that says we have to become passive and safe after we turn fifty? I’m at a loss when I talk to women who’ve never tried skydiving, or taught juvenile delinquents how to take care of themselves – how to take responsibility despite the fact their family is dysfunctional – women who could nurture, yet at the same time remodel a house, remake a garden, bake bread, or rebuild a car and have their own all-women’s car club!
-What happened to us?  I’ve been spending time together with savvy women who aren’t afraid to invest their own money even after 9/11. They are the kind of women I want in my life all the time. I don’t won’t the whiners – the poor pitiful me types. That really brings me down. When I go there it makes me sad. I still want to live a productive life even if I have to be alone, which is a challenging thing to do sometimes.

After 9/11 why were we so afraid? (I am also adding after the Covid epidemic in 2019 to this fear list.) Safety became so big – we wanted the government to do something about it but we didn’t want government intrusion at the same time (we’ll do it ourselves except we want you to protect us mentality) was what people screamed. Viagra, Paxil, those things we started worrying about more because the ads told us to worry about these conditions. Red Hat Societies started, but what did they really do? Talk a lot and drink a lot of tea? Come on! Where’s the doing? Ads about body hair and other unmentionables for crying out loud! What’s that all about? Reality TV instead of making our own reality? Cable shows getting better and better than regular channels, but we have to pay for it; elections being about women’s bodies, gay rights, and religion; our rights being taken away each and every day. What happened to all these women speaking up in the 1960s and 1970s? We got old and gave up. We worried about health care, instead.

So now I must shout to everyone: “Bahala Na!” or “Come what may!” I read this in a novel called Lost in Shangri-La by Mitchell Zuckoff. It is about women soldiers surviving a plane crash during WWII. They were on a small island on what is now part of the Dominican Republic. They had to survive their injuries – concussions, gangrene due to severe burns from the plane exploding, all while walking in uncharted territory with little or no food, where no non-native woman had ever been. These were some tough women! Why have so many of us never been exposed to this environment? Oh, sure, we’re weekend warriors; we have running clubs, but have we really ever had to survive like they did?

And yet, there are people out there doing this every day. They are unhoused folks. Yes, perhaps they made bad choices somewhere along the lines. Perhaps they overspent, and then lost their homes and their jobs. Perhaps they were living on the edge and addictions got in the way. But, as things get increasingly expensive for all of us, we need to rethink our finances and try to help these people in our community. We have so much wealth where we are today. I mean wealth as a term for our lovely town, of living standards that surpass any other place; for green and sustainable living; for our ability to buy and prepare foods that have been grown locally and being able to eat out in places that are healthy and actually good for us. And one that makes us above the average income of any other place in the country.

I know, I know, you don’t think you have a lot of money because you have to pay off your house, your college, your kids’ college funds. But there are people who have no savings at all. They live day-to-day. And, if they lose their jobs, they plunge more quickly in debt. They are not the dreaded welfare moms image that the Reagan administration foisted on us. People who sometimes need help genuinely want to work and don’t have jobs, not because they are lazy, but because their job was outsourced. Women our age have a lot more influence than I had in the past. Now is the time to use our leverage.

We cannot encourage our young daughters to buy into the Trad Wife mentality. It will only hurt them in the end. We need to have honest conversations with them (turn off the phones during that time!) and I encourage you to read all about this phenomenon. It is quite disturbing and is simply wrong. This concept is making only one person money because they are listening to her. IT IS NOT REAL! Here are some articles that I found that explain this current phenomena:
https://www.parents.com/tradwife-meaning-and-why-its-controversial-8656603
https://www.newyorker.com/culture/persons-of-interest/the-rise-and-fall-of-the-trad-wife

Most of us didn’t come from old world money. We came from middle class America. Our mothers didn’t wear designer clothes while cooking or were the perfect wives. We came from a generation that taught us how to cook and keep a home, but some of our mothers also worked outside the home to make ends meet. We also learned how to pinch pennies in a time when we weren’t paid very much. We came from a generation where we knew women were underpaid and did a lot of work, both in the home and out of it.

Now, we have an opportunity where we can give back. We can teach our daughters to understand the 1950s family is not real. We can become the mothers and fathers to others. We can become role models to the people who have never had one. We can teach others how to live within their means, no matter how meager it is. We can give others a chance to survive in this world.

Material things aren’t the most important things in life. We can learn this lesson and teach others how to understand that survival and safety come first. If we are good cooks and bakers, we can help others make their own hearty meals. We can volunteer at community centers and kitchens. We can teach them how making their own food makes the house smell wonderful, and they learn how to be a family by eating and cooking together. We help ourselves and others by turning off the devises, and TV to learn how to appreciate what is free in life. We learn to take a good walk. If we grow personally, we get ideas to stimulate growth in others. Ideas escalate to useful concepts for humanity. Only then can visions of paradise become reality.

I love you all and will walk this path with you if you want. Hugs to all on this cold day!

Stephen Wurzel – the Man, the Myth, the Legend

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As we wind up our story, I wanted to first give recognition to Stephen’s children. I talked about his youngest in the last piece and how he worked for NCAR. He actually has a master’s degree in  environmental science, not just “a” degree. He is married to Alyssa and has a beautiful daughter named Cadence who is currently 18 months old. Benjamin, his oldest child, has a master’s degree in student affairs and higher education from Colorado State University. He works as a career counselor at the University of Colorado. Hi wife’s name is Miho (an incredible sushi chef) and Chiyo is his five-year-old daughter.

I asked Stephen to take the Dru’s 14 Essential Questions Questionnaire, and here are some of the tales he gave me: When asked how he learned, he said he reads a vast number of books. He stated that he felt like he was a natural at the healing arts. He likes to talk to people, and also teach others. He’ll go to the Reservoir on a full moon and teach people how to meditate. He learns by just “jumping in” and by sense of touch. He trusts his intuition and can quiet his mind through meditation. Every day he wakes up and sets his intention before he gets out of bed.

When asked what his Code of Life is, he had a simple, yet beautiful answer: “Be open to everything and everyone.” (Mine is a long paragraph. I loved this!)

Stephen’s vision is to “Live in the Now. And live for the Future. Become one with whatever’s in front of you. Go through trying times by keeping your center.” As a former martial artist, I appreciate this sentiment. Our lives seem to center around center, or what the Japanese call Hara. It literally means soft belly, but an extension of the meaning in a spiritual sense is that Hara refers to a person’s true self, or who they truly are as a human being. It’s seen as the unification of a person’s physical, spiritual, and psychological dimensions (Mind, Body, Spirit).

I asked what is the big picture for him? He said, being with his family and friends and having that community connection is the most important aspect of his world. (Stephen works for Sister Carmen to help those in need. He also works with Feed Forward through Unity Church to hand out warm burritos for the unhoused folks in Boulder.) And he runs a meditation class every Saturday morning at the Louisville Recreation Center. How cool is that? I am looking forward to attending this class.

Stephen says his biggest fear is losing his wife. They are indeed true partners in every sense, and he worries about this sometimes. “How do you feel?” is my classic question for everyone. I took it from the Star Trek IV movie where Spock’s mother asked him this question. He literally was dead, was reborn, and taken back to Vulcan to relearn everything. He is only half Vulcan and his mother is human. Since the Vulcans suppress their emotions, he was constantly on the alert. (Okay just look it up!) At the end of the movie, he tells his father to tell his mother: “I feel fine.”

Stephen’s response to “How do you feel?” was “I feel in the flow and have been at peace for fifty years. He feels right now that everything is perfect in his life. He still has to work at it, but it’s like body surfing through life. He told me not to stop at the sand, just keep going.

Finally, I asked him what would his perfect day be? He told me that right now, every day is perfect. But, if he had to pick, his perfect day would be to continue with Soul Massage, and the people that he can work with, walking with his wife, hanging out with his family, and going to the hot springs. How can we get any better than that? Stephen hopes to continue his life by living it spirit-filled, living moment to moment.

“Man is a mystery. It needs to be unraveled, and if you spend your whole life unravelling it, don’t say that you’ve wasted time.”—Fyodor Dostoevsky.
I hope this story inspires you to live your best life and unravel your own mysterious secrets. People are out there listening. It just takes a little effort to find them.

If you are interested in taking the Questionnaire and being interviewed by me, feel free to contact me at dru_tieben@comcast.net. Please do not send any mean/hate emails. I will not respond. Everyone has a remarkable story to tell. I am looking forward to hearing from you. Love to all!

Christmas Collections and Traditions from the Nerd Family-This is Who We Are!

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When I finished decorating the Christmas tree today, I looked at it and said to myself, “Boy or Boy, are we the nerd family or what?” Looking over the ornaments we have collected over the years, here is what I saw:

Lots and lots of Lego ornaments (assembled lovingly by all of us over these last few years);
A Wall-e figure (that talks);
A Tardis (yeah, you know what I’m talking about); and,
Many cute, framed pictures of Kiddo (from 2-year-old karate days to pre-teen years-what a ham;
Lots of lots of Weiner Dogs-and some have on pajamas! Too funny!

And the nerd of all nerd ornaments that we have saved for many years but didn’t put on the tree this year: An entire Rubbermaid storage box of spaceships (Star Trek and Star Wars).

So now is the time to bring out all your fond memories and decorate your tree in your own nerdy way! It’s our fun family tradition where we don’t fight much and enjoy each other a little bit.

Make your own version of the 1950s classic Chex Mix in your own way and enjoy a big bowl, sitting around the tree! I love you all and hope you have a great holiday season creating your own fond memories with your children and grandchildren around you.

Classic Christmas Music, Cookies, Decorating the Tree, and Construction

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December should be the time of year where you focus on everything Christmas, right? Unfortunately, we still have projects to do and mile(stones) to go before we sleep(finish)!

Here is how I balanced it today: Contractor came in and put in both the outside doors. Having bought them almost a year ago, it was time…. Took almost all day. We had to do the cleanup, and I will have to trim and paint later. One more thing on that list.

Went to the grocery store. Not too many people at 3pm in the afternoon!

As for the Christmas, the lights on the outside are all strung and working (Thank you David!)

Today, we put on the classic Christmas music, put up the tree, and finished decorating it. Kiddo helped and it looks beautiful.

The never-ending list narrowed down to December:

Finish putting storage boxes back down (where doors were stored) to take the tree down afterwards.
Decorate all the Knick knacks on the tables and hang the stockings on the mantlepiece.
Finish baking cookies and bread.
Distribute said baked goods to family and friends.
Wrap presents.
Make dinner (and repeat every day!).
Make breakfast (and repeat every day!).
Make lunch (and repeat every day!)
Contractors coming in to fix things that the dishwasher installers broke…. (a story unto itself-heavy sigh)
Finish painting closet doors.
Senior choir concerts next two weeks. Help with setup.
Bake and prepare for the senior choir potluck on the 27th.
Get a walk and swim in sometime during the week!
Read and Write and Post.

So, I’m a little tired today. I am continuing to make lists so that eases my brain a little bit. I’m trying not to explode on loved ones. The point of this writing exercise is to let you know that you aren’t the only person who has an overwhelming list. Take one task at a time, love the moment you are in, and just remember that I am with you 100%. Take a break in the evenings. Have a good dinner and binge watch Interior Chinatown Season 1 and get as confused as we were! Thank you, Taika Waititi for being your usual self!

Laugh a little, love a little, and forgive those who dun you wrong and forget about it in your next phase of life.

Love and hugs to all y’all!

Old-Timey Lessons from Grandma and Great Aunt Helen-Once More into the Past

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My mother’s family was a living history lesson for me when I was young. I would listen to Grandma, Great Aunt Helen, and all the various cousins who would show up at Aunt Helen’s little house for lunch conversation and a good old-fashioned quilting bee. She had moved in with my grandma years ago since she was alone and unmarried. So once a month they would walk across the road and return to her old house where the dining room was converted to a quilt room. They placed a big wooden frame and sat around it. The frame had quilt backing and batting already attached to it. The design patterns were intricate, created and drawn on old newspaper. The material came from fabric that they saved from all the homemade clothing they made for their families.

The women would start a round robin conversation of “Remember when…” and I would absorb all their knowledge of the past. The old iron was on the lit wood stove in the kitchen, an ironing board beside it. It was so hot it was like a sauna in there. They would later get an electric iron. My job was to help cut out and iron the patches. When the quilts were completed, they were passed out to the various families who needed one. Grandma and Aunt Helen showed me all the quilts that were stored in a trunk. These quilts had been handed down for hundreds of years. Some were worn, but others were immaculate. Today, I still have one of them. It was my bedspread for a long time, until I stored it in a sealed container.

I also remember watching them make their own medicines, some of them nasty looking concoctions. These elixirs were supposed to help cure all ills, but sometimes I thought these potions were just a way for Methodists and southern Baptists to drink alcohol.

Grandma and Great Aunt Helen boiled their clothes in a big iron pot until they got a washing machine, the crank kind. My mother’s family was the first to have electricity and all the new appliances that ensued. Her Daddy bought them a generator until he had the house rewired, and the appliances were on the screened-in back porch.

Years later, I would shake my head in wonder at the wiring that would be deemed unsafe now. They were strung on the walls that had no insulation. The outlets were filled with plugs, reminding me of the house in the movie A Christmas Story (with the exception that their house was only one floor). However, I knew they didn’t get indoor plumbing (and that is yet another story).

Grandma and Great Aunt Helen also made lye soap in those same iron cauldrons. This is what cleaned all their clothing and bodies as well. They always sang these little songs when they worked. My grandmother fancied herself as somewhat of a healer. She always had woven ropes of dried herbs and added them to soaps and her medicinal concoctions. The aunts would stir that stuff over the fire and sing or recite some type of poetry during this time.

I decided that these songs came from the old ways and were some type of incantations. They cast a spell, and they made the healing potions. They continued their traditions, bringing these songs from the old country. I think my mother would be appalled to know how much these old aunts knew. Years later, after my Great Aunt was gone, my family tore down her house and collected some of the furniture, the old jars and siding for artists and collectors.

While they were digging up those old blue mason jars outside, I scoured the inside and found an old wise woman’s words in a little diary with the word Receipts embossed in gold on the front cover. It contained recipes (receipts) and many transactions from selling their concoctions. I loved the way they wrote – spidery cursive handwriting, the ink fading to a sepia color.

I wish I had been old enough to ask the many questions I have in my brain today, about what they did with all those potions and lotions. I’d like to believe that they were true old-timey healers and helped those in need when times were tough. While I don’t have the gift of creating physical potions, I continue to write soothing and informative pieces in hopes of healing the psyche.

Today, I ask everyone to just be well and at peace. Be kind to each other and have a wonderful rest of the week!

Lessons from Childhood: Embracing the Good and Bad

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Sometimes I wish that I had taken the time to write down all the stories about my eccentric and interesting relatives. My mother and father told me some of our rich history, and yet I only remember bits and pieces. That’s why I’m taking this time to dredge out memories from my past and write them down. I want to leave these stories with my child where I came from versus what my story is right now. I worry that I won’t meet up to his expectations, but at least he will know who I am, the good, the bad and the ugly of it all.

When I was home that last time, at my father’s funeral, my mom wanted to show me our old, covered bridge, the one we drove through to go to school every day. So, we walked down that long, dirt road. She also wanted to show me our favorite summer fun place. The covered bridge looked good. It had been restored and blocked off to traffic. The creek and river, however, were incredibly overgrown and polluted. The road did not go through the bridge anymore. The state had fenced it off and rerouted cars to a concrete bridge that crossed the river further down. We spent many hot summers down here my mother told me. All the kids would float on those old yet still inflatable truck inner tubes down the river.

I told her I remembered our two older boy cousins driving down to our house in their old pickup truck, honking the horn for us to come with them. The inner tubes were piled up in the bed and we would climb up and sit behind them. Then, they would fly back down the narrow dirt road as we bounced around in the back, screaming all the way up and down that hill past their house. Tires screeching, they would whip around at the covered bridge and park on the side of the road.

My mother laughed at the picture I painted and told me how I ran after them if they didn’t pick me up. We all loved the older cousins, and they took me everywhere, especially when they rebuilt that old red convertible. (Everyone knew about the beloved and fully restored, red convertible (and that is a story for another time).

Little did my mother know that I often ran down to the little creek that we called the spring on those long afternoon days that were so hot and muggy. It wound around and merged with the big creek that flowed under the old, covered bridge. It scared me to go there by myself and at the time, it seemed so far away, and yet I craved that solace. There were lots of water moccasins swimming in the depths, but I avoided them and never got bitten by one. Once I got there, I would pull off all my clothes and jump in to cool off, frogs and snakes scattering, birds squawking.

As we walked home at dusk, the whip-poor-wills started up, and this would be the sound I remembered, one that lulled me to sleep each night in my childhood.

Today, I regret not being able to say goodbye to my dear mother in person one last time. She died six years after my dad, but I couldn’t make it back home. She had so much influence over me, and I have accepted the good and bad of both my parents’ teachings. I try to hold onto the good parts, and I have forgiven all the bad parts.

I know that my childhood was my innocent time. I had everything that I needed. I cared about the entire world, especially the war (Vietnam), or the politics and racial tensions, but knew I couldn’t do anything about it. I would read the newspapers and books and learn about all of this, and draft essays about all the injustices for school papers, but I always dreamed of faraway places, both on earth and beyond. I looked at the stars every night from our porch until my mom called me inside. I thought to myself: “That’s where I’ll be someday. I’ll make a difference!” (I haven’t made it into space yet, but I can still dream!)

I have tried to take my good childhood memories and blend them with adult memories to make a better life for my family and me. I have embraced change yet cling to the lessons that were given freely to me. My unbidden advice is to take the wins of your earlier life lessons and let go of the rest. Embrace the future in a positive way, no matter how bleak it looks. Remind yourself that you are alive right now. Be happy, appreciate your life the way it turned out, and spread love to the universe. We never know what’s ahead of us, but we can try to have those daily moments of peace and kindness.

Hugs and Love to all.

In Search of Ancestry – Are We Just Boring People?

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People are fascinated with ancestry for many reasons. We are instinctively interested in history and our ancestors are our personal history. We can connect with our ancestors’ stories throughout history to learn about our origins. Personal stories give most people a sense of belonging to a particular community. And if it leads to interesting people and their accomplishments, we feel excited and important in the world which contributes to our sense of identity. Finally, with the rise of genetic testing, some people are motivated to explore their ancestry through DNA analysis to learn about potential genetic traits and origins.

People look to their ancestors for guidance, or to find patterns and explanations for their own lives. For example, they want to know if their talents or traits have precedent in their family history. Some people view learning about their family history as a moral endeavor, and a way to learn from their ancestors’ actions. In the past, some people used their family’s lineage to justify their social rank. 

In 2022, the New Yorker published an article titled, “Our Obsession with Ancestry Has Some Twisted Roots” by Maya Jasanoff. She stated that the largest archives of genealogical documents in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints vault. The vault is the largest physical archive of ancestry in the world. It is located east from Salt Lake City toward the Wasatch ski slopes. “Several concrete arches open into the face of a mountain. Behind doors designed to withstand a nuclear strike, through tunnels blasted six hundred feet into the rock, in a vault that’s another seven hundred feet down, lies a trove stashed in steel cases: not bullion or jewels but microfilm, millions of reels of it. They contain billions of images of genealogical documents, an estimated quarter of all vital records on earth.”

The article pointed out that before the print and digital eras, genealogical records overwhelmingly resided with religious and kin-based authorities. From the doctor’s office to the passport office, ancestry inflects the social, material, legal, and medical conditions of nearly everybody’s life.

The article pointed out that “Origin stories provide collective accounts of where ‘we’ come from, but they also help some lineages claim power over others…. Ruling dynasties often boasted of sacred or supernatural ancestors.”

Today, web sites and sleekly packaged DNA kits are available for the public. The initial rise of current interest in learning about our past came from our isolation during the pandemic. The interest has created a huge database of information for both medical research as well as law enforcement. This public knowledge of our personal information can be good or bad, depending on the use.

My thoughts are that even though I am in the system due to my law enforcement career, I am not sure if I want this same system to have every single piece of data regarding my background. With the current political environment, who knows how this data will be used in the future?

I’m probably not related to anyone famous or royal blood, or whatever matters to others out there. I probably have very boring ancestors, and that is okay. And do I really want to know about all the evil my ancestors have wreaked on society? I really believe that it is how we make our mark in the world today that matters. So be kind to both interesting and boring people. If you choose to know more about your past because you want to understand your roots, and it doesn’t reveal everything you hoped for, know that you are who you are in this present moment, unique and a contributor. Continue to be that loving person that you are, no matter what your past reveals.

For more information on answers to why we are fascinated with ancestry see the Question of the Week from McMasters University from a 2019 post:

https://alumni.mcmaster.ca/s/1439/16/interior.aspx?sid=1439&gid=1&pgid=8211#:~:text=Humans%20are%20instinctively%20interested%20in,our%20lives%20in%20the%20present.