Tag Archives: volunteering

We Cannot All Be In Charge

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Or: It’s Okay to have Some Ground Rules of Conduct and Etiquette!
I have been pondering this of late because I am involved in a few volunteer groups now. I didn’t volunteer much when I was working full-time and now that I have actually gone back to work (again) part-time, I want to enjoy the experience of my volunteer group. For example, I want to make a difference in my own little way by singing to those in memory care. They seem to enjoy it and it is a good learning experience for me. But sometimes the group is in discord and I don’t like to be there when there is so much drama. So, I have a few things to say about people who cause chaos without them even thinking about it:

Sometimes it’s okay to say what you need to say, but sometimes it’s okay to just sit and listen. If you want to be a leader of the group, I suggest you form your own group. If you don’t want to be the leader, then shut up and listen to the leader. This needs to be stated because some people just don’t get it, no matter how many times others tell them. It is a process to learn how to be a part of a group. And as we age, we forget the rules because we have been making the rules up as we go for a long time.

Having said all that, there should be a handout given when a new person joins the group. It should be a documented set of rules, regulations, or simply a statement of conduct and etiquette regarding how you participate in said group. And everyone should agree to follow said rules and/or statements by signing them, just like we all did in middle and high school.

Group dynamics can make or break a group. We can all get in the flow of things and make a cohesive effort to create something wonderful, or we can stay in our teeny tiny world and sit out. I think it’s easier to cooperate with a group I have joined and help out with the skills I have. I don’t need to belittle others so I feel better. For further information about group dynamics, go to: https://psychology.tips/group-dynamics/

I also trust that the group I join will all be amazing with great leadership in charge. There are many leadership styles, and sometimes I don’t always agree with what is being presented to me at the time, but I try to go with the flow and learn from the experience. There is a great article regarding leadership that I recommend you read:
https://www.ccl.org/articles/leading-effectively-articles/characteristics-good-leader/

We are all powerful and accomplished individuals. And yet sometimes we just have to listen and meld with the group. Sometimes a leader yells at you because you aren’t listening. I am sure this happened to you many times in the past and you got through it. So I just want to say something out loud in my own way to that new unhappy person in our choir: Just Chill! We are all in this together and just because you want things your way because you’re new and came from another place that did things differently, you are not in charge of what we do. The group doesn’t have to listen to your needs. We listen to our Director. She makes us happy to sing together and that’s what it is all about, SINGING TOGETHER the best way we know, under the guidance of the leader of the pack.

I am in charge of my own life, but life has a way of getting in the way of things no matter how hard I plan ahead and how hard I want things to always go my own way. And, although I refuse to stop leaping into the unknown, and refuse to go quietly into the night when it is my time, I am prepared to join with others make something work and sing the songs of life and love.

I recommend that we all can become part of the pack if we want to participate together in something wonderful. Lightening the load of one person makes it easier. Not everyone can be in charge, but we can all work together to make magic happen and things flow smoothly. We can  make beautiful music as a group. We can each take on a task that helps everyone. Divide up the duties to make it easier on any leader. I just think everyone needs to evaluate a group before they join. And if a group you are in doesn’t work for you, that’s okay, too. You just need to decide to leave and Go Your Own Way! Fleetwood Mac, Go Your Own Way

I love you all tonight and hope you are enjoying the garden as much as I am! Stop a moment and smell the flowers, and get ready for planting season!

Stephen Wurzel – the Man, the Myth, the Legend

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As we wind up our story, I wanted to first give recognition to Stephen’s children. I talked about his youngest in the last piece and how he worked for NCAR. He actually has a master’s degree in  environmental science, not just “a” degree. He is married to Alyssa and has a beautiful daughter named Cadence who is currently 18 months old. Benjamin, his oldest child, has a master’s degree in student affairs and higher education from Colorado State University. He works as a career counselor at the University of Colorado. Hi wife’s name is Miho (an incredible sushi chef) and Chiyo is his five-year-old daughter.

I asked Stephen to take the Dru’s 14 Essential Questions Questionnaire, and here are some of the tales he gave me: When asked how he learned, he said he reads a vast number of books. He stated that he felt like he was a natural at the healing arts. He likes to talk to people, and also teach others. He’ll go to the Reservoir on a full moon and teach people how to meditate. He learns by just “jumping in” and by sense of touch. He trusts his intuition and can quiet his mind through meditation. Every day he wakes up and sets his intention before he gets out of bed.

When asked what his Code of Life is, he had a simple, yet beautiful answer: “Be open to everything and everyone.” (Mine is a long paragraph. I loved this!)

Stephen’s vision is to “Live in the Now. And live for the Future. Become one with whatever’s in front of you. Go through trying times by keeping your center.” As a former martial artist, I appreciate this sentiment. Our lives seem to center around center, or what the Japanese call Hara. It literally means soft belly, but an extension of the meaning in a spiritual sense is that Hara refers to a person’s true self, or who they truly are as a human being. It’s seen as the unification of a person’s physical, spiritual, and psychological dimensions (Mind, Body, Spirit).

I asked what is the big picture for him? He said, being with his family and friends and having that community connection is the most important aspect of his world. (Stephen works for Sister Carmen to help those in need. He also works with Feed Forward through Unity Church to hand out warm burritos for the unhoused folks in Boulder.) And he runs a meditation class every Saturday morning at the Louisville Recreation Center. How cool is that? I am looking forward to attending this class.

Stephen says his biggest fear is losing his wife. They are indeed true partners in every sense, and he worries about this sometimes. “How do you feel?” is my classic question for everyone. I took it from the Star Trek IV movie where Spock’s mother asked him this question. He literally was dead, was reborn, and taken back to Vulcan to relearn everything. He is only half Vulcan and his mother is human. Since the Vulcans suppress their emotions, he was constantly on the alert. (Okay just look it up!) At the end of the movie, he tells his father to tell his mother: “I feel fine.”

Stephen’s response to “How do you feel?” was “I feel in the flow and have been at peace for fifty years. He feels right now that everything is perfect in his life. He still has to work at it, but it’s like body surfing through life. He told me not to stop at the sand, just keep going.

Finally, I asked him what would his perfect day be? He told me that right now, every day is perfect. But, if he had to pick, his perfect day would be to continue with Soul Massage, and the people that he can work with, walking with his wife, hanging out with his family, and going to the hot springs. How can we get any better than that? Stephen hopes to continue his life by living it spirit-filled, living moment to moment.

“Man is a mystery. It needs to be unraveled, and if you spend your whole life unravelling it, don’t say that you’ve wasted time.”—Fyodor Dostoevsky.
I hope this story inspires you to live your best life and unravel your own mysterious secrets. People are out there listening. It just takes a little effort to find them.

If you are interested in taking the Questionnaire and being interviewed by me, feel free to contact me at dru_tieben@comcast.net. Please do not send any mean/hate emails. I will not respond. Everyone has a remarkable story to tell. I am looking forward to hearing from you. Love to all!