Tag Archives: mental-health

Dancing in the Moonlight

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Or: Do You Remember Where You Were in June 1973?
Or: Do You Remember When You Were 18?
Or: Do You Remember When You Believed You Had the World at Your Fingertips?

And here I am, 50+ years later still dancing, but with many harsh realities coming at me every day that I am alive. I just read about this, but it happened a while ago. It is still noteworthy to mention again. A bunch of so-called righteous moms checked out all of a San Diego library’s featured LBGTQ+ books and refused to bring them back unless the library took them off the shelf. Okay, so now I must rant a little. Here is what I am saying to you (I wish it could be directly to your face): First, what gives you the right to censure every other human being that uses that public library? Secondly, why are you soooooooooo ignorant? Thirdly, this worked against you, because when the public heard about your little stunt, they went out and purchased all of those books and gave them to the library, AND raised and donated $15,000.00 for the library. Then…. the City of San Diego matched that donation so now they had $30,000.00 total to buy many more wonderful books! So your little stunt backfired! Also, if I was the librarian, I would have sent you a big whopping bill!

All I’m saying to you people who think you know best for EVERYONE, just let it go. There are many other people in the world who have different opinions and lifestyles from you. You cannot dictate what others think or do. It has never worked in our society. We worked hard to be different and more tolerant of all people. I am still amazed there are so many small-minded people in the world. You should be striving to change every day that you live and let others live their lives. Don’t dictate demands on others who don’t agree with you. Don’t be afraid of DIFFERENT even if it is within your own family. They are still your siblings and children. They love you and you should absolutely and unconditionally love them back. Isn’t that what we fought for? To be a nation different from Europe? Everyone who came here in the past have their own ways of thinking. I don’t agree with all of them, but that doesn’t make me want to censure them. Conversations don’t have to be about your small-minded ways of thinking. Embrace everyone and Lighten Up!

So as we face and accept our aging, we can still believe that we all have the world at our fingertips. We can still believe that we all have choices and accept that we are all wonderful beings and choose love, not hate. And, after we’ve faced the heat of the day, we can just wait a little while for nightfall and thank the universe that we are still alive. We can then go outside and water the tomatoes, say hello to the bugs, the bats eating the bugs, nightfall, and embrace the moon! Do a little dance, make a little love, and get down tonight (KC and the Sunshine Band).

“We like our fun and we never fight
You can’t dance and stay uptight
It’s a supernatural delight
Everybody was dancing in the moonlight….”
Dancing in the Moonlight
King Harvest – Original (Although Toploader does a good job!)

I love you all and wish some of you would just grow up into loving humans!

The Heat is On

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As I ponder the many things I can do inside because of the heat I return to my writing once again and try and capture the thread that will finish the book. But, alas, my mind wanders, there are loads of inside chores to complete and I return to the blog, if only to get some writing in today.

Summer Solstice is upon us and I want to return to a simpler time when I danced with the goddess on the longest day of the year with my fellow merrymakers in sacred spaces. I once believed that I was on the right path to enlightenment and the world’s woes were slowly being resolved. I once embraced the path that we as a people of this great nation believed and cared for each other. The police I knew were starting to come around and be the friendly neighborhood protectors instead of using evil [gestapo] tactics. They were proud to be a part of the neighborhood. People weren’t shooting each other in my neighborhood. Neighbors left their doors open, had block parties and shared beautiful food and music without interference from the evil ICE folks, or local police using military tactics for no reason. I want to return to hearing that violent crime is down. Maybe it was all an illusion, but I was proud to be a part of that illusion of the world.

Today, things are rapidly deteriorating to fear tactics and hating BIPOC [i.e., the brown people or anyone who doesn’t look exactly like you]. I still don’t understand how some people can embrace this in their lives. I want those people to wake up and fight back no matter what. I want people to take away all the guns from those that are insanely violent and hurt those who are trying to do the right thing. And I want to return to the belief that we must allow justice to take place and punish those in the wrong (you know who I am talking about). I want that weird secret police to go away and stop harassing those who believe in the democratic process and are just doing the right thing within their jobs and the courts. I want to believe that we can return to finding enlightenment within our lives without worrying about be accosted, or even worse, shot.

So, enjoy the peaceful moments today. Go inside and leave off the TV and phone. Write to your heart’s content your thoughts and musings in your beautiful journals (or laptops!). Read a good book. Work on a puzzle with your family or play a game. And, put on some 80’s tunes (Glen Frey) and get away from it all for a little while.
The Heat is On

I love you all and hope only great things happen to you!

Birthdays and Worry

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Is it wrong to worry about the future when you are older than most people?
Is it wrong to worry about your child’s future so much that you make yourself sick?
Is it wrong to question why people are the way they are when they support an idiot in office with no regard to their families or other families?
Why are we where we are?
Why are we shooting people who are trying to do the right thing?
Why are people in power afraid to do the right thing?
STAND UP!

Today is my birthday and I am pondering the state of the union and the world as we know it. Each year that I am alive, I have seen the good and the bad of administrations in power and it seems that this one is really bad. I am amazed at the people who are turning out in droves to protest and feel good that there are so many of us who care about what is going on. I am also amazed at those in power who aren’t marching with us, who think that this king is right and just and they refuse to depose him. He should not be the one leading the country. What will it take to bring about change for the better?

Today I am asking everyone that have supported this administration to reflect on who you voted for. I am begging you to ask good questions of your representatives why they are letting all of this nonsense happen. I am asking the red states to turn a little more purple and vote out those who support him. I am asking everyone to be brave and send out love to those who are being oppressed. I am asking everyone to lose their prejudices and accept everyone the way they are. Don’t kick out those in the military who are different than you (you know who I’m talking about). They signed up to do a job to support their country, just like you and your children did when wars were looming (or not). They wanted to do their duty to keep democracy alive. I am begging you to stop ignoring your children if they tell you they are different that what you expect. Have an open and honest conversation with them. Accept them the way they are. Embrace their differences with pride. You raised them to be independent. They may not be the same as you and you need to be okay with that. Love them for who they are.

And finally, don’t be hateful to anyone who doesn’t look like you. They have a right to be on this earth just like you. And many of them were in this country long before your family came here. RISE UP and make a difference before it’s too late. Move beyond your small plane of existence and see the world in a multi-colored perspective. Thank you.
RISE UP

Love vibes to all on this fantastic summer day.

I Yam What I Yam

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Or: You Cannot Keep Ignoring the Truth
Popeye said it so succinctly that we are who we are no matter what others think of us. With all the Pride parades and parties coming up, I want to return to a subject that the rednecks (male and female alike) of the world have latched onto because of that guy in office. Why are you so worried about others whose identity doesn’t match up to what your expectations are? Why are you afraid that others who can be incredible and yet different from your perception of reality?

And you women out there who are so loud and obnoxious and sooooo terribly wrong in these matters, ask yourself: Why do you fall into line because a ridiculous man is telling you what you think and what you should do? Are you that privileged that you don’t see the pain of others when you belittle those who are unique in their own ways? Why are you threatened by this?

Blaming DEI (Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion) on everything that is happening is just wrong. We had come a long way before the buffoon started telling us what to think. Women, get it together and change this! Teach your children (especially your male children) to respect women and diverse people. Stop agreeing with this nonsense and support your community – those who are alike and different that you. DEI isn’t a bad word. It promotes:

  • Educator Growth: Professional Development, Training, Hiring Practices.
  • Classroom and Climate: Culturally Responsive and Inclusive Practices and Curriculum.
  • Student Belonging: Identity, Empathy, Inclusion.
  • Community Cohesion: Parent/Guardian Education and Involvement, Town Partnerships.

I grew up in an era where if you weren’t a white Anglo-Saxon male, your voice meant nothing. Have we completely returned to this way of thinking? And, if so Why? Everyone is unique and have made it so far in this world. Hating someone for being of a different race, a different gender, for what they believe, or even how they dress and identify is just wrong. We have to return to loving kindness for all and if that is what it means to be woke, then count me in!

“Everyone deserves to live free from hate, fear, and violence. We cannot free ourselves from hate if we don’t identify and acknowledge it when it happens. What is typically included in ongoing reporting is just as important as what is left out – the voices of individuals who experienced incidents of hate.” AND:
“Today’s political climate is highly charged. From white supremacist and anti-government movements coalescing and moving more into the political mainstream, to conspiracy theories circulating online, to the amplification of hate by public officials. We refuse to let the loud volume of a few define us.” https://civilrights.org/value/fighting-hate-bias/#

For more information on this organization and what else you can do see:
https://civilrights.org/blog/

So all I am saying is stop the patter of malcontent and learn to accept that not everyone is like you. Embrace all those who differ from you, even if you don’t always agree with them. Make life a little easier for yourself if you choose your battles and words with others.

Get outside, enjoy the beautiful days, and have a heart full of love tonight! Love to all who are trying to do their part every day they live!

Every Wrinkle Tells a Story

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Or: Love and Respect through the Ages
WRINKLE: A small furrow, ridge, or crease on a normally smooth surface, caused by crumpling, folding, or shrinking; A line or crease in the skin, as from age; a clever trick, method, or device, especially one that is new and different;
a problem or imperfection; a fault
WRINKLY: adjective wrinkly; comparative adjective wrinklier; superlative adjective: wrinkliest-having many lines or folds.
Urban dictionary: A cute old person

So I haven’t posted since Mother’s Day and life has once again gotten in the way of my pursuit for harmony and peace. I broke my rib and it was a road that I had not wanted to take, and a painful one to say the least. I still hate emergency rooms and hospitals in general, and hope to never go back! Needless to say, the old part of me felt it. Although I am recuperating fast, I have learned something about paying attention to the little things in life, such as not carrying a ton of things in my hands while walking down the stairs! Knees don’t always work the way we want them to. From now on, one hand on the rail at all times. You don’t realize how much you must pay attention to little things as you age in order to live another day.

Having said all that, I feel like I am slowly accepting help when I need help, though I grit my teeth and chastise myself for putting myself into that situation. I appreciate my spouse, and forgive all his grumblings. I hope he understands everything that I do all the time during the day now that he has had to do it. I hope he appreciates me as much as I appreciate him every day.

He was a life saver in my grand scheme of the garden. This weekend, we weeded (thistle is my nemesis!), planted flowers and bushes, and planted some of the vegetables, except for the tomatoes. They are still in pots. The rain has been both wonderful and crazy. I love the green, but not the weeds! The raised beds have been a fantastic addition since I don’t bend as well right now. We’ll see what comes up!

I have been thinking about all the wrinkles that have come up in my life, especially since I now know that I am not invincible (I KNOW! Harsh reality sets in permanently!) Every day I try to have a positive attitude about these life lessons. I look at my physical wrinkles as an accomplishment, not one that needs to be faded away with all the expensive cremes from late night advertisements. I look at each one with love, and thank them for allowing me to be here a little longer on this plane of existence.

Wrinkles in life happen and that makes us grow. Sometimes we take a new direction each time there is a wrinkle in the road, and sometimes it is a better path. And sometimes we re-live our mistakes in our heads too many times and forget to take the new fork in the road. When we can resolve a current problem, we can move forward to the next phase in our life and accept that things are always changing. We have to drive around and as we process old blockages, we move forward.

If we can focus on the good even in the overwhelming chatter of the bad things out in the world, we can finish our work – the work that we were put on this earth to do. If the negativity begins to give you more wrinkles, try and take a step back and fix the problem that is disrupting your journey.

Try to read more about love and acceptance and stop blaming everyone else. Try to have a perspective that cares about the world, and all of its people. Do something wonderful each day, no matter how small the task is. Learn to appreciate your wrinkles, and how you got them. Learn how to learn something new every day that you live. Finish one task at a time and move on to the next. Before you know it, you will have lived a wonderful life and no one can take that away from you. Love who you are, wrinkles and all.

I send out love and positivity tonight to everyone!

Maturity and Justice

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I am re-reading How to Raise a Citizen by Dr. Lindsey Cormack because there is so much packed into this little book regarding what we don’t know about our political system, and why we haven’t passed on this knowledge to our children. This should be an awakening to what is happening right now in our country. It should be a part of your parental handbook for life’s simple responsibilities. We cannot buy into the old “we don’t talk about politics because it is not unpleasant or it’s not polite.” That is old and outdated thinking. We cannot protect our children from being upset, especially if they don’t understand how the world works at a younger age. There are levels of teachings that is uncomfortable, but we as parents must embrace the uncomfortable conversations. Sometimes, that is what makes the children as well as their adult parents grow. We have to help them understand how the world can be harsh and how politicians aren’t representing us, but couching the conversation in a no nonsense, calm manner. When we are angry about what is going on, we pass that anger onto the children and that is why they don’t want to participate. It’s okay to talk about hard things in a calm manner. It’s okay for them to have a different opinion from you if they have the facts to back it up. Children (and adults) need to understand how to live in a society that is democratic and fair to all people without fear rearing its ugly head in the conversation.

And here are a few more points on creating a handbook for your children before they become an adult:
First, start teaching your children at an early age on what is important for them to survive on a daily basis when they become an adult. It should include the knowledge of living on their own as a new adult. When they go out in the world, they should understand what the four top items in their budget are:

  1. Shelter
  2. Heat
  3. Water
  4. Food

IN THAT ORDER BEFORE ANYTHING ELSE.
A new adult should have a basic understanding of how things work in the world, like, oh, let’s say remembering to pay their bills on time. New adults should understand a basic contract, and that they are agreeing to pay the rent or mortgage first, as well as the items that come with this agreement, such as the heat and water bill, before spending money on anything else. And they should be a polite human being when they are on the phone with people who are trying to help them.

It is my hope that parents are creating their own handbooks for their children before pushing them out of the nest. It is my hope that the people I talk to every day who are rude, are those examples of humanity that didn’t listen to the good advice their parents gave them. And finally, it is my hope that parents have taken measures to help their children understand how to live their best life by taking care of themselves and others who need them, and creating a better society that believes in democracy and rights and fairness for all people.

While Democracy is slowly being abolished and fascism is taking its place in this current era, we as parents as well as the new adults, should focus on fighting the good fight, not bickering over tiny, stupid things. Place your anger where it belongs. Ask yourself and your friends why they believe in things that aren’t true. Ask your children good questions. Give them a chance to ask you good questions and seek answers that make sense, even if you are uncomfortable.

Ask your senators and representatives why they are not stepping up to support the people. Do our members of congress who are bowing to that guy in office know something that we don’t? Do they know that they are just going to stay in power when the next election comes around? Do they know that we may not even have an election so that’s why they aren’t worried? I urge you to watch the 5/6/25 episode of the Late Show with Stephen Colbert and what guest Rachel Maddow talked about regarding this subject. She had some amazing insight into what is going on out there and how the American people are wholeheartedly protesting and trying to bring about change to what has been happening.

We as a people cannot lie down and take it. We have to continue the good fight against what is happening. We have to focus our anger and frustration into a cause that defeats those who don’t care what is happening in Congress. We have to turn over the vote on everyone who is not doing their job to protect the rights of the American people.

So, take a moment and think before you harass your lowly government workers. Take a moment to look at the bigger picture and fight the fight that needs fighting! We can change the world if we’re all in this together! Thank you for listening.

So, get serious with what needs getting serious about, then you can get silly and sing a happy song! Let’s Go Fly a Kite!

I love you all tonight, even you grumpy ones!

Expectations and Control

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I have been pondering of late why we are so stressed out that we can’t even think and do the simplest of tasks. I think the negative energy surrounding us is so strong that we feel like we are out of control of our everyday lives. We cope by wanting to place our burden onto someone else for a moment. We don’t want to resolve our own problems yet we get upset with others when we put it on them and it doesn’t turn out the way we think it should. Our cognitive dissonance kicks in. Our mind spirals out of control. We are thinking that we both love the person trying to help us, and hate them for coming up with a solution at the same time. It is hard to understand that we are thankful that they tried to help us, but hate them because it wasn’t the solution we were hoping or looking for to solve the problem, and, as a result, we get angry and disappointed.

Our expectations of everything getting better, when a lot of things are getting worse, make us on edge and we don’t know what to expect. And it doesn’t help that the media is keeping it out there. We start to hate the people and events that don’t fit into our world, and start agreeing with the most egregious acts. We want to believe that everything is wonderful for us and all that is out there is affecting everyone else, not us. Well, I’m here to tell you, bad things are happening to EVERYONE. It’s how we deal with our daily lives and expectations that makes us survive in an unpleasant situation. It’s how we deal with others and treat them that makes us human beings and members of a society that only we can make better.

So here is my thought for today. Things in your bubble can be better if you treat others the way you want to be treated. Things in your bubble will get better if you take a break from the doomsday news and greet someone with love and kindness each day. Things in your bubble will get better if you believe you are in control of your own bubble and expect greatness of yourself. Be brave!

Finally, here are a few things I want to pass on to you after this crazy week I had:

  • I know you’re busy, but take some time to read the instructions. Find out why something isn’t working to your satisfaction.
  • Don’t blame the person on the phone.
  • You are expected to be an adult and take responsibility for researching the problem. The person you have called to fix a problem can help you, but it is ultimately your responsibility to understand why the problem exists and how to fix it in the future.
  • Slow down and take a breath before speaking.
  • Follow along when someone is trying to tell you something.
  • Contrary to popular belief the world doesn’t revolve around you!
  • We can get through it together. We all have to work together to fix any problem. It will take time. And remember, there is only so much time in a workday. There is never enough workers, and there are lots of jobs to do in a day!

Finally, I know I am prone to this, but I believe that we cannot isolate ourselves in a cocoon while all this is going on. Sure, we can turn off the news, but the buzz will always be around us. So here’s a thought: Take one hour for yourself, and take one hour for someone else each day that you live on this plane of existence.
For yourself, take a walk with your dog, or just by yourself. Go out and weed (I know! I know! But it really is fulfilling!) In a few weeks, plant your garden. Go swim and sing in the lap lane! Put your headphones on and get on the treadmill! Watch the movie A Complete Unknown and be taken back in time.

For others, walk and talk with them and listen to what they have to say. Be there in person and on the phone and in the present moment to help someone solve a problem. Try not to get frustrated with them because they are frustrated. And, read a wonderful tale of love and triumph. Purchase and read How We Learn to Be Brave by Mariann Edgar Budde and “…be responsible for your rose [from Le Petit Prince]…[and] “…Be a person upon whom others [can] depend and relish the days when nothing important seems to be happening….”

I love you all and I trying to live in the present moment every day even when it is hard. I ask that you to do the same!

May the 4th be with you!!!

We Cannot All Be In Charge

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Or: It’s Okay to have Some Ground Rules of Conduct and Etiquette!
I have been pondering this of late because I am involved in a few volunteer groups now. I didn’t volunteer much when I was working full-time and now that I have actually gone back to work (again) part-time, I want to enjoy the experience of my volunteer group. For example, I want to make a difference in my own little way by singing to those in memory care. They seem to enjoy it and it is a good learning experience for me. But sometimes the group is in discord and I don’t like to be there when there is so much drama. So, I have a few things to say about people who cause chaos without them even thinking about it:

Sometimes it’s okay to say what you need to say, but sometimes it’s okay to just sit and listen. If you want to be a leader of the group, I suggest you form your own group. If you don’t want to be the leader, then shut up and listen to the leader. This needs to be stated because some people just don’t get it, no matter how many times others tell them. It is a process to learn how to be a part of a group. And as we age, we forget the rules because we have been making the rules up as we go for a long time.

Having said all that, there should be a handout given when a new person joins the group. It should be a documented set of rules, regulations, or simply a statement of conduct and etiquette regarding how you participate in said group. And everyone should agree to follow said rules and/or statements by signing them, just like we all did in middle and high school.

Group dynamics can make or break a group. We can all get in the flow of things and make a cohesive effort to create something wonderful, or we can stay in our teeny tiny world and sit out. I think it’s easier to cooperate with a group I have joined and help out with the skills I have. I don’t need to belittle others so I feel better. For further information about group dynamics, go to: https://psychology.tips/group-dynamics/

I also trust that the group I join will all be amazing with great leadership in charge. There are many leadership styles, and sometimes I don’t always agree with what is being presented to me at the time, but I try to go with the flow and learn from the experience. There is a great article regarding leadership that I recommend you read:
https://www.ccl.org/articles/leading-effectively-articles/characteristics-good-leader/

We are all powerful and accomplished individuals. And yet sometimes we just have to listen and meld with the group. Sometimes a leader yells at you because you aren’t listening. I am sure this happened to you many times in the past and you got through it. So I just want to say something out loud in my own way to that new unhappy person in our choir: Just Chill! We are all in this together and just because you want things your way because you’re new and came from another place that did things differently, you are not in charge of what we do. The group doesn’t have to listen to your needs. We listen to our Director. She makes us happy to sing together and that’s what it is all about, SINGING TOGETHER the best way we know, under the guidance of the leader of the pack.

I am in charge of my own life, but life has a way of getting in the way of things no matter how hard I plan ahead and how hard I want things to always go my own way. And, although I refuse to stop leaping into the unknown, and refuse to go quietly into the night when it is my time, I am prepared to join with others make something work and sing the songs of life and love.

I recommend that we all can become part of the pack if we want to participate together in something wonderful. Lightening the load of one person makes it easier. Not everyone can be in charge, but we can all work together to make magic happen and things flow smoothly. We can  make beautiful music as a group. We can each take on a task that helps everyone. Divide up the duties to make it easier on any leader. I just think everyone needs to evaluate a group before they join. And if a group you are in doesn’t work for you, that’s okay, too. You just need to decide to leave and Go Your Own Way! Fleetwood Mac, Go Your Own Way

I love you all tonight and hope you are enjoying the garden as much as I am! Stop a moment and smell the flowers, and get ready for planting season!

Corporate America Needs to WAKE UP!

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Or: Why is Corporate America so Ridiculously Stupid?
I have been pondering all of the cutbacks happening right now that affect celebrations of our heritage. People who have never been oppressed (generally, white people) and those that are in power say DEI is discriminatory. BIPOC people say it’s about inclusion of everyone and recognizing that all people aren’t white. I am in agreement with the BIPOC folks. We have never discriminated against the majority of white folks getting a job. Everyone else has to fight every step of the way to make others see beyond the differences. They have to fight their way into the job market, or housing, or other essentials necessary to live in our society.

Cutting back and refusing to give to endeavors that celebrate life and people in all of their colorful display is shameful. Traditional events are still ongoing, and are getting funded from corporations, so why do the people with money think it’s bad news to give funding to events like Juneteenth or Pride festivals? I am asking those who have all the purse strings right now to WAKE UP!

I am asking all citizens to stop being afraid of having conversations regarding how corporations are spending their money. And I am asking corporate CEOs to stop being afraid of those in power (that guy in office) who says it’s not cool to help others who have differences than you, particularly their heritage or lifestyle. Remember that no one who has immigrated to North America at any time was a pure white person. We all have bits and pieces of everything inside and that’s what makes us a great person, and an even better nation! We all have to figure out this fear inside that makes us pull back from our differences. We all have to trust in that Golden Rule and decide that this simple way of living will make you a better person. Here are a few quotes that might help you recognize this:

  • “Do all the good you can, by all the means you can, in all the ways you can, in all the places you can, at all the times you can, to all the people you can, as long as ever you can.” ~ John Wesley
  • “Giving frees us from the familiar territory of our own needs by opening our mind to the unexplained worlds occupied by the needs of others.” ~ Barbara Bush
  • “The highest use of capital is not to make more money, but to make money do more for the betterment of life.” ~ Henry Ford
  • “When we give cheerfully and accept gratefully, everyone is blessed.” ~ Maya Angelou
  • “It is from the numberless diverse acts of courage and belief that human history is shaped. Each time a man stands up for an ideal or acts to improve the lot of others or strikes out against injustice, he sends forth a tiny ripple of hope, and crossing each other from a million different centers of energy and daring, those ripples build a current that can sweep down the mightiest walls of oppression and resistance.” ~ Robert Kennedy
    https://www.azquotes.com/quotes/topics/giving-to-others.html

We need to have conversations about this and other subjects regarding what is right regarding the treatment of others in this world.

David Brooks in his book, How to Know a Person stated that “A good conversation is not a group of people making a series of statements at [emphasis mine] each other….A good conversation is an act of joint exploration….A good conversation sparks you to have thoughts you never had before.”

We all think we are better than others at communicating but we haven’t really been taught how to have real two-way conversations. It is a difficult concept to master and we need to work at being better at listening. We all have something to say on every subject but sometimes it’s okay to get beyond our self-inhibitions and actively participate equally. We must acknowledge the other person in the conversation with respect, but a shouting match is not communicating with each other. Try to overcome what triggers your feelings and think about what is being said by the other person.

We can overcome anything if we reach consensus at what is being said and done in this world. I will never back down on my belief in equality, equity, and inclusion. It’s time to start the conversation once again and unite as a people, defying those in power who will not rise above the madness. And, once again, give a little bit of your time and money to those who participate in the worldwide celebrations of life.

Love to all and enjoy the springtime, including all of us weeds!

Observations on Aging and the Unobtainable

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Or: I’m Allergic to Botox! Having never been in the Most Beautiful Girl in the Room Club, I don’t understand why so many of us women are obsessed with doing everything in their power to look young and beautiful forever. And then, make it our objective to diminish and pick apart the flaws of those who are noticed by a different sex more than we are. Why do we resent this acknowledgement of others’ beauty? Why don’t we women stick together and rally for all of our outer and inner beauty as well as all of our accomplishments? Why do we gang up on those that are either less beautiful, or so beautiful that others turn their attention to them? Why can’t we be happy with who we are at any given moment?

I recently read a series called The Wilder Widows by Katherine Hastings (who is neither a senior nor a widow, by the way). It was a nice light read and allowed me a minute to laugh at these senior and widowed ladies’ adventures and discoveries of who they had become. One of the widows that I found particularly discouraging about her thoughts of what she felt she had to be, and what her life choices were. She believed that she didn’t deserve unconditional love. The character grew up in a poor household and didn’t have anything. She was belittled for her long legs and looks when she was a child and swore she would rise above it all. She became a trophy wife and eventually a Las Vegas dancer. Each year it got harder and harder to keep up with the younger generation and the beauty regimens that include, Botox, or facelifts had begun to fail her. When her husband died, she inherited his wealth and status. She continued to be the life of the party and had many sexual encounters with younger and younger men. But, she hadn’t yet found true love (if there is such a thing). When she finally decided (with the help of her friends) that she could take a chance on a person she loved, she had a hard time with showing him the real person underneath all the spackle. But, like any true love story, it all worked out in the end. She told him her real age, and what was happening to her body, and he took her into his arms and said he loved her and wanted to grow old with her no matter what.

We all obsess over what we should feel and look like. Although the media has gotten better at portraying beauty and joie de vivre in women of all shapes and sizes, there are so many of us that still feel the pain of being the weird, nerdy shy kid (me), or that tall skinny kid (my sister), or that really poor kid, or that fat kid down the street that everyone teased, or that kid who dressed funny because they didn’t identify as a male or female. We didn’t fit into the perceived mold, and felt estranged of what a kid should be (the portrayal of what was a normal kid) at that time.

We all age differently and we have to try and accept where we are at any time in our lives. Sure I can’t keep up with the twenty-somethings, but that doesn’t stop me from exercising. Sure I don’t look like what I did in my twenties, but I am happy where I am at this time in my life. I stopped obsessing on finding just the right outfit and wear what I want. Now, if I could only find the right shoes to make my feet happy, I would be in heaven on earth!

Aging can enlighten us, or inhibit us. If we use it as an excuse because we are afraid to try something new, we miss out. If we fear of being left alone, because our spouse might go before us, we need to embrace the fact that one of us will probably die before the other and prepare ourselves for embracing some alone time. If we have FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) we need to do all the things that we want to do together while we are alive. A friend of mine who became a doctor once said to me: “Currently, there is no cure for aging.” While that is partially true, we should think about the concept that aging does not need a cure because it is not a disease. We have to take that personal responsibility that we will change as we age, and that’s okay. We can focus on what is important at any given time and save the rest for a later date. If our skin gets dry, we use lotion. If we want to keep our hair gray, that’s okay, but a little color can go a long way. If our body hurts more than when we were young, we just do something different. It’s okay to slow down and walk, instead of run. It’s okay to take a day off and rest. And, if we forget names, we keep a journal and/or make lists of things that are important to us. We can take steps to enjoy all the times in our lives. I plan on being that 130-year-old grandma who has a whoop-it-up dance party to celebrate my life. More information on age and aging and other subjects on how to live a great life can be found in my book Discover the Life You Want to Live.

What we look out on the outside doesn’t define who we are on the inside. Everything we do in life and our actions in the world is a part of who we are at any time in our lives. To some women, image is everything. Accepting ourselves the way we are at any given moment is the most important thing we can achieve in life.

David Brooks in his book, How to Know a Person stated that “A person is a point of view [emphasis mine].” He said that “Your mind creates a world, with beauty and ugliness…and you live within that construction….” We all have our perception of beauty and staying young. We can embrace the world at any time if we support each other and respect where we are at any given moment.

I love you all tonight and hope you are having a wonderful night wherever you may be (in time and space!)