Tag Archives: mental-health

The Power of Journaling: Leaving Your Mark

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I just finished reading an incredible book called The Frozen River by Ariel Lawhon. The heroine, Martha Ballard, (based on a real person in history) is a midwife in the late 1700s and her trials and tribulations make me thankful that I am a woman of a certain age with personal rights and powers in this century (so far). One of the things Martha performed in this story was recording all of her activities each day (with quill and ink no less!) in her journal. In one chapter, she praised her husband for teaching her to read and write (women weren’t allowed or encouraged to do these things in her day). He helped her create a world that opened up so many possibilities. He bought her journals, and created pens for her. She asks herself why the daily writing was so important to her. Martha’s answer to herself was because her “…markings will one day be the only proof that I have existed in this world. That I have lived and breathed…It is not that I want to be remembered, per se. I have done nothing remarkable. Not by the standards of history, at least. But I am here. And these words are the mark I will leave behind.”

WOW! WOW! WOW! 5-star reviews all the way!
Lawhon’s writing inspired me to keep doing what I do. She does her research, and gives amazing details that add to the story. She is a crusader for all women! And she unpacks her story at the end of the book like I do, giving explanations and facts about how the story came to her and how she drafted the book. And, what a record to have uncovered from the past. How cool is that?

So, to me, writing is not just a daily brain exercise, but a way to leave your mark on society. And, yes, we don’t have to write with quills, or even pens and paper, but computers allow us to journal every day, and help us leave a small mark of our existence in a world of unknowns. Daily journalling (or blogging) of any kind can help ease our tortured souls and send questions out to the universe. Even if they don’t get answered, we have aired our frustrations out loud. We have voiced our thoughts on any subject that comes to mind. Sometimes we are way off the mark, but other times we are spot on. It’s this discourse that is needed to have a sane and logical existence for all of us. Writing shouldn’t be about hate, anger, or craziness, just interesting ideas, and history to cogitate on, and maybe words that change our opinions of ourselves and others, and our interactions with others.

So maybe I’ve not taken a lot of paths that I should have taken, but I have found peace in this valley of the Foothills, describing daily life lessons in my little blog. My life is peaceful at the moment and I intend to keep it that way. I have a little piece of paradise, even though it’s really cold outside.

Today I hope you reflect on your life lessons and maybe write a few of them down. (There’s still time to take my Valentine’s Day questionnaire and get back to me!)
https://drutieben.com/2025/01/15/valentines-day-questionnaire/

There’s still time to get on board the love train and make your own noise (or journal them) and make your own mark in the world. Love reigns tonight and I praise you efforts!

Future Forecasts and Creepy Sounds in the Night

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We are still fearful animals when things aren’t going the way we expect them to, or darkness and cold overwhelm us at nighttime. Why do we jump to noises in the night? It’s because our animal instincts arise in the dark (or dark times). Our caveman/woman comes out and our fears overwhelm us. We don’t want to get eaten by creatures in the night.

Today that translates as we want everything to go our way, and there are millions of opinions about what that way is. And yet, our brain tells us that we keep expecting others in positions of power to do everything we want them to do. Unfortunately, these people are just as human as we are, and they want to stay in power, so fearmongering is what they do, causing the rampant escalation of speculation.

So, we continue to get frightened in the dark, and can’t get out of our depression. Sometimes we lose our motivation and don’t know how to get it back. Sometimes we just have to sit and think. And, then we must move on from that state of mind. We must push away the darkness and move forward freely and lovingly with each other. We must take back control of our own minds.

It’s hard to maintain positivity in our actions when we don’t know what our future holds. And depression can have such a devastating effect on a person’s health and wellbeing. So let’s try to uplift each other with positive thinking. Pay it forward and keep on sending out good vibrations. Exercise and connect with friends when possible. Walk and talk with each other, giving encouragement and keeping the negative talk at bay. Cook and eat delicious meals with each other on a regular basis and talk about your day. Set your priorities with your tasks and break big overwhelming tasks into smaller ones. Do what you can when you can. Face your fears. Don’t avoid the things that are difficult. Embrace the challenge. And finally, be patient with yourself. That is probably my biggest  problem. I want to do everything and be everywhere, all at once. I want to follow that everything bagel to take over and make my life simpler and tell me that nothing matters. (See that movie!!!) But I know that’s not what I need.

So yes, life is difficult. We don’t always need others to over-explain things to us. We are all knowledgeable humans in differing ways. Sometimes, we just want others to actively listen to us, and acknowledge something we said with just a nod or say, “Oh, that’s so cool!” And, sometimes, we want people just to do something for others and motivate others freely without complaining about the situation. Sometimes, we want others to think beyond themselves and stop saying, “That doesn’t work for me.” OF COURSE all of the things don’t always work for you or me, but at least try to go around the obstacle and think of a better way to solve the problem. So, stop saying that. It’s really not productive.

It’s time we push our fears of the dark and the creatures that go bump in the night, and give a helping hand to others who are struggling with life. It’s time to give an ear to someone who needs us. It’s time we release the egocentric and move on to the altruistic side of the pendulum. Do something good every day for the rest of your life and you might balance the scales. I hope you have a safe drive out in this cold world and a warm and cozy night. Love and hugs to all.

Coping with Anxiety: My Journey and the 333 Rule

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Whenever my anxiety flares-up I dream some really weird dreams about driving along a treacherous road. (Quite the metaphor, huh?)
-Usually it is along a mountainous path that is very narrow or one-laned. It is not paved and the car coming towards me is always driving fast like a bat out of h*ll.
-Another dream had me driving up the snow-covered rocks on a narrow rock path in the Garden of the Gods in Colorado Springs. (It doesn’t exist that I know of!)
-Other times it is a return to my driver’s education test from my early driving years on, you guessed it, dirt roads in my neighborhood in our small southern countryside, or around the courthouse the next town over.

But last night was different. It was a combination of my southern routes with the windy dirt roads, but in the mountains of Colorado. I was in a hurry to get somewhere and took a shortcut. The road was all lumpy, like someone had churned up the dirt with a plow and left it that way. Clods of dirt were piled up and underneath them was soft and sandy dirt. It was hard to get over in my little Subaru Crosstrek, but I was persevering until I came to a rock wall, similar to the Garden of the Gods type of wall. (What an imaginative and weird combination, right?)

I got out of the car and walked around and then looked for a way to get out. Then I walked back down the road and heard singing. When I looked over the ledge, I saw a band setting up and playing with the rock wall against their backs. And I saw my friend Karen sitting there listening to the band. She looked around and said, “What took you so long?” And then I woke up.

My friend is out of town, so she was on my mind. I always worry a little about them because they take amazing trips, but to places that are a little scary sometimes, at least, that’s what I think when she describes them to me. I guess I’m just a worrier at heart.

So, I have been pondering ways to cope with anxiety. I have been writing more, exercising more, meditating, reaching out to friends, and trying to stay in the present moment (mindfulness). I also read about the 333 Rule:
Identify three objects;
Listen for three sounds you hear; and
Move three parts of your body.
The 333 rule helps people focus on the present moment and distract from anxious thoughts. It’s based on mindfulness, which is a way of being aware of the present without judgment. 

The 333 rule is a mindfulness technique that can help people feel calmer and more focused when they’re feeling anxious. It can be used anywhere, anytime and doesn’t require any supplies or speaking. Finally, you can repeat it as many times as needed.
For more information go to: Healthline.com
Other strategies can include:
Keep a journal;
Get enough sleep;
Avoid excess caffeine (don’t know if I can do that one);
Challenge negative thoughts;
Forgive yourself; and
Try to put things in perspective

For more information on being anxious, see these articles:
Prevention.com
Goodhousekeeping.com

So remind yourself that it’s okay to stop worrying. Work through why that makes you so anxious if you stop. Take a deep breath and do something fun, like making homemade chicken broth, pouring it over some ramen and vegetables and slurp it up! So delicious and comforting. I love you all and send warm hugs to everyone who has to be out in this weather!

Forgive and Live

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“I release you; I forgive you; I wish only the best for you.”—Stephen Wurzel

The interesting thing about re-visiting and reading old science fiction novels is that back in the early days of this genre, the authors had no idea how far we would come with technology. Instead, they believed that their future selves would have cures for all illnesses, including the worst ones such as cancer and heart conditions.

We have come a long way with technology, yet this technology has sometimes led us astray and our hearts have suffered. And every year I ask: “Where are the flying cars, space resorts, and luxury yachts in space?” (Okay, really? The Fifth Element movie. It’s on TV allllll the time! Watch it and you will be happy!)

Our psyches have suffered because so many of us have bought into the “Must stay in touch with everyone and everything in every moment!” mental crisis, thus causing more stress and thus more diseases now than ever before. We also seem to have forgotten that old adage, that if you can forgive someone and just let it go you will be a healthier person.

Studies have found that the act of forgiveness can reap huge rewards for your health, lowering the risk of heart attack; improving cholesterol levels and sleep; and reducing pain, blood pressure, and levels of anxiety, depression and stress. And research points to an increase in the forgiveness-health connection as you age.

“There is an enormous physical burden to being hurt and disappointed,” says Karen Swartz, M.D., director of the Mood Disorders Adult Consultation Clinic at The Johns Hopkins Hospital. Chronic anger puts you into a fight-or-flight mode, which results in numerous changes in heart rate, blood pressure and immune response. Those changes, then, increase the risk of depression, heart disease and diabetes, among other conditions. Forgiveness, however, calms stress levels, leading to improved health.”

Forgiveness is not just about saying the words. “It is an active process in which you make a conscious decision to let go of negative feelings whether the person deserves it or not,” Dr. Swartz says. As you release the anger, resentment, and hostility, you begin to feel empathy, compassion and sometimes even affection for the person who wronged you. Here are a few of the things she listed in the article than you can be active with forging ahead:
Reflect and remember.
Empathize with the other person.
Forgive deeply.
Forgive yourself.
For more information see:
https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/wellness-and-prevention/forgiveness-your-health-depends-on-it

Almost everyone has experienced being wronged by someone. It could be a former co-worker, friend, or family member. But hanging on to those negative feelings can do great harm to your health. It’s never easy, but if you dwell on all those past hurts, you fill your mind with negativity and anger. Free yourself of this and project kindness to the world, even if it is sometimes cruel.

“Practicing forgiveness can have powerful health benefits. Observational studies, and even some randomized trials, suggest that forgiveness is associated with lower levels of depression, anxiety, and hostility; reduced substance abuse; higher self-esteem; and greater life satisfaction. Yet, forgiving people is not always easy.”—Dr. Tyler VanderWeele, Harvard University. For his ideas, see go to: https://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/the-power-of-forgiveness

So forgive and forget every day you are here on this planet. And if you are having a tough time thinking about all this, here is my suggestion for today: Bake an upside-down pear cake with store bought cake mix and sautéed pears that are super ripe! Let it cool, turn it out of the pan so the pears are on top (right side up) and enjoy. So delicious!

Next, if you haven’t purchased a shredder yet, I encourage you to do so. Complete the mind-numbing task of shredding two years’ worth of old tax and household papers. Messy, but satisfying. I love you all on this cold winter’s night!

Grocery Store Madness and Impatient People

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Okay folks, I know it’s the holidays, and I chose to embark into the dark waters of grocery store shopping on a Friday night (hey, I couldn’t help it – 4X fuel points and gas is expensive). It was sooooo incredibly crazy out there today. There were two lanes open in the regular checkout, so it was bad, bad, bad. Holy Moly! I want to tell you one thing – old folks pushing old folks, invading my old folk space, to try and get out faster, that just does not work for me (and yes, I am one of the old folks who got pushed). I can’t move any faster to give you more time. You are just invading my personal space. And yes, I still have to check out in front of the credit card reader, just like everyone else.

And I am not going to go into how the drivers in the parking lot are trying to run over people in a walker, for goodness sakes! A whole lot of angst is going on right now! Really, it’s not the Zombie apocalypse so slow down folks! We will all get to where we need to go in time. These were definitely David Sedaris or Amy Sedaris moments. (Look them up. They are very funny.)

Quick facts:
Grocery shopping can induce anxiety because of overstimulation. Grocery stores are often busy, with bright lights, loud noises, and many people. This sensory overload can be overwhelming. Most researchers believe that it is caused by a mismatch or conflict between the various parts of the brain’s balance system, similar to motion sickness. Others believe that it happens when a vestibular problem causes the brain to rely too much on visual signals for balance (visual dependency).

I might have all that! I know my vision isn’t the best and the lights are harsh in a grocery store. And, I may be a little slower because I have what’s called Supermarket Syndrome. It’s the real thing! Sometimes I just have to sort through my list and coupons. I try to get out of the way of others. But sometimes there’s just no getting out of the way when it’s crowded. I also get a little dizzy and have to go slow and that’s apparently a thing, too! See the article listed below:
https://vestibular.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/Visually-Induced-Dizziness-Supermarket-Syndrome_112.pdf

So all I gotta say to everyone. Behave! That’s not what your mamas taught you. I will do my part to be kind and helpful and try and get out of the way as fast as possible, but you gotta do your part, too!

I still send you good vibes and love, but I just want to say to everyone: Slow Down and PAY ATTENTION! Pay attention to your surroundings and your corresponding old person who is standing right there, in front of you, not moving for a reason, yet trying to move! Be patient and love the time you have at that very moment in your life. Hugs!

Loneliness, Social Media, and AI language Models and the Effects on Different Demographics by Daniel Tieben at Neumont College of Computer Science

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OK I gotta brag a little bit and post this for posterity. My son did a good job. The subject was spot on and very disturbing. We all have to pay attention to the screen time for our kids! Thank you Daniel for your hard work!

Here is his paper:

The current epidemic of loneliness and isolation affects people from all social classes. There are many things that makes a person feel lonely or isolated and it varies from person to person and even for each age bracket, young adults turn to AI chatbots for companionship as an alternative while people in the older age brackets turn to social media in some cases or other hobbies that may become harmful in the future.

While not all people who consider themselves lonely have psychological problems there may be a link between prolonged social media use and the development of psychological problems, particularly in the younger generations who have ample access to social media and the internet.

Most people will assume that the younger generations like generation Z and generation Alpha are the most connected generations since they have the most access to technology. And with this constant access to technology comes with access to social media and nowadays AI chatbots like c.ai which is a website that hosts language models that are trained to act like a certain character, for example Spider-Man, or SpongeBob. A trend has emerged in some of the younger generations where people are turning toward these language models to ease the effects of loneliness. And in turn create romantic or sexual relationships with these characters, “Character.AI allows users to create their own bots. Many of these bots were created with the express purpose of roleplay and sex, although Character.AI has worked hard to limit such activity by using filters. Reddit pages devoted to Character.AI are flooded with posts from users discussing to coax their AIs into sexual interactions without setting off the platform’s guardrails.” (Chow, 2023).

On the surface this might not seem like a terrible thing, but it’s cutting out the physical aspects of communication and relationships, as well as the human aspect of connection. AI is created by copying mannerisms and creating a “shadow” of what is authentic, to quote Sherry Turkle who gave a speech at Harvard, “They offer a simulated, hollowed-out version of empathy,” she said. “They don’t understand — or care — about what the user is going through. They’re designed to keep them happily engaged, and providing simulated empathy is just a means to that end.” (Pazzanese, 2024) People learn how to interact with other people by, well interacting with them face to face, or by messaging an actual person to get the authentic response. The fact of the matter is that to develop as a human being you need to have the authentic response and contact of another person. But people are made aware that the things that these language models say are not said by real people as stated in the c.ai chats, “Character.AI’s founders have emphasized that their platform displays the message ‘Remember: Everything Characters say is made up!’ above every chat.” (Chow, 2023) many people see this but don’t fully acknowledge it because they want to believe that they are interacting with the actual character to build a connection with it. Other people feel that the disclaimer isn’t highly effective, “Maarten Sap, an assistant professor at Carnegie Mellon’s Language Technologies Institute, is skeptical about how effective such a disclaimer might be, especially given how new and powerful this technology feels to users.” (Chow, 2023). Since time has passed the effectiveness of this disclaimer has withered and people don’t pay attention to it much at all. An unfortunate but relevant example of this comes from earlier this year where a 14-year-old Florida teen committed suicide after talking to an AI language model that was modeled after a game of thrones character. The teen was talking to the chatbot for months and had built both a romantic and sexual relationship with the AI language model. In the days leading up to the incident the teen and the AI had exchanged messages like:

“I’m coming home” with the AI responding, “Please my king.”

“I promise I will come home to you. I love you so much, Dany,’ Sewell told the chatbot.

“I love you too,” the bot replied. “Please come home to me as soon as possible, my love.’

“What if I told you I could come home right now?” he asked.

“Please do, my sweet king,” the bot messaged back.

Just seconds after the Character.AI bot told him to “come home,” the teen shot himself, according to the lawsuit, filed this week by Sewell’s mother, Megan Garcia, of Orlando, against Character Technologies Inc.” (Payne, 2024)

The mother of the teen is suing the creators of Character AI and the company Character Technologies for the death of the teen. I think that AI chatbots are dangerous with the way that they are being overseen today as well as the attachment that people can create by talking to these language models. “While unhealthy attachments to AI chatbots can cause problems for adults, for young people it can be even riskier — as with social media — because their brain is not fully developed when it comes to things such as impulse control and understanding the consequences of their actions, experts say.” (Payne, 2024). The risks that have been presented by this incident are astronomical and will have an impact on many younger demographics and age groups and some older demographics.

While AI language models and chatbots have impacted the younger demographic in an attempt at alleviating loneliness, older demographics have turned to social media in some way shape or form. The most popular being Facebook, which is the largest social media platform currently. And while not all people who use Facebook are in the older demographic many of the users are above or of the age of twenty-five, while people below the age of twenty-five make up 22.1% according to Oberlo (#). Social media, while having social in the name can alienate people and make them feel as if they don’t belong, Cyberbullying is a major factor in this and can affect people who are victims in many ways other than just making them feel bad. Social media can be linked to some mental disorders such as anxiety and depression.

Passive social media use, defined by Zubair et al. as “stalking other users’ photos or scrolling through the latest newsfeed” and can be linked to mood disorders and depressive symptoms as stated in a research paper by Zaheer Hussain and Mark D. Griffiths. It is also stated that excessive use of social media is a precursor to depressive symptoms in many adults and can result in poor connection with friends and family outside of the social networking sites that are being used. It should be noted that people with preexisting anxiety disorders are more likely to abuse social media and networking.

“Our study revealed that anxiety levels as manifested by individuals on Twitter satisfactorily predicted future social interactions with weak ties on the platform. This, we believe, may indicate a desire for individuals with heightened anxiety seeking out the broader social media community, predominating consisting of weak ties, for help, advice, solidarity, and support.” (Dutta et al, 2018). I think that finding community to talk to when you need to is good, I personally do the same thing, but I think that in some cases people will neglect themselves and their needs as a person to talk to people on social media and social networks can be harmful, and as mentioned previously can lead to abuse of social media and social networks.

Lastly the oldest demographic that I want to speak about today has found a unique way of coping with loneliness. In most cases they will stay at home, watch television, or be on social media but not interact with anything outside of those activities. This leads to increased spending on things such as online shopping or development of physical illnesses, or increased risk of developing physical illnesses. This is due to the older demographic socially isolating themselves. “Studies show that loneliness and social isolation are associated with higher risks for health problems such as heart disease, depression, and cognitive decline” (NIH, 2024) Its not uncommon for this to happen to people who are considered elderly, for example Joanne Roe, an 81 year old from southern California has done the same thing and has been quoted saying  “My life is within these four walls.” (Jain, 2018).

People often think that the only way to not be lonely is to have constant interaction with others, and that is one way to alleviate loneliness. There are other ways to go about it. You could start a hobby such as bike riding, walking, or yoga to get out of the house. But while you’re inside you can find something creative, coloring, painting, knitting are all splendid examples of how to creatively express yourself. And as someone who knows another person who considers themselves lonely, visit them, and talk to them. Interacting with people who you might think are having a tough time or you think are lonely helps people in ways that you might not think are impactful. Another thing that helps people is reaching out to medical professionals, mental help is available now more than ever for everyone, which is a major step in the right direction for the way people with mental illnesses are treated.

Chow A. R. (2023). AI-Human Romances Are Flourishing—And This Is Just the Beginning. Time (https://time.com/6257790/ai-chatbots-love/)

Dutta S, Ma J, Choudhury M. D. (2018). Measuring the Impact of Anxiety on Online Social Interactions. Georgia Institute of Technology (https://ojs.aaai.org/index.php/ICWSM/article/view/15081/14931)

Hussain Z. & Griffiths M. D. (2018) Problematic Social Networking Site Use and Comorbid Psychiatric Disorders: A Systematic Review of Recent Large-Scale Studies. Frontiers in Psychiatry https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/psychiatry/articles/10.3389/fpsyt.2018.00686/full#h4

Jain S. (2018) A Treatment for Loneliness Harvard Medicine (https://magazine.hms.harvard.edu/articles/treatment-loneliness)

National Institute of Health (2024) Loneliness and Social Isolation — Tips for Staying Connected National Institute of Aging (https://www.nia.nih.gov/health/loneliness-and-social-isolation/loneliness-and-social-isolation-tips-staying-connected#how-can-feeling-lonely-or-being-isolated-affect-older-adults-health)

Oberlo (2024) Facebook Age Demographics (2024). Oberlo (https://www.oberlo.com/statistics/facebook-age-demographics)

Payne K. (2024) An AI chatbot pushed a teen to kill himself, a lawsuit against its creator alleges. AP news (https://apnews.com/article/chatbot-ai-lawsuit-suicide-teen-artificial-intelligence-9d48adc572100822fdbc3c90d1456bd0)

Pazzanese C. (2024) Lifting a few with my chatbot. The Harvard Gazette (https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2024/03/lifting-a-few-with-my-chatbot/)

Zubair U, Khan K. M, Albashari M. (2023) Link between excessive social media use and psychiatric disorders. National Library of Medicine (https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10129173/#R25)

WHAT WE VALUE AND THE STORIES BEHIND THEM

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This is the time of year we think of our first memories of the holidays and reflect on what we learn. Alas, the walls of my memory divide the thorns from the roses, so I endeavor to think most about the good times or roses, and what lessons I learned to be the person I am today. Here are some thoughts on who I am. I encourage you to write about who you are and ask yourself: “Are you the person you want to be?”

I am the product of a southern belle princess and a country farmer. My parents grew up in the Deep South during the Depression and World War II. My father was in the navy and my mother worked in a department store. I am the middle kid. I am a Baby Boomer.

I was known as that weird kid because I didn’t fit into any mold of what a normal teenager was thought to be, those molds that others love to put themselves in. I grew up in an era where being smart, having coke bottle glasses, and being awkward and opinionated made me stick out like a sore thumb. In the Deep South, those were the very things that made ridicule come easily from my classmates.

My life was one of marching to the beat of a different drum and this lifestyle would get me into arguments with people of all ages. I would always fight the good fight, for what was just and right. Slowly, friends I had known since first grade systematically shut me out. We went our separate ways, and I never heard from most of them again.

As a young child, I began to question why people do the things they do. Why would they hold onto hate that was over a hundred years old? Why didn’t I feel the same way? I would ask myself, “Why couldn’t I just be that cute cheerleader who fits in?” You know what I’m talking about: the ones that fit the mold and went to all the cool parties; the one who was just part of the gang. Why did I have so many reasons to want to change the world? Why didn’t I just settle down and have a family like all the other girls? (OK, so maybe they were having kids at thirteen back then, so I said ‘No, thank you!’).” So, I kept telling myself, “I can make a difference in the world if I am given the chance.”

Finally, I did get that chance and many more when I became an adult. I chose the path to make a difference in the world, no matter how hard it was to obtain. I moved away to achieve the things I dreamed about. And I never looked back.

Even though I am now in the senior citizen category, I still categorize myself as that weird kid who thinks too much. I have been a southerner, and a country girl now turned city girl. I remember the Vietnam War and high school friends who never came back. I remember Iraq and Afghanistan wars and those who never came back. I remember so many firsts from my fellow police academy graduates. My classmates graduated to become some of the best and the first truly educated and understanding officers the state of Georgia had ever seen – the first African American state trooper in South Georgia, the first woman game and fish officer, the first women working as patrol officers for the Atlanta PD, and the first women correctional officers and trainers. I have been a correctional officer trainer, a police officer and behavioral profiler, and another first – creating the first serious juvenile offender program for the police in Colorado. We all broke down these barriers, women and people of color no longer designated to the secretarial or motor pool, back in the day when disco was hot, and cocaine flowed freely. I remember police friends who got so burned out they had to quit.

I went to college in both the 1970’s and again in the 1980’s. Some of my generation thought of ourselves as a lost generation because we were not the classic Boomer generation. We had different worldly causes than those of our mothers and fathers. Our generation wanted change, fairness, honesty, and hope. Today, I still get into a lot of animated and sometimes hostile discussions with people who are both younger and older and have differing opinions. I constantly remind myself that I need to try and respect their opinions even though I disagree with them. I want to have animated discourse but not the current hostility where no one listens to each other.

I am ashamed of the southern people that I see on television today that have so much hate in their hearts. I decided a long time ago that since I expect so much from myself it is okay to expect the best out of others, so I keep trying to make them understand love and kindness.

Today, half the people believe that our society cannot change for the better, even when I tell them that we control our own lives. There is still too much war in the world and less talk of peace and unconditional love. These were the visions of my bohemian hippie generation. I think there’s a need for people like me out there – one that still believes in those old ideals yet has a demanding work ethic to make change happen and make people believe in the future.

I’ve made my own way in the Wild, Wild West. I have fully participated in the world, I write and publish about things that matter, sometimes couched in fun mysteries, and believe I have made a difference. I’ve had my “fifteen minutes of fame” and am ready for the next fifteen. Are you ready? I wish you happy holidays and fulfillment in your lives.

Enjoy these puns based on songs while you spend time with your family. And try not to fight, just have a peaceful moment in time. Happy Thanksgiving!

Hit me baby one more thyme.

It’s all about that baste.

Give peas a chance.

All pie myself.

Talk turkey to me.

Did you hear about the Pilgrim band? They’re called “New Kids on the Rock.”

Turkey deeds done dirt cheap.

Breaking Free from Smartphone Addiction

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Okay, I’m gonna go all Grandma on you for this post. Picture this caricature, shaking her fist at this new generation (including parents of this generation) for a moment and bear with me.

I am worried about us not personally connecting anymore. I see people scrolling texts and sites on their phones everywhere I go, even walking down the street. The advertisements encourage this behavior, so we’ll buy more connectivity at home. No one talks to each other at home, during meals and family time, or out in the world anymore. Instead, they are addicted to “clicks and likes.”

According to many addiction counselors, a person is addicted if they are compelled to watch their phones for “clicks and likes.” They are seeking validation and a sense of reward by constantly checking for social media interactions like likes, comments, and shares, often leading to excessive time spent on those platforms. They become overly focused on gaining digital approval through these interactions.

The negative impact on mental health is the dopamine rush associated with receiving positive feedback. The dopamine reward system (neurotransmitter associated with pleasure) can lead to tolerance, much like substance addiction. The positive feedback loop encourages further engagement to seek more likes.

The desire for social validation is a key driver of this behavior, as people may feel a sense of self-worth based on the number of likes they receive. Unfortunately, excessive focus on likes can lead to anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, and neglecting real-life relationships and responsibilities. 

The other addiction is called Nomophobia, or cell phone addiction. It is a behavioral addiction that can negatively impact your life. The signs for addiction can include:

You can’t stop checking your phone, even if it has a negative consequence; you experience anxiety, agitation, or disorientation when you can’t use your phone; and you neglect your responsibilities or relationships. The compulsion is fueled by games apps, and online worlds. Cell phone addiction can negatively impact your mental health, causing poor sleep quality, stress, anxiety, and depression. 

Young and older adults can benefit from pausing the social media cycle by taking a moment to turn it off. You can reduce your social media apps or put them in a folder away from your home screen. Or simply remove the apps from your home screen entirely.

When parents and grandparents give up and let their children do what they want to on their phones, sometimes an outside force makes the move to do it for them. As a result, here is what happened in our district last night. This was the news release from our local school district:

BOULDER, Colo. — The Boulder Valley School District Board (BVSD) of Education passed a no-cellphones policy for high schools Tuesday night. The policy said social media and technology are worsening student mental health and disrupting classroom learning. “This over-reliance on cellphones vs. interactions with peers is a troubling trend that is affecting the mental health of students that we serve,” Dr. Rob Anderson, BVSD superintendent, said.

So, I want to thank you BVSD for the ban on cellphones in high school during school hours. I’ve been writing to you for years to ban cellphones while kids are in school. There is no need for a kid to get so involved in the drama on their phone that they do not participate in learning the subjects they need to understand the world they’ll be living in after high school. Upping the game on learning is so important these days, and we adults forget about that, especially if we’ve had bad experiences in early education and high school. Teachers today are overwhelmed with trying to get information across when the kids aren’t focused. They get tired when they try to talk over inattentive kids listening to so much outside noise, and I understand their frustrations. I want to say thank you to all teachers who put up with all our children daily and put up with parents who won’t let the teachers do their jobs.

I want to encourage parents and grandparents to understand this outside noise addiction and create a downtime space for all kids and grandkids, and themselves. My personal routine is to turn my attention to writing and other creative matters when things are crazy on all the news stations and social media. I hope you will do the same. Tell all your friends about it and have that moment of Zen. Thank you for taking the next positive step to heal the world and the people in it.

Dismantling Fear: A Path to Personal Empowerment

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Dissatisfiers: Fear, Anger, and Prejudice. These are three underlying emotions that will control our lives, cause closed-mindedness, and inhibit growth. How can we recognize our hidden potential if we let these emotions control us? We can get back on the designated path if we acknowledge that these emotions are taking us in the direction we do not want to go. The last few posts have focused on anger and prejudice, but today I want to talk about fear.

The media will always give the worst-case scenarios. They need you to watch their feeds, so each station tries for more drama and gore. Exposure to negative news can lead to feelings of helplessness, depression, and aggression. The sensationalize or oversimplify stories that create fear. They oversimplify stories without providing enough context. It paralyzes us into taking no action. Consuming too much news, especially on television and social media, can increase emotional distress. This is sometimes called “doomscrolling”. It can make us panic and lose our ability to reason.

If we can re-focus and become more adventurous, we can increase our coping skills. We face each new situation with more knowledge and become fearless. We learn to make better decisions that are good for survival. By learning to make these personal decisions every time we venture out, we learn to be less apathetic because we are not afraid to get involved. In his book The Search, author, and wilderness expert Tom Brown, stated that “If I can face fear, real or imagined, it will disappear…. Fear can be overcome and panic abated by trust in oneself and one’s knowledge.”

By choosing to be fearless, we gain courage in our decisions and actions. We stand up to evil people with loving hearts. The late great Martin Luther King, Jr. believed in his cause, and was not deterred by accusations, threats, or warnings. Fear did not dominate him. He looked at a dangerous threat and continued to be an active participant of change because he wanted to help all people who were being oppressed. We cannot change everything, and terrible things are always going to happen to people who do not deserve it, but we can try helping one person every day. Alice Hoffman put it very succinctly in her book Faithful. “Who made it your job to feel guilty for every bad thing that happens?” We cannot stop every painful act to us or to another, but we can attempt to do the right thing every day we live.

We can all overcome fears about change by understanding the past, integrating old but good memories, and creating a better world for the future. We cannot fix Everything, Everywhere, All at Once (Title of excellent movie, by the way), but we can dwell on what we can do today. So, instead of watching the news, turn it off on all devices, and go for a walk in the neighborhood. Observe your surroundings. What can you change right now?

For more information on this subject, see my book Discover the Life You Want to Live (still on Amazon for purchase). I promise it will make you think and take you to a place that is better than where you are right now.