Tag Archives: life

We Are All Superstitious Beings

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Why do we create rituals? is it something that will help us succeed, or to ward off evil? Why do we insist that the various versions of a supreme being is the answer to everything? Is it because we just want to feel in control over everything in our lives? I have been contemplating for a long time the dilemma of believing in something that just isn’t real. I have been ruminating about these beliefs that people (and large organizations) want to enforce on all others, something that just makes most of our lives worse, not better.

I feel especially concerned when I am confronted by people that embrace a crazy rigid belief system that their ancestors and families passed down and enforced on them as children and insist on changing another person’s life choices to fit into what they think is right for you.

In his book All the Wild that Remains, David Gessner stated that his friend, University of Colorado professor, Dr. Reg Saner (1928-2021), considered himself a realist, not a romantic. Dr. Saner once wrote in an essay, “God is the single worst idea human beings ever had.” And he told Gessner in an interview: “Christians have often behaved worse than Murder Incorporated.”

And, Woody Allen once said about God: “If there is one, he’s a terrific underachiever.”

Religion in many derivations has been around a long time, and as civilization evolved, so did its grip on humans. Even when unknown and outrageous statements made people afraid, the people still believed. Powerful religious wars broke out and people of all shapes, colors, and beliefs, were tortured, because they didn’t believe in whatever the people in power believed and refused to bow down to the ones in control. The kings and oligarchs, with the help of powerful churches, wanted power and political advantage over the masses. So what better way to create mythic heroes who did battle for a god, slaying those who would disagree and fight back for their values and rights. Oppression has never worked.

According to Wikipedia, the word superstition is used to refer to a religion not practiced by the majority of a given society regardless of whether the prevailing religion contains alleged superstitions or to all religions. Definitions of the term vary, but they commonly describe superstitions as irrational beliefs at odds with scientific knowledge of the world.

In a 2025 PsychMechanics article, the author stated that: “Once a superstition gets planted into a person’s mind, he collects ‘proofs’ to bolster his belief. Unless he questions his superstitions or is forced to question them, he may carry them in his psyche all his life.”  https://www.psychmechanics.com/why-people-have-superstitious-beliefs/

In a 2024 study published by Scientific American, it was suggested “…that very few people show a complete lack of superstitious beliefs or practices. So why do we remain superstitious, even though it is clearly irrational and could lead us astray? It turns out superstitions may provide certain psychological benefits.” We used these beliefs as defense mechanisms and they are a self-serving bias. We believe it gives us control over the unknown.

So my thoughts are this: Tradition and traditional values aren’t necessarily a good thing. We should learn from our past mistakes and evolve as a people and create a more civil society, where everyone’s opinions and point of view matters. We should stop the hate. We should hold our judgement of others because their values differ from ours. We should strive to create a society where there is not just one big guy in the sky (or office) and embrace that everyone is different. When our defense mechanisms take over, we tend to lash out to those that are different from us. We take the gospel of a religious bible too literally, and it has been used to justify many evil doings. It is simply a collection of myths and tales, just like any other book, written over centuries where life evolved and changed.

And we still haven’t learned that everyone is different from us. We are unique individuals and should be treated fairly no matter what another person believes. Sometimes, we just have to understand that oppression is prevalent in our society today. It would be great if we had folks like the ones on the TV show Leverage who can right the wrongs and the benefactor always wins. Alas, most things in the real world do not wrap up neat and tidy like an hour-long TV show.

So, having said all that, I want to get to the meat of the matter. I just wanted to state that for all of these reasons given, that’s why prayer doesn’t work. It is superstition with a set of rules. I know it makes you feel better if you tell me “I’ll pray for you,” but that is not the answer to the worlds’ ills. Your selfless actions and the sciences are the answers to help anyone in need, not prayer. A make-believe external all-knowing being does not save or cause things to happen. You as a human being, cause things to happen, whether through your actions or in-actions. If you can embrace and understand this, you are a better person for it, and you will do the right thing to help others who need help without the attachment or a fake being.

I know I will make a lot of you folks unhappy with this post, but all I am asking in this blog post is for you to stop praying for me, stop the prayer hand emojis, and stop quoting things from your bible to me. It makes you happy because you want everyone to comply with your beliefs. But it becomes an extremely uncomfortable conversation if I defend my position to you because you don’t want to listen to another person’s point of view. You want me to believe what you believe and I simply don’t and never will. It is my right and privilege to be the person I am trying to be.

Each time I encounter these conversations, I take great steps to let you be who you are, but you don’t have the courtesy to do the same. So, just stop before you start. Thank you.

I love you, faults, and all, but let’s just let everyone be themselves every day that we live!

Riding the Biggest Wave

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It’s almost summertime and images of those amazing surfers riding the big waves always make me dream of Hawaii. Although I am not a surfer I loved watching the locals master the biggest waves I’ve ever seen. Even the littlest kids were better than I could expect to be, but they get to go out every day and practice since they lived there. When there was a surge, school would let out and they were there on top of those crazy waves. Their skill set is something that we could all learn from to plow through all of the discontent and uncertainties in our lives.

Surf culture dates back at least 1500 years. I always thought those free-spirited folks had such a carefree life, with a knowing that it could end at any moment in a rush of turbulent water. There was fear, but they continued to conquer the inevitable. It is a culture of human versus water, as well as human versus other humans. There was always strife on who would dictate the local areas, warding off all those they didn’t consider royalty or a different tribe. And yet, their culture created a community that helped each other, from the food they ate to the surfboards they would make. The best surf spots were guarded secrets to the outsiders and they taught each other how to pick the right wave for the ride. They had mad skills in learning how to stay on top.

Each day so many of us choose to ride the wave that has been given to us and yet we could be that rogue warrior that goes off on their own despite the risks. We could learn from this counterculture by riding the wave that helps us postulate carefully about the facts that are given us. We can be the people who love and respect each other and do not blame everything on poor people. We can decide that everyone deserves a chance at the table, no matter who they are. We can be the people who accept differences and not worry about where we came from. We can be the people that takes care of each other. We can stop comparing ourselves to those who have more money. They will be who they will be, and we can’t change them. We are on a biological clock and human life is limited. So, why don’t we live our lives helping others instead of hoarding and having the mentality of I got mine and I’m gonna keep it? Live a comfortable life as you age, but help those in need with your personal wealth. Stop worrying about everything else, and turn off the TV and your phones for a little while each day. We can’t keep money and treasures after we die, no matter what the bazillionaires believe. We don’t need more to be happy. And just like the oceans, life is full of differences and mysterious beings. Let’s embrace them all and have some fun doing what we love with what we learn every day.

Love to all on this crazy, rainy night!

Angry and Out of Control

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Or: The only perfect people are in the cemetery.
“The graveyards are full of indispensable [people].”—Charles de Gaulle

The other day, I talked to my friend who had a visit from her grandson’s wife and great-granddaughter. The young one was so out of control, talking back to her mother that my friend became upset. The kiddo kept saying she didn’t have to apologize or do anything they told her to do. She’s 9 and already at that teenager angst! My friend was very upset and got angry with her. She caught up with her, grabbed her up and told her under no circumstances was that behavior allowed because this was her house. My friend sent her out of the room and she slunk back in later, never really apologizing to her mother. It was sad to hear that. My questions about this ridiculous behavior are: “Were we all like that at that age or were we older when teenage angst overtook us?” And “Why aren’t we teaching these kids to be humble when they are in the wrong?” And one more: “Is it a discipline issue or is it a sign of the times?

Children go through all kinds of crazy emotions and love you and hate you at the same time. It’s up to you as a parent and grandparent to weather all the storms, and try to make the winds of change flow over you instead of right at you. If we get angry with our children we’ve proved their point. So the hardest thing to master as a parent, grandparent, or great-grandparent is this: Don’t get angry, just let them fume in another room. Then, re-visit them when they’ve thought about it. They will be pre-teens and teenagers – that is a human’s life cycle.

Adulting is hard work but you have to teach your children how to get there and accept responsibility for themselves, the good and the bad. Don’t enable them by letting them blame you for all their woes. Parents aren’t perfect, but they try to do the best they can with the knowledge that have been given or have learned themselves. If we have taught our children well, they will pass on that knowledge to their children. It’s hard, but we have to realize that when children find that they can punch your buttons and you give them ammunition, you allow them to place the burden on you as the parent. You have to be brave and let them make mistakes, hopefully, not life-threatening, by telling them what’s inappropriate. It is up to the child to learn over and over again how to make their life better and not blame their parents and grandparents. Give them the foundation, but let them go when they need to be on their own. Be there when they need you the most. But also, don’t expect a child to change if they haven’t had the background of loving parents who don’t teach them how to deal with the frustrations of life. You learn from each other, but you hope they learn to be a better person than you are. That is the goal of parenting.

In his book, All the Wild That Remains, David Gessner stated that personalities develop through a dose of nurture and a dash of nature. Gessner wrote of the life of Edward Abbey and Wallace Stegner. They had hard childhoods, but persevered and became better human beings as a result. Gessner stated that Stegner believed that individuals have a hand in their own fashioning. “He held onto this conviction his entire life, frequently using what would come to seem dated words like will and determination.” They overcame the hardships of their childhood.

Today, we look at the children who are acting out in public to those who didn’t harm them, and it embarrasses many of us. Perhaps they were more privileged and didn’t get the nurturing they needed as children. Perhaps getting likes solves their need to be loved. We just have to keep explaining to them that all of that is not real. It’s more important to make changes in writing to those in charge. Tiny little cogs in local government can’t solve everything, but if enough people write and attend local meetings, things can change for their neighborhoods. Shouting and filming local police and council members doesn’t help. Persuasion using the written word and great public speaking will change things. Think about it: Does shoving a camera into someone’s face change anything? Sure, you might make them uncomfortable for the moment, and you might even get arrested. But think about all of the other people watching what you are filming. Think about how you are making them uncomfortable. And they may support that opposition because of your actions. Those that vote see your behavior as an attack on an individual (even if they are truly horrible to their constituents). You may not like those buffoons who are spewing information that has no basis in fact because they are following the party line and that guy in office, but have you really made a change in that person? Only reading what is being done, fact checking information that is being given to you on reliable sources, and voting for someone who cares about all people will create a wind of change. So young people, stop sitting on the sidelines or filming stupid acts! Get out there and vote and create relationships with a new driving force! Enough said.

“Order is the dream of man, but chaos is the law of nature.”—Henry James

I love you all and try to flow like me with the winds of change every day that you are alive!

I Yam What I Yam

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Or: You Cannot Keep Ignoring the Truth
Popeye said it so succinctly that we are who we are no matter what others think of us. With all the Pride parades and parties coming up, I want to return to a subject that the rednecks (male and female alike) of the world have latched onto because of that guy in office. Why are you so worried about others whose identity doesn’t match up to what your expectations are? Why are you afraid that others who can be incredible and yet different from your perception of reality?

And you women out there who are so loud and obnoxious and sooooo terribly wrong in these matters, ask yourself: Why do you fall into line because a ridiculous man is telling you what you think and what you should do? Are you that privileged that you don’t see the pain of others when you belittle those who are unique in their own ways? Why are you threatened by this?

Blaming DEI (Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion) on everything that is happening is just wrong. We had come a long way before the buffoon started telling us what to think. Women, get it together and change this! Teach your children (especially your male children) to respect women and diverse people. Stop agreeing with this nonsense and support your community – those who are alike and different that you. DEI isn’t a bad word. It promotes:

  • Educator Growth: Professional Development, Training, Hiring Practices.
  • Classroom and Climate: Culturally Responsive and Inclusive Practices and Curriculum.
  • Student Belonging: Identity, Empathy, Inclusion.
  • Community Cohesion: Parent/Guardian Education and Involvement, Town Partnerships.

I grew up in an era where if you weren’t a white Anglo-Saxon male, your voice meant nothing. Have we completely returned to this way of thinking? And, if so Why? Everyone is unique and have made it so far in this world. Hating someone for being of a different race, a different gender, for what they believe, or even how they dress and identify is just wrong. We have to return to loving kindness for all and if that is what it means to be woke, then count me in!

“Everyone deserves to live free from hate, fear, and violence. We cannot free ourselves from hate if we don’t identify and acknowledge it when it happens. What is typically included in ongoing reporting is just as important as what is left out – the voices of individuals who experienced incidents of hate.” AND:
“Today’s political climate is highly charged. From white supremacist and anti-government movements coalescing and moving more into the political mainstream, to conspiracy theories circulating online, to the amplification of hate by public officials. We refuse to let the loud volume of a few define us.” https://civilrights.org/value/fighting-hate-bias/#

For more information on this organization and what else you can do see:
https://civilrights.org/blog/

So all I am saying is stop the patter of malcontent and learn to accept that not everyone is like you. Embrace all those who differ from you, even if you don’t always agree with them. Make life a little easier for yourself if you choose your battles and words with others.

Get outside, enjoy the beautiful days, and have a heart full of love tonight! Love to all who are trying to do their part every day they live!

Reflections on Defining Our Identity and the War to Come

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“Identity is an entirely made-up construct, formed largely based on stories other people tell you about yourself.” – Veronica G. Henry, The Canopy Keepers

There are many books in this series, but I encourage you to at least read this first one: The Canopy Keepers

You learn many things about yourself from your family’s stories before you establish who you are. But when you make a decision to go the path you are destined to take, you may counteract all of those stories they have given you in all the years you lived with them. You break out of the mold and become the person you were supposed to be.

If you spend any time with the Buddhist monks, they might ask of you “Who are you?”
I once met and hung out with some amazing monks from China back in the 90’s. I was at an event in Northern California and later at the person’s house who housed them for the time they were visiting. There were a few older ones and a lot of young ones. The older ones appeared to be so very wise and my skeptical self said whether it was a con or not, I listened to what they had to say. And for a while, I felt at peace. They weaved red ropes and gave me a necklace to wear to ease my pain. For a while, I was at peace.

It was the younger monks, though, that just surprised me and made me laugh and enjoy their shenanigans. They went shopping at the local stores, bought sunglasses, baseball caps, and Pepsi. I couldn’t believe how much of that stuff they consumed while they were there. These kids were able to step out of their serious world to a moment in time where they could just be teenagers.

There was a time when I identified with the era of dragons and dragon queens, of Celtic Lore and the powerful belief in magic. I researched the Power of the Myth with Joseph Campbell and read everything I could get my hands on from fantasy authors such as: Marion Zimmer Bradley, particularly The Mists of Avalon, Anne McCaffery, especially the Dragonriders of Pern, Andre Norton, and later Robert Jordan, to name a few.

This powerful connection to the lore of the past made me appreciate the connection to the earth and how we treat it. Reading these books also prepared me for an appreciation of the old world and later to western civilizations and exploration. It led me to debunk the glory of the cowboy and appreciate those that were here before the insurgence of people that didn’t understand the land. I read all of the greats, such as Wallace Stegner, Edward Abbey, Reg Saner (CU professor-Look it up!), and now David Gessner. Their powerful words led me to an understanding of why I am here and not on the east coast. It led me to an understanding of the things that I still want to do in life to preserve what we have, while trying to help people understand that we are the interlopers and should be humble in the presence of those that came before us out in the west. It led me to meeting interesting native peoples and learning how they lived their lives. It led me to a teacher who gave me perspective on their thoughts and ways of life. And finally, it led me to some understanding of how we must continue to protect this wild west at all times, against anything that is thrown at it from crazy corporate schemes. I picked my battles based on what I can do at the time. One day at a time.

There is a war brewing and when it begins, history will repeat itself. “When a war begins, history is quick to tell us who made the first strike (Veronica Henry, The Canopy Keepers, p222).” However, it is not really as clear as Sylvester Stallone’s classic “They drew first blood.” The war brewing outside of us needs to be channeled into what we can do to save democracy, and to save to world. But we must first quell the war inside us and take a stand, unclouding our judgment and creating a better world for us and all of the oppressed.

The war within us helps us define who we are and what we need to do. Parents and grandparents always seem to think they know best, but it’s not true. They can give the foundation for a good life, but it is up to their offspring to discover who they truly are and where they can do their very best in the world. You can have the most experience in the room, but sometimes you have to see a new way of doing things.

Old knowledge can get in the way when you think you know all there is about a subject. So I am asking all of you to listen to all points of view, even when you believe it is wrong, and stop waging the battle inside. Find a way to come up with solutions where we can work together and all wind up at the center of the universe, not as individuals, but together, in harmony, working towards keeping all people free and protected from injustice.

So I am asking everyone to think about who they are and why they are here. I am asking everyone to take a leap beyond what our parents thought we should be. Become that person beyond the perception of your parents, grandparents, and coworkers think you are. Be a responsible homeowner, parent, chief cook, and bottle washer. I am asking everyone to get involved and keep this beautiful land habitable. I am asking everyone to pick one cause that keeps cruelty at bay. Saving democracy and peaceful cohabitation is the right thing to do with our lives.

I love you all on this beautiful rainy Colorado evening.

Every Wrinkle Tells a Story

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Or: Love and Respect through the Ages
WRINKLE: A small furrow, ridge, or crease on a normally smooth surface, caused by crumpling, folding, or shrinking; A line or crease in the skin, as from age; a clever trick, method, or device, especially one that is new and different;
a problem or imperfection; a fault
WRINKLY: adjective wrinkly; comparative adjective wrinklier; superlative adjective: wrinkliest-having many lines or folds.
Urban dictionary: A cute old person

So I haven’t posted since Mother’s Day and life has once again gotten in the way of my pursuit for harmony and peace. I broke my rib and it was a road that I had not wanted to take, and a painful one to say the least. I still hate emergency rooms and hospitals in general, and hope to never go back! Needless to say, the old part of me felt it. Although I am recuperating fast, I have learned something about paying attention to the little things in life, such as not carrying a ton of things in my hands while walking down the stairs! Knees don’t always work the way we want them to. From now on, one hand on the rail at all times. You don’t realize how much you must pay attention to little things as you age in order to live another day.

Having said all that, I feel like I am slowly accepting help when I need help, though I grit my teeth and chastise myself for putting myself into that situation. I appreciate my spouse, and forgive all his grumblings. I hope he understands everything that I do all the time during the day now that he has had to do it. I hope he appreciates me as much as I appreciate him every day.

He was a life saver in my grand scheme of the garden. This weekend, we weeded (thistle is my nemesis!), planted flowers and bushes, and planted some of the vegetables, except for the tomatoes. They are still in pots. The rain has been both wonderful and crazy. I love the green, but not the weeds! The raised beds have been a fantastic addition since I don’t bend as well right now. We’ll see what comes up!

I have been thinking about all the wrinkles that have come up in my life, especially since I now know that I am not invincible (I KNOW! Harsh reality sets in permanently!) Every day I try to have a positive attitude about these life lessons. I look at my physical wrinkles as an accomplishment, not one that needs to be faded away with all the expensive cremes from late night advertisements. I look at each one with love, and thank them for allowing me to be here a little longer on this plane of existence.

Wrinkles in life happen and that makes us grow. Sometimes we take a new direction each time there is a wrinkle in the road, and sometimes it is a better path. And sometimes we re-live our mistakes in our heads too many times and forget to take the new fork in the road. When we can resolve a current problem, we can move forward to the next phase in our life and accept that things are always changing. We have to drive around and as we process old blockages, we move forward.

If we can focus on the good even in the overwhelming chatter of the bad things out in the world, we can finish our work – the work that we were put on this earth to do. If the negativity begins to give you more wrinkles, try and take a step back and fix the problem that is disrupting your journey.

Try to read more about love and acceptance and stop blaming everyone else. Try to have a perspective that cares about the world, and all of its people. Do something wonderful each day, no matter how small the task is. Learn to appreciate your wrinkles, and how you got them. Learn how to learn something new every day that you live. Finish one task at a time and move on to the next. Before you know it, you will have lived a wonderful life and no one can take that away from you. Love who you are, wrinkles and all.

I send out love and positivity tonight to everyone!

Learning to Listen and Happy Mother’s Day!

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Or: People want to hear what they want to hear, not necessarily the truth.
I keep returning to this concept that we aren’t hearing each other. We are so busy trying to insert our opinions upon others that we forget to breathe and take in what the other person is trying to say. Listening skills are difficult, and I know I am one of the worst offenders on this subject but I have noticed this in our inner circles as well, especially in spouses and children.

Sometimes we can feel ganged up on and stop talking about a subject. And sometimes the subject is important enough to try and have a conversation. We should be there in the present moment to understand what the other person is trying to say. We should listen to the nuances of what is being said, and believe what they are saying at the time. Questioning takes us off the track of what we are trying to communicate. And we shouldn’t overgeneralize a topic that is being discussed and hear one another.

For the most part, human beings just want to be heard by their friend, family member, or even a stranger who has reached out to us. Others don’t always need to solve the problem of the moment. And it’s okay if it doesn’t get solved right away. Just having someone to talk to can calm us and make us rethink a problem. It can help us come up with a solution later when we are alone with our thoughts.

Active listening is such a learned experience and very few of us have accomplished this skill. Today, I am just asking you to try and understand that what you hear isn’t always what another person says. Think before you put something forward and come to a conclusion. Enough said.

And on that note, I have returned to my gardens. Today was wonderful. Kiddo called and wished me a Happy Mother’s Day. Husband went to Indiana to visit his mom for the week. I took the day to clean up more weeds, put in edgers and rock borders, put down some pea gravel near the raised beds, and sorted the seeds for planting. Next week will be Home Depot runs for new shrubs and plants. I also will be getting the flowers, tomatoes, and green bean seeds into pots. When they are lovely and green in a few weeks, I’ll be transplanting them later into the wonderful, raised beds my family built for me. So excited! Thank you family for letting me have this time! Times like these help me regain perspective and energy to fight another good fight!

I send you all greetings for a Happy Mother’s Day and lots of hugs and love tonight!

Expectations and Control

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I have been pondering of late why we are so stressed out that we can’t even think and do the simplest of tasks. I think the negative energy surrounding us is so strong that we feel like we are out of control of our everyday lives. We cope by wanting to place our burden onto someone else for a moment. We don’t want to resolve our own problems yet we get upset with others when we put it on them and it doesn’t turn out the way we think it should. Our cognitive dissonance kicks in. Our mind spirals out of control. We are thinking that we both love the person trying to help us, and hate them for coming up with a solution at the same time. It is hard to understand that we are thankful that they tried to help us, but hate them because it wasn’t the solution we were hoping or looking for to solve the problem, and, as a result, we get angry and disappointed.

Our expectations of everything getting better, when a lot of things are getting worse, make us on edge and we don’t know what to expect. And it doesn’t help that the media is keeping it out there. We start to hate the people and events that don’t fit into our world, and start agreeing with the most egregious acts. We want to believe that everything is wonderful for us and all that is out there is affecting everyone else, not us. Well, I’m here to tell you, bad things are happening to EVERYONE. It’s how we deal with our daily lives and expectations that makes us survive in an unpleasant situation. It’s how we deal with others and treat them that makes us human beings and members of a society that only we can make better.

So here is my thought for today. Things in your bubble can be better if you treat others the way you want to be treated. Things in your bubble will get better if you take a break from the doomsday news and greet someone with love and kindness each day. Things in your bubble will get better if you believe you are in control of your own bubble and expect greatness of yourself. Be brave!

Finally, here are a few things I want to pass on to you after this crazy week I had:

  • I know you’re busy, but take some time to read the instructions. Find out why something isn’t working to your satisfaction.
  • Don’t blame the person on the phone.
  • You are expected to be an adult and take responsibility for researching the problem. The person you have called to fix a problem can help you, but it is ultimately your responsibility to understand why the problem exists and how to fix it in the future.
  • Slow down and take a breath before speaking.
  • Follow along when someone is trying to tell you something.
  • Contrary to popular belief the world doesn’t revolve around you!
  • We can get through it together. We all have to work together to fix any problem. It will take time. And remember, there is only so much time in a workday. There is never enough workers, and there are lots of jobs to do in a day!

Finally, I know I am prone to this, but I believe that we cannot isolate ourselves in a cocoon while all this is going on. Sure, we can turn off the news, but the buzz will always be around us. So here’s a thought: Take one hour for yourself, and take one hour for someone else each day that you live on this plane of existence.
For yourself, take a walk with your dog, or just by yourself. Go out and weed (I know! I know! But it really is fulfilling!) In a few weeks, plant your garden. Go swim and sing in the lap lane! Put your headphones on and get on the treadmill! Watch the movie A Complete Unknown and be taken back in time.

For others, walk and talk with them and listen to what they have to say. Be there in person and on the phone and in the present moment to help someone solve a problem. Try not to get frustrated with them because they are frustrated. And, read a wonderful tale of love and triumph. Purchase and read How We Learn to Be Brave by Mariann Edgar Budde and “…be responsible for your rose [from Le Petit Prince]…[and] “…Be a person upon whom others [can] depend and relish the days when nothing important seems to be happening….”

I love you all and I trying to live in the present moment every day even when it is hard. I ask that you to do the same!

May the 4th be with you!!!

We Cannot All Be In Charge

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Or: It’s Okay to have Some Ground Rules of Conduct and Etiquette!
I have been pondering this of late because I am involved in a few volunteer groups now. I didn’t volunteer much when I was working full-time and now that I have actually gone back to work (again) part-time, I want to enjoy the experience of my volunteer group. For example, I want to make a difference in my own little way by singing to those in memory care. They seem to enjoy it and it is a good learning experience for me. But sometimes the group is in discord and I don’t like to be there when there is so much drama. So, I have a few things to say about people who cause chaos without them even thinking about it:

Sometimes it’s okay to say what you need to say, but sometimes it’s okay to just sit and listen. If you want to be a leader of the group, I suggest you form your own group. If you don’t want to be the leader, then shut up and listen to the leader. This needs to be stated because some people just don’t get it, no matter how many times others tell them. It is a process to learn how to be a part of a group. And as we age, we forget the rules because we have been making the rules up as we go for a long time.

Having said all that, there should be a handout given when a new person joins the group. It should be a documented set of rules, regulations, or simply a statement of conduct and etiquette regarding how you participate in said group. And everyone should agree to follow said rules and/or statements by signing them, just like we all did in middle and high school.

Group dynamics can make or break a group. We can all get in the flow of things and make a cohesive effort to create something wonderful, or we can stay in our teeny tiny world and sit out. I think it’s easier to cooperate with a group I have joined and help out with the skills I have. I don’t need to belittle others so I feel better. For further information about group dynamics, go to: https://psychology.tips/group-dynamics/

I also trust that the group I join will all be amazing with great leadership in charge. There are many leadership styles, and sometimes I don’t always agree with what is being presented to me at the time, but I try to go with the flow and learn from the experience. There is a great article regarding leadership that I recommend you read:
https://www.ccl.org/articles/leading-effectively-articles/characteristics-good-leader/

We are all powerful and accomplished individuals. And yet sometimes we just have to listen and meld with the group. Sometimes a leader yells at you because you aren’t listening. I am sure this happened to you many times in the past and you got through it. So I just want to say something out loud in my own way to that new unhappy person in our choir: Just Chill! We are all in this together and just because you want things your way because you’re new and came from another place that did things differently, you are not in charge of what we do. The group doesn’t have to listen to your needs. We listen to our Director. She makes us happy to sing together and that’s what it is all about, SINGING TOGETHER the best way we know, under the guidance of the leader of the pack.

I am in charge of my own life, but life has a way of getting in the way of things no matter how hard I plan ahead and how hard I want things to always go my own way. And, although I refuse to stop leaping into the unknown, and refuse to go quietly into the night when it is my time, I am prepared to join with others make something work and sing the songs of life and love.

I recommend that we all can become part of the pack if we want to participate together in something wonderful. Lightening the load of one person makes it easier. Not everyone can be in charge, but we can all work together to make magic happen and things flow smoothly. We can  make beautiful music as a group. We can each take on a task that helps everyone. Divide up the duties to make it easier on any leader. I just think everyone needs to evaluate a group before they join. And if a group you are in doesn’t work for you, that’s okay, too. You just need to decide to leave and Go Your Own Way! Fleetwood Mac, Go Your Own Way

I love you all tonight and hope you are enjoying the garden as much as I am! Stop a moment and smell the flowers, and get ready for planting season!

Corporate America Needs to WAKE UP!

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Or: Why is Corporate America so Ridiculously Stupid?
I have been pondering all of the cutbacks happening right now that affect celebrations of our heritage. People who have never been oppressed (generally, white people) and those that are in power say DEI is discriminatory. BIPOC people say it’s about inclusion of everyone and recognizing that all people aren’t white. I am in agreement with the BIPOC folks. We have never discriminated against the majority of white folks getting a job. Everyone else has to fight every step of the way to make others see beyond the differences. They have to fight their way into the job market, or housing, or other essentials necessary to live in our society.

Cutting back and refusing to give to endeavors that celebrate life and people in all of their colorful display is shameful. Traditional events are still ongoing, and are getting funded from corporations, so why do the people with money think it’s bad news to give funding to events like Juneteenth or Pride festivals? I am asking those who have all the purse strings right now to WAKE UP!

I am asking all citizens to stop being afraid of having conversations regarding how corporations are spending their money. And I am asking corporate CEOs to stop being afraid of those in power (that guy in office) who says it’s not cool to help others who have differences than you, particularly their heritage or lifestyle. Remember that no one who has immigrated to North America at any time was a pure white person. We all have bits and pieces of everything inside and that’s what makes us a great person, and an even better nation! We all have to figure out this fear inside that makes us pull back from our differences. We all have to trust in that Golden Rule and decide that this simple way of living will make you a better person. Here are a few quotes that might help you recognize this:

  • “Do all the good you can, by all the means you can, in all the ways you can, in all the places you can, at all the times you can, to all the people you can, as long as ever you can.” ~ John Wesley
  • “Giving frees us from the familiar territory of our own needs by opening our mind to the unexplained worlds occupied by the needs of others.” ~ Barbara Bush
  • “The highest use of capital is not to make more money, but to make money do more for the betterment of life.” ~ Henry Ford
  • “When we give cheerfully and accept gratefully, everyone is blessed.” ~ Maya Angelou
  • “It is from the numberless diverse acts of courage and belief that human history is shaped. Each time a man stands up for an ideal or acts to improve the lot of others or strikes out against injustice, he sends forth a tiny ripple of hope, and crossing each other from a million different centers of energy and daring, those ripples build a current that can sweep down the mightiest walls of oppression and resistance.” ~ Robert Kennedy
    https://www.azquotes.com/quotes/topics/giving-to-others.html

We need to have conversations about this and other subjects regarding what is right regarding the treatment of others in this world.

David Brooks in his book, How to Know a Person stated that “A good conversation is not a group of people making a series of statements at [emphasis mine] each other….A good conversation is an act of joint exploration….A good conversation sparks you to have thoughts you never had before.”

We all think we are better than others at communicating but we haven’t really been taught how to have real two-way conversations. It is a difficult concept to master and we need to work at being better at listening. We all have something to say on every subject but sometimes it’s okay to get beyond our self-inhibitions and actively participate equally. We must acknowledge the other person in the conversation with respect, but a shouting match is not communicating with each other. Try to overcome what triggers your feelings and think about what is being said by the other person.

We can overcome anything if we reach consensus at what is being said and done in this world. I will never back down on my belief in equality, equity, and inclusion. It’s time to start the conversation once again and unite as a people, defying those in power who will not rise above the madness. And, once again, give a little bit of your time and money to those who participate in the worldwide celebrations of life.

Love to all and enjoy the springtime, including all of us weeds!