Tag Archives: mental-health

WHAT WE VALUE AND THE STORIES BEHIND THEM

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This is the time of year we think of our first memories of the holidays and reflect on what we learn. Alas, the walls of my memory divide the thorns from the roses, so I endeavor to think most about the good times or roses, and what lessons I learned to be the person I am today. Here are some thoughts on who I am. I encourage you to write about who you are and ask yourself: “Are you the person you want to be?”

I am the product of a southern belle princess and a country farmer. My parents grew up in the Deep South during the Depression and World War II. My father was in the navy and my mother worked in a department store. I am the middle kid. I am a Baby Boomer.

I was known as that weird kid because I didn’t fit into any mold of what a normal teenager was thought to be, those molds that others love to put themselves in. I grew up in an era where being smart, having coke bottle glasses, and being awkward and opinionated made me stick out like a sore thumb. In the Deep South, those were the very things that made ridicule come easily from my classmates.

My life was one of marching to the beat of a different drum and this lifestyle would get me into arguments with people of all ages. I would always fight the good fight, for what was just and right. Slowly, friends I had known since first grade systematically shut me out. We went our separate ways, and I never heard from most of them again.

As a young child, I began to question why people do the things they do. Why would they hold onto hate that was over a hundred years old? Why didn’t I feel the same way? I would ask myself, “Why couldn’t I just be that cute cheerleader who fits in?” You know what I’m talking about: the ones that fit the mold and went to all the cool parties; the one who was just part of the gang. Why did I have so many reasons to want to change the world? Why didn’t I just settle down and have a family like all the other girls? (OK, so maybe they were having kids at thirteen back then, so I said ‘No, thank you!’).” So, I kept telling myself, “I can make a difference in the world if I am given the chance.”

Finally, I did get that chance and many more when I became an adult. I chose the path to make a difference in the world, no matter how hard it was to obtain. I moved away to achieve the things I dreamed about. And I never looked back.

Even though I am now in the senior citizen category, I still categorize myself as that weird kid who thinks too much. I have been a southerner, and a country girl now turned city girl. I remember the Vietnam War and high school friends who never came back. I remember Iraq and Afghanistan wars and those who never came back. I remember so many firsts from my fellow police academy graduates. My classmates graduated to become some of the best and the first truly educated and understanding officers the state of Georgia had ever seen – the first African American state trooper in South Georgia, the first woman game and fish officer, the first women working as patrol officers for the Atlanta PD, and the first women correctional officers and trainers. I have been a correctional officer trainer, a police officer and behavioral profiler, and another first – creating the first serious juvenile offender program for the police in Colorado. We all broke down these barriers, women and people of color no longer designated to the secretarial or motor pool, back in the day when disco was hot, and cocaine flowed freely. I remember police friends who got so burned out they had to quit.

I went to college in both the 1970’s and again in the 1980’s. Some of my generation thought of ourselves as a lost generation because we were not the classic Boomer generation. We had different worldly causes than those of our mothers and fathers. Our generation wanted change, fairness, honesty, and hope. Today, I still get into a lot of animated and sometimes hostile discussions with people who are both younger and older and have differing opinions. I constantly remind myself that I need to try and respect their opinions even though I disagree with them. I want to have animated discourse but not the current hostility where no one listens to each other.

I am ashamed of the southern people that I see on television today that have so much hate in their hearts. I decided a long time ago that since I expect so much from myself it is okay to expect the best out of others, so I keep trying to make them understand love and kindness.

Today, half the people believe that our society cannot change for the better, even when I tell them that we control our own lives. There is still too much war in the world and less talk of peace and unconditional love. These were the visions of my bohemian hippie generation. I think there’s a need for people like me out there – one that still believes in those old ideals yet has a demanding work ethic to make change happen and make people believe in the future.

I’ve made my own way in the Wild, Wild West. I have fully participated in the world, I write and publish about things that matter, sometimes couched in fun mysteries, and believe I have made a difference. I’ve had my “fifteen minutes of fame” and am ready for the next fifteen. Are you ready? I wish you happy holidays and fulfillment in your lives.

Enjoy these puns based on songs while you spend time with your family. And try not to fight, just have a peaceful moment in time. Happy Thanksgiving!

Hit me baby one more thyme.

It’s all about that baste.

Give peas a chance.

All pie myself.

Talk turkey to me.

Did you hear about the Pilgrim band? They’re called “New Kids on the Rock.”

Turkey deeds done dirt cheap.

Breaking Free from Smartphone Addiction

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Okay, I’m gonna go all Grandma on you for this post. Picture this caricature, shaking her fist at this new generation (including parents of this generation) for a moment and bear with me.

I am worried about us not personally connecting anymore. I see people scrolling texts and sites on their phones everywhere I go, even walking down the street. The advertisements encourage this behavior, so we’ll buy more connectivity at home. No one talks to each other at home, during meals and family time, or out in the world anymore. Instead, they are addicted to “clicks and likes.”

According to many addiction counselors, a person is addicted if they are compelled to watch their phones for “clicks and likes.” They are seeking validation and a sense of reward by constantly checking for social media interactions like likes, comments, and shares, often leading to excessive time spent on those platforms. They become overly focused on gaining digital approval through these interactions.

The negative impact on mental health is the dopamine rush associated with receiving positive feedback. The dopamine reward system (neurotransmitter associated with pleasure) can lead to tolerance, much like substance addiction. The positive feedback loop encourages further engagement to seek more likes.

The desire for social validation is a key driver of this behavior, as people may feel a sense of self-worth based on the number of likes they receive. Unfortunately, excessive focus on likes can lead to anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, and neglecting real-life relationships and responsibilities. 

The other addiction is called Nomophobia, or cell phone addiction. It is a behavioral addiction that can negatively impact your life. The signs for addiction can include:

You can’t stop checking your phone, even if it has a negative consequence; you experience anxiety, agitation, or disorientation when you can’t use your phone; and you neglect your responsibilities or relationships. The compulsion is fueled by games apps, and online worlds. Cell phone addiction can negatively impact your mental health, causing poor sleep quality, stress, anxiety, and depression. 

Young and older adults can benefit from pausing the social media cycle by taking a moment to turn it off. You can reduce your social media apps or put them in a folder away from your home screen. Or simply remove the apps from your home screen entirely.

When parents and grandparents give up and let their children do what they want to on their phones, sometimes an outside force makes the move to do it for them. As a result, here is what happened in our district last night. This was the news release from our local school district:

BOULDER, Colo. — The Boulder Valley School District Board (BVSD) of Education passed a no-cellphones policy for high schools Tuesday night. The policy said social media and technology are worsening student mental health and disrupting classroom learning. “This over-reliance on cellphones vs. interactions with peers is a troubling trend that is affecting the mental health of students that we serve,” Dr. Rob Anderson, BVSD superintendent, said.

So, I want to thank you BVSD for the ban on cellphones in high school during school hours. I’ve been writing to you for years to ban cellphones while kids are in school. There is no need for a kid to get so involved in the drama on their phone that they do not participate in learning the subjects they need to understand the world they’ll be living in after high school. Upping the game on learning is so important these days, and we adults forget about that, especially if we’ve had bad experiences in early education and high school. Teachers today are overwhelmed with trying to get information across when the kids aren’t focused. They get tired when they try to talk over inattentive kids listening to so much outside noise, and I understand their frustrations. I want to say thank you to all teachers who put up with all our children daily and put up with parents who won’t let the teachers do their jobs.

I want to encourage parents and grandparents to understand this outside noise addiction and create a downtime space for all kids and grandkids, and themselves. My personal routine is to turn my attention to writing and other creative matters when things are crazy on all the news stations and social media. I hope you will do the same. Tell all your friends about it and have that moment of Zen. Thank you for taking the next positive step to heal the world and the people in it.

Dismantling Fear: A Path to Personal Empowerment

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Dissatisfiers: Fear, Anger, and Prejudice. These are three underlying emotions that will control our lives, cause closed-mindedness, and inhibit growth. How can we recognize our hidden potential if we let these emotions control us? We can get back on the designated path if we acknowledge that these emotions are taking us in the direction we do not want to go. The last few posts have focused on anger and prejudice, but today I want to talk about fear.

The media will always give the worst-case scenarios. They need you to watch their feeds, so each station tries for more drama and gore. Exposure to negative news can lead to feelings of helplessness, depression, and aggression. The sensationalize or oversimplify stories that create fear. They oversimplify stories without providing enough context. It paralyzes us into taking no action. Consuming too much news, especially on television and social media, can increase emotional distress. This is sometimes called “doomscrolling”. It can make us panic and lose our ability to reason.

If we can re-focus and become more adventurous, we can increase our coping skills. We face each new situation with more knowledge and become fearless. We learn to make better decisions that are good for survival. By learning to make these personal decisions every time we venture out, we learn to be less apathetic because we are not afraid to get involved. In his book The Search, author, and wilderness expert Tom Brown, stated that “If I can face fear, real or imagined, it will disappear…. Fear can be overcome and panic abated by trust in oneself and one’s knowledge.”

By choosing to be fearless, we gain courage in our decisions and actions. We stand up to evil people with loving hearts. The late great Martin Luther King, Jr. believed in his cause, and was not deterred by accusations, threats, or warnings. Fear did not dominate him. He looked at a dangerous threat and continued to be an active participant of change because he wanted to help all people who were being oppressed. We cannot change everything, and terrible things are always going to happen to people who do not deserve it, but we can try helping one person every day. Alice Hoffman put it very succinctly in her book Faithful. “Who made it your job to feel guilty for every bad thing that happens?” We cannot stop every painful act to us or to another, but we can attempt to do the right thing every day we live.

We can all overcome fears about change by understanding the past, integrating old but good memories, and creating a better world for the future. We cannot fix Everything, Everywhere, All at Once (Title of excellent movie, by the way), but we can dwell on what we can do today. So, instead of watching the news, turn it off on all devices, and go for a walk in the neighborhood. Observe your surroundings. What can you change right now?

For more information on this subject, see my book Discover the Life You Want to Live (still on Amazon for purchase). I promise it will make you think and take you to a place that is better than where you are right now.